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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not planning a full day out because of baby's nap!!!

208 replies

Ori38 · 17/07/2020 12:23

AIBU in not planning a full day out with my eldest son due to the younger one not being able to get his lunchtime nap???? I really want to do some days out over the holidays - i.e. local farms/attractions etc but the issue is my little one (19 months) has a nap from 12 noon - 2pm.

If he doesn't get it he's a screaming, tantrumy mess by 3.30 and then it's just a horrendous struggle to try and edge him anywhere close to a normal bedtime (7pm.) No-one enjoys themselves in these situations!!!

With the both of them I'd usually try and do park in the morning, or just let them play in the garden followed by lunch, then home (if we've gone out) for the babies' nap. Usually put a film on for the older one (he's 6) over the 2 hr naptime.

Interested to hear from other mums how you plan the day outings if you've got baby/naptimes to consider?

Thanks

OP posts:
Kassandra1 · 17/07/2020 12:26

Hmm, do you think it's fair on the older one to not be able to do nice things because of the younger sibling's nap?

RedRumTheHorse · 17/07/2020 12:27

Mine sleeps in the buggy.

Alsohuman · 17/07/2020 12:28

Time for him to learn some flexibility. You’re making a rod for your own back.

ShebaShimmyShake · 17/07/2020 12:28

Does he not sleep in the buggy? I usually found the walking motion helped. May not be as long a nap as usual but hey, ready at bedtime.

Thedogscollar · 17/07/2020 12:28

Can't he sleep in his pram if you may the back down flat? Seems a shame for your older child to miss out because of this.

madnessitellyou · 17/07/2020 12:29

I do see where you’re coming from but when there’s another child in the mix I think you’ll just have to crack on. When dd2 came along it was really important that dd1 didn’t feel she couldn’t do things because of a younger sibling.

Another alternative would be to take the older one alone and one of you stay at home. That’d also have the added benefit of your older child being able to spend one on one time with one of you.

Thedogscollar · 17/07/2020 12:29

Lay not may

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 17/07/2020 12:29

Yeah mine always just slept in a buggy if we were out.

madnessitellyou · 17/07/2020 12:29

Dd2 never slept in her buggy beyond 12 months. It was almost like she knew!

lockdownparty · 17/07/2020 12:30

My ds was the same, he needed to be in his cot to have a proper nap too.
If it was something we really wanted to do then we tried to factor in a shorter nap in his buggy and an earlier night.
When he was a year and a half it was winter though so we weren't going for whole days out really. By the time he was 2 in the summer he could cope better the shorter nap, although he kept his nap til he was 3.
Sometimes we would either go out really early to something and he could have a 1pm nap (instead of midday). Or we'd try to get him to nap at 11am and go out afterwards (not always successful).
When we were on holiday abroad when he was 13 months and then again at 23 months he slept much longer in his buggy so holidays weren't an issue. Probably a mixture of the heat and fresh air that did it (plus later nights)

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 17/07/2020 12:32

@madnessitellyou

Dd2 never slept in her buggy beyond 12 months. It was almost like she knew!
Knew what? Confused
OverTheRainbow88 · 17/07/2020 12:32

Can you aim to leave about 3ish and let him have a 30min power nap in the car on the way home? Or nap in his pram? Or push through the tired phase with snacks!!

geekone · 17/07/2020 12:33

Does he sleep in the car?

I would be sitting parked outside the farm/zoo at 9am ready to be in ASAP do 4/4.5 hours Which is enough time for anyone and then get in the car driving to get the little one to sleep and then park up and have a wee picnic with a view and back home by 2/2.30!

user1493413286 · 17/07/2020 12:34

I take it that your 19 month old won’t nap in a pram?
I used to do an activity like a farm etc in the morning (literally get there when it opens at say 9.30-10 and then we’d normally be done by lunchtime and DD would fall asleep in the car on the way back. Sometimes this pushed her nap back a bit but on the odd occasion I’d then just push her bedtime back a bit.
I think you could probably manage some decent trips out that are just the morning and if there’s something your older one really wants to do you could take him by himself.

