Not planning a full day out because of baby's nap!!!

[Ori38]

AIBU in not planning a full day out with my eldest son due to the younger one not being able to get his lunchtime nap???? I really want to do some days out over the holidays - i.e. local farms/attractions etc but the issue is my little one (19 months) has a nap from 12 noon - 2pm.

If he doesn't get it he's a screaming, tantrumy mess by 3.30 and then it's just a horrendous struggle to try and edge him anywhere close to a normal bedtime (7pm.) No-one enjoys themselves in these situations!!!

With the both of them I'd usually try and do park in the morning, or just let them play in the garden followed by lunch, then home (if we've gone out) for the babies' nap. Usually put a film on for the older one (he's 6) over the 2 hr naptime.

Interested to hear from other mums how you plan the day outings if you've got baby/naptimes to consider?

Thanks

@Oliversmumsarmy

I wonder if the children who can sleep anywhere were put in a routine from being a newborn they would still be able to sleep anywhere or would they only be able to have a proper nap in their cots and vice versa

I think you have a point there. Mine only went into the cot at night and would sleep anywhere during the day. He just dropped off when he was tired.

I love to be spontaneous and also love days out. I was also so tired by baby 2 that "sucking up the sleep disruption and heading off for the day, who cares for naps? Falalala and hey nonny!!" wasn't a fun joyful experience at all.

OP it is totally fine to

• decline invitations because of naps/bedtime

• arrive early and leave at lunchtime to go home and nap - full day trips are not necessary for anyone under about 7!
• Sit in a car for 1hr 50mins desperate for a wee yourself but not wanting to open the door as they need the nap
• leave Xmas Dinner or a funeral or your own wedding ceremony, or whatever, to walk them round the block to get them to sleep/sit by a darkened cot for 40 mins or whatever you need to do.

They are babies and it's important they sleep and you can't "train them to nap anywhere" - that is so patronising to parents with poor sleepers, who have likely tried all the same things but those things didn't work.

I had two who did sleep well in buggies and less in cots so I did endless walking at 1pm for years. Now they're older it's fine, we can all go out!

You and older DS are really missing out on nothing. Do what you need to do.

3 of my children would sleep in a buggy and I would hold the youngest until she fell asleep and then put her in the buggy asleep or just hold them while they slept.

At 19 months a 30 min power nap mid afternoon should pull them through until bedtime.

I wouldn’t have had a life (nor would my older kids) if we stayed at home for every nap time.

I had two under 2’s in a buggy and the older one. For a special day I’d get them to sleep in the buggy or over the drive to the place and then stay till as late as poss so that they fell asleep in the car on the way back.

Sometimes I take the older one out alone as there’s quite a gap and he likes to have his mum to himself.

It’s so weird that so many people on here can’t imagine how a six year old could survive life with ‘just’ having small outings to the park etc. Totally agree that the odd change to routine for a nice day out (napping in the car or buggy) should be possible and some pp actually advised how they do this, as the OP requested. It sounds like OP has come up with a reasonable compromise by herself...

I think you're getting a hard time on here OP. You just asked a question!
Both kids needs need to be met. I'd say your day to day routine sounds great. It's nice for baby to nap after lunch and for 6yo to have tv time. You seem to do loads of stuff with both of them
I'd say if it's a one off day out, i'd try and get baby to sleep in the pram or car whenever he can/wants too. Even if it's at 3pm on the way back. It's just for 1 day.
That's what we used to do. Our DC1 used to love a routine and baby just fitted in with that (very happilly). And on special days out baby slept whenever and had lots of snacks.
I hope you have a nice holiday.

@JamesTKirkcompatible what a breath of fresh air ❤️

YABU. Take a sling; it's highly unlikely he won't go to sleep at some point if he's close to you and moving around.

@Alsohuman

Time for him to learn some flexibility. You’re making a rod for your own back.

Hello, here's a message for you. The 1950s want their patter back.

Do whatever works for your family OP

The problem is after 3 months barely leaving the house I’m sure there are lots of babies who are a little less flexible than they would have been in February. Ours certainly is.

Try it once again, assuming it's been a few months since you mast tried. Theve both grown a bit. Nothing ventured nothing gained. It either works or it doesn't, you adjust and regroup and try it differently the next time!

