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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not planning a full day out because of baby's nap!!!

208 replies

Ori38 · 17/07/2020 12:23

AIBU in not planning a full day out with my eldest son due to the younger one not being able to get his lunchtime nap???? I really want to do some days out over the holidays - i.e. local farms/attractions etc but the issue is my little one (19 months) has a nap from 12 noon - 2pm.

If he doesn't get it he's a screaming, tantrumy mess by 3.30 and then it's just a horrendous struggle to try and edge him anywhere close to a normal bedtime (7pm.) No-one enjoys themselves in these situations!!!

With the both of them I'd usually try and do park in the morning, or just let them play in the garden followed by lunch, then home (if we've gone out) for the babies' nap. Usually put a film on for the older one (he's 6) over the 2 hr naptime.

Interested to hear from other mums how you plan the day outings if you've got baby/naptimes to consider?

Thanks

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 17/07/2020 14:16

This is one of the many reasons that neither of our children ever had a set routine , they slept when they wanted to sleep wherever we happened to be and nobody needed to run their lives around nap time or set meal times . I’ve absolutely no idea how people can organise their lives to this degree but I suppose it’s horses for courses and lots of people wouldn’t have liked our haphazard approach .

Ori38 · 17/07/2020 14:18

This reply has been deleted

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NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 17/07/2020 14:20

Floral

My friend was like you. Her kid is permanently knackered. His behaviour is often quite bad, hyper, overtired, he doesnt know if he is coming or going. Some children are absolutely fine with no routine, others need & love it & are nicer, happier children for getting more sleep.

Its not like it's a complete myth how important sleep is. There are a huge number of studies showing the importance of getting enough sleep on childrens development. How much is enough will vary child to child, but for some children a flexible approach can mean their sleep needs simply aren't met.

IamMoana · 17/07/2020 14:24

My daughter randomly slept better in her pram than she did at home! Would be a complete battle in the cot but if I put her in her pram, reclined it back & put the hood down she'd be gone by the time we got to the bottom of the road. I think the motion helps. I couldn't never have imagined staying in or declining things to fit around a nap, my advice would be to go for it and try the odd day here or there. You may be surprised. Good luck

howaboutchocolate · 17/07/2020 14:26

Lol at the idea of a child "suffering" because they don't get a full day out. It's not like they're locked in a cupboard for the duration of their siblings nap, ffs. Children don't need days out. They just need to play and be interacted with, whether that's at home or the park or whatever. Perfectly easy to do that around a younger child's naptime.

Bigbonesmeatandgravy · 17/07/2020 14:27

Obviously lots of people have been blessed with great sleepers and haven't experienced the disruption that can happen when a sensitive baby doesn't get enough daytime sleep.
If my 20 month old has a short nap he has a split night and is awake for up to 3 hours in the middle of the night, guaranteed.
I agree that half day outings are the way forward in this situation.

Kaykay066 · 17/07/2020 14:33

Would be sleep in a backpack? Heavy at that age though I had 2 older kids and 2 wee ones a year apart in age, we’d never have gone anywhere if they had to nap at home and slept in buggy but I’m aware not all kids do. Could you go for a walk in buggy after lunch when he’d normally sleep so he will sleep in the buggy but you’re close enough to get home if it goes wrong, maybe to a park for your older son?

It’s not easy working with small kids and people can be quite nasty, you’re doing your best just ignore it and try some suggestions and see how you get on

Hopeisnotastrategy · 17/07/2020 14:46

YABU

NotShiny · 17/07/2020 14:52

:"39cuntryclub

My ds never napped in the pushchair and had to be at home. Dd only ever napped in the car or pushchair. Some people won’t get that there’s not much you can do about this unless they’ve experienced similar."

Are you the boss or are they? Of course there is something you can do. If they are tired they will sleep. Mine slept in buggies, cars, anywhere really. I would never not go out. Does that mean you basically stay in for a few years? How crazy is that. We went on days out literally all the time. If they were tired, they slept, or on the way home in the car. Dont let a baby rule your life.

mellowgreenspring · 17/07/2020 14:57

They just cat nap in the car journeys and buggy's? If it's only a few days a week it won't worry him.

doadeer · 17/07/2020 15:01

Sounds tricky. Could you get to activity eg zoo for 9am, stay till 11.45 then have lunch. Depending on how far away it is, little one can sleep on way back? Or go for a walk with pram after the food so they can sleep? Or you go somewhere after 2pm, maybe try to bring nap forward so they wake at1.45 that day?

newstart1234 · 17/07/2020 15:03

I used to just go places for the morning, or take full day trips with just the older one. It’s only for a short time until they no longer nap. I don’t think any day trip experience Is better than decent sleep. Age 1-2 is difficult - too old to sleep well anywhere, to young to drop daytime sleep.

doadeer · 17/07/2020 15:05

Or could you leave at 12 so little one sleeps in car and just have a drive... Then you could always park up somewhere nice and have a picnic with eldest. Then by time smaller one wakes you are the venue and can go straight in?