SandieCheeks · 17/07/2020 12:34

I just take a buggy for the little one. Better for them to be a bit flexible. I never stopped my older ones doing things because there was a baby.

cuntryclub · 17/07/2020 12:34

Interested to hear from other mums how you plan the day outings if you've got baby/naptimes to consider?

We just got on with the day and if the small ones were tired they had a bit of a kip in the pram or in the car. We all survived. Babies included.

madnessitellyou · 17/07/2020 12:35

Georgie knew she’d be missing out on whatever activities she’d been schlepped to.

SeaToSki · 17/07/2020 12:35

I always made it home for naptime, or went somewhere where the baby could sleep in the car on the way home for his nap (so somewhere with a drive over an hour so the car nap would be long enough to be worthwhile)

We would be up and off early, in to the museum/attraction as soon as the doors opened. Then full on fun until 11.30 when we would have an early picnic lunch, then back to the fun until 12.30\1 when we left. So nap would be a little late, but still happen. Usually the older dc had had a good time and were starting to drag a little by then anyway

Ube1 · 17/07/2020 12:36

God, you sound like my SIL who comes up to visit us for the weekend with her children. We can’t do anything other than sit in the house all day and night due to them needing to ‘nap’ whenever I try to suggest taking them out and doing something FUN with them ( because what’s the point of travelling 3.5 hours to go spend the weekend with people, just to sit in their living room and watch TV Hmm ) I’d get scathing looks and ‘no, we can’t, they need their naps.’ (Twins) We went to the zoo one time when they come up, at my insistence because I’d had enough. It shut at 6, we didn’t get there til 4.30 due to them napping til nearly 3pm! That was an expensive zoo trip I’m telling you!

It’s just a selfish, self absorbed attitude. Slightly different your situation OP to be fair but subjecting everyone else to boredom because children need a nap is ridiculous. My siblings and I never had endless naps when we were kids, nor did our friends apparently. Surely being in that much of a rigid routine is just stifling?

Tinamou · 17/07/2020 12:36

I think it's fine to plan your days around nap time. As you say, no one has fun if the baby is tired and screaming! I'd make an exception if you're invited on a day out your eldest would really enjoy.

MyEnormousTurnip · 17/07/2020 12:37

My ds never napped in the pushchair and had to be at home. Dd only ever napped in the car or pushchair. Some people won’t get that there’s not much you can do about this unless they’ve experienced similar.

In your situation I’d get to the attraction early, have lunch/picnic before leaving and aim to be home for nap time or nap in the car.

I can’t remember doing whole days out with very young dc anyway, a few hours somewhere was more than enough.

TwentyViginti · 17/07/2020 12:38

You plonk the 6 year old in front a screen for two hours daily? Why don't you use a part of this time to engage with him one to one while his brother is asleep?

It's not fair on your eldest to miss days out because of his brother's naps. It's not every day, and younger one should sleep in his buggy for a while.

cuntryclub · 17/07/2020 12:39

My ds never napped in the pushchair and had to be at home. Dd only ever napped in the car or pushchair. Some people won’t get that there’s not much you can do about this unless they’ve experienced similar.

I totally get it. I just didn't sweat over whether they had a nap or not, the precise time info's of any nap or the location. We literally just got on with life. I'm always a bit speechless at the amount of people scared to live because they have a small child who needs a nap.

Drivingdownthe101 · 17/07/2020 12:40

My youngest is 18 months and I have a 6 and 5 year old.
Toddler also naps 12-2 normally. We went on a day trip earlier in the week and he napped in the pushchair... for 20 mins. But you know what? It didn’t really matter. He was grumpy in the afternoon/evening so I just put him to bed early.
I get the stress, I really do. But it wouldn’t be fair to restrict my 6 and 5 year old due to the toddlers nap requirements.

HowLongCanICallitBabyWeight · 17/07/2020 12:40

DS sleeps 11.30-1.30/2 we go out on day trips usually set of a bit earlier than necessary he has a cup of milk we get a Starbucks drive through and we take the pretty coastal route rather than the dual carriageway, if he's tired he'll nap in the car there and on the way back or if really shattered in the buggy while we're out, he just has an earlier bed time or a longer nap the next day. DS is also nineteen months

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