I get it completely. My 12 month old will fall asleep in her pram but will wake up very easily when we are out, she's then a nightmare for the rest of the day, becomes over-tired, won't go down at night and will be up in the night! So I do plan most of our days around her nap!

I think some parents convince themselves that their kid can't nap anywhere except their bed. My sister was the same with her first "dd won't nap in a pushchair, she has to nap in total silence and darkness". I was my nieces nanny and she did nap in her pushchair every day.

When I had my son I ensured I didn't make the environment silent and pitch black every time he went to sleep.

I found that my very alert and into everything DC2 would only nap in the buggy if I put a pashmina over the top so they couldn't see out and watch what was going on. Might be worth a try if you want them to nap.

Mine are older now, but I remember a fun filled afternoon at the zoo, when the IL’s persuaded us to go out for a whole day and full of confidence that “DS2 would nap in the buggy“. After 2 hours 2-4pm of him screaming non stop and throwing himself forcibly against the buggy straps, they finally conceded that it wasn’t working out and strangely enough no one was having much fun!!

Yes goat, but I bet if you'd gone out more often during nap time, he would be more used to it and be fine. Ie is this what happens because you have conditioned him to only sleep at home?

We plan our trip timings around naps so either go morning or afternoon. If we misjudge it, DD has a power nap on the way home and we push back bedtime a bit if necessary. Occasionally she doesn't nap and although those evenings are tough, on balance it's usually better that we've been able to get out and about.

I know it seems daunting, especially after months of lockdown of your youngest napping in their cot every day with no interruptions. It is absolutely doable though with some planning and flexibility.

After 2 hours 2-4pm of him screaming non stop and throwing himself forcibly against the buggy straps, they finally conceded that it wasn’t working out Why would you let your child be in that state for 2 hours? Couldn't you have let them run around if running age or carry them or whatever? I can't imagine letting my child scream and hurt themselves for 2 hours without trying anything else to try and prove some weird point.

Mine wouldn't nap anywhere but a bed. I liked the rigidity of a set nap time because it meant she was a pleasure to be around as opposed to a demon. The nap phase won't last forever and then we can have full days out. In the mean time the eldest kids get mornings or afternoons out and if we have a full day the littlest goes to a family member for the day.

Babies (not newborns) in prams or buggies often find different surroundings and people interesting and would rather look around and engage with it all than sleep. I can't begin to imagine being tied down to a specific sleep time. We just used to go to sleep when we felt tired (note the 'we', mum had a sleep too), but if something was going on, we weren't. What on earth happens when away on holiday ( I do realise 'holiday' doesn't apply to most people this year)?

@wouldthatbeworse

The problem is after 3 months barely leaving the house I’m sure there are lots of babies who are a little less flexible than they would have been in February. Ours certainly is.

Yes, I think that is probably the case. It's a very strange time for all including babies.

Since the start of lockdown we are now in the same routine every day, cot nap 12-2. Because we haven't had long days out I'm not used to him being out over lunch... I hope he would still sleep in buggy!

In the case of days out etc, our 19mo generally just has to have two short cat naps in the car there and home. We try to avoid travelling back from anywhere too far away late in the afternoon because we daren’t risk a danger nap and have no evening to ourselves!

We much rather fight through grumpiness and go for a super early night than risk a late bedtime, but that’s just us. I’m a teacher, so need my evenings to catch up on work.

@rosiejaune Ours is one of the odd ones who hated slings and carriers from day one! We went through soooo many from the sling library (I wanted one for rural walks) and tried for months but she hated it. Even now, she’ll scream blue murder and plank every time we try to get her into a backpack carrier/hip seat/stretchy sling. Always loved her buggy though, and naps in it even now (albeit in her bedroom with the blinds closed). Her nickname at nursery is Miss Independent 🤦🏻‍♀️

DC2 has a nap around that time too but I wouldn't not go out for the day. DC would have to sleep later, in the car or in the pram

I worked out what my baby needed to nap while out :) for my eldest she needed darkness so we had a snoozeshade, white noise so we took her myHummy everywhere we went, and milk so we always made sure we had extra with us for emergency naps! Once we’d figured out what she needed to nap while out we went on days out happily without having to worry! My youngest falls asleep just from being in the buggy so it’s much easier with her 😂