RedOasis · 17/07/2020 15:19

Use a buggy?

ForeverBubblegum · 17/07/2020 15:37

Mine was also a buggy hater, we would leave at midday and go somewhere about an hour's drive away (or have a car picnic if the journeys not long enough).

Although by 18+ months, sometimes he just didn't get a nap / had late nap on the way home. we just put up with the grumpy toddler and changer bed time accordingly.

cuntryclub · 17/07/2020 15:54

@NotShiny

:"39cuntryclub

My ds never napped in the pushchair and had to be at home. Dd only ever napped in the car or pushchair. Some people won’t get that there’s not much you can do about this unless they’ve experienced similar."

Are you the boss or are they? Of course there is something you can do. If they are tired they will sleep. Mine slept in buggies, cars, anywhere really. I would never not go out. Does that mean you basically stay in for a few years? How crazy is that. We went on days out literally all the time. If they were tired, they slept, or on the way home in the car. Dont let a baby rule your life.

I'm not sure why you have named me here? I never said the quote above 🤷🏻‍♀️

yesteaandawineplease · 17/07/2020 16:46

[quote MyEnormousTurnip]@Ori38 don’t feel bad. You’re trying to do your best by both your children.

Some people are just unkind.[/quote]
I agree with this.

You have to balance the needs of both your children. Its your decision how to do that. Fwiw I would usually do as you describe, ie morning out and back for nap, but would sometimes plan for a buggy or car nap for a bigger day out. Up to you if or how often that is.

Yeahnahmum · 17/07/2020 16:50

Youngest one can sleep in the buggy or something like that. Or do you wanna be stuck at home for maybe another year to come.

No thanks. Love your life and the baby will have toadjust.

Babyboomtastic · 17/07/2020 16:56

My first I made sure she napped in the buggy or sling from tiny. She rarely napped in the cot/bed before the age of 2.

My second is a lot more sensitive to environmental stuff (despite us working on this) but if we are out, them she'll sleep in the buggy or sling, or on the way home. Unless she adapts (she's got used to cot naps with Covid) I'd alternate so she still gets some good rest but it's madness to plan your life round a baby nap!

dingledongle · 17/07/2020 17:01

I always worked around nap times so I understand why you do it!

My two are teenagers now but it is good for them to learn to accommodate the needs of each other.

I used to use the nap time as an opportunity to spend time with the older child Wink

heidiealice · 17/07/2020 17:13

We've just got back from a day out, baby less than 9 months. Would hate for the elder DCs to miss out.
I think you need to find a solution, there are plenty of cheap strollers that lie flat out there as we've had them for holiday. Try Argos or Facebook marketplace etc.
Some people are being a little harsh on you but you only have to go to popular children's attraction to see that lots of people are out and about doing things with older DC while babies and toddlers are in prams.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 17/07/2020 17:22

Notshiny

It's pretty standard. There are 3 things you cannot MAKE a baby do when you want to. Eat, sleep & shit.

Are you seriously telling me you never had times when your baby got tired and cranky and literally cried/screamed for an hour in the car ALL the way home? Because that's what I would get, and I found it incredibly difficult to drive safely with a child doing that in the back. Stopping and getting them out for a few mins did not help.

When mine are too tired, they will scream for hours at bedtime. They will do this until rocked to sleep for up to an hour, they will then wake several times in the night and wake for the day extremely early the next day (5am). Their sleep is then all over the place for days and days and days.

It's nothing to do with who's fucking boss.

some babies dont just drop off to sleep anywhere. Deal with it.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 17/07/2020 17:25

Heidiealice

Some people's children are happy to doze in a pram. Some babies need less sleep. Some parents feel their social life or days out are more important than their child sleeping well, and dont mind if their child cries a lot for a few hours or sleeps badly for a few nights, if it means they can have a nice day out.
Some babies dont bloody sleep no matter what their parents do, so a day out makes ok difference.

Sipperskipper · 17/07/2020 17:26

I had to be like this with DD as she wouldn't nap more than 15 mind anywhere but her cot, where she would have a solid couple of hours. Without it she would be a miserable mess by teatime. It suited us though as I liked the time to myself in the day to relax a bit!

Expecting DD2 in August and know it will have to be a bit different as will be doing bits with DD.

NotShiny · 17/07/2020 17:30

"Some parents feel their social life or days out are more important than their child sleeping well, and dont mind if their child cries a lot for a few hours or sleeps badly for a few nights, if it means they can have a nice day out."
Omg. My children slept well and were a lot happier because they had a good day out. What a stupid thing to say that kids who go on days out dont sleep well. That's just ridiculous. My kids loved roaming and running about in the fresh air and slept where they wanted. The fresh air helps them sleep better. Sometimes it was on a picnic blanket in the woods or on the beach, sometimes in the buggy or a nap on the way home. A lot of people just dont go on days out, they think its fir a special occasion.

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