Not planning a full day out because of baby's nap!!!

[Ori38]

AIBU in not planning a full day out with my eldest son due to the younger one not being able to get his lunchtime nap???? I really want to do some days out over the holidays - i.e. local farms/attractions etc but the issue is my little one (19 months) has a nap from 12 noon - 2pm.

If he doesn't get it he's a screaming, tantrumy mess by 3.30 and then it's just a horrendous struggle to try and edge him anywhere close to a normal bedtime (7pm.) No-one enjoys themselves in these situations!!!

With the both of them I'd usually try and do park in the morning, or just let them play in the garden followed by lunch, then home (if we've gone out) for the babies' nap. Usually put a film on for the older one (he's 6) over the 2 hr naptime.

Interested to hear from other mums how you plan the day outings if you've got baby/naptimes to consider?

Thanks

@DefConOne

Smallsteps88 ‘Get the used to sleeping everywhere’. Helpful. My kids aren’t great sleepers. One has autism and sensory processing disorder. But clearly I failed as a parent because I couldn’t train her out of this a baby.

Oh dear. I Think you need to take the defensive chip off your shoulder and re-read my post. Because nowhere in it does it say that anyone has failed as a parent because their child won’t sleep anywhere, let alone a child with autism and SPD.

@Ube1

Well I've booked a 10 day holiday in the Isle of Wight for them both so I can assure you I'm trying my hardest! My mom is coming as well so I can have a hand there. I have booked some days out for the eldest in the run-up to August. My mum has baby on those days

Had you never considered him having his nap in the buggy before?
Mine naps in his cot every day from 12-2 but the obvious thought when the DC were off school and we were planning day trips was ‘he’ll have to nap in his buggy’. Turns out he wasn’t a massive fan on that , but that’s still the first solution that tends to come to mind.

@Ori38

Yes it'll have to be the buggy. I've got a stroller which sits him very upright but may adapt the sides to let it down at the back. He's gonna have to nap there. Thanks everyone

At 19 months I still had the original travel system which lay flat so dd would sleep.

Sorry but now you have 2 you can't plan your life around nap times because you will never do anything

I think you need to realise that a break in routine won't kill anyone.

@Ori38 it is hard! Do not worry, not every baby sleeps in a pram/buggy. I would try to stage it. I.e. go somewhere local, so you have the safety net of coming back home. See how much you can push the smaller one.

I agree, he needs to learn some flexibility, but it's a process, and can take time. Be gentle to yourself too, it is hard with two of them.

Step by step you'll get there, he'll nap in a car/pram and all will be well. It is a good idea to get yourself on that path, but the length of the journey is completely up to you :)

Good luck!

I remember my now ex SIL insisting I moved Christmas dinner for 25 because the time I was cooking it at didn’t suit her baby’s (toddler really) nap time.

I told her to come later. Or put him to sleep up in a bedroom.

I do think some flexibility is a good thing but some people seem welded to naps in cot in the dark.

I would personally get a buggy that lies flat and just carry on.

I’m sure OP had considered the buggy before but was just saying that to stop all the comments!!!

Some say it isn’t fair on the eldest... some might say missing a nap isn’t fair on the youngest. Naps are so important at that age, it helps children develop. Scandinavian counties which tend to encourage kids to nap past the age of 4 have a much much lower rate of ADHD and behavioural issues.

My eldest was total mare when it came to naps, she was a mare at sleeping from the minute she was born. We got a snoozeshade which was a blackout thing on the buggy, only thing that worked when out or at nursery. She is 10 now and is still up late and first up in the morning.

Second one was much easier, she would just nap anywhere.

Fuck me. Rod for your own back. I thought this was a parenting site? My 15 month old won't go to bed until 8.30-9 if he hasn't had his proper nap. He's a baby, that's what they do. "Time for him to learn some flexibility" some of you must forget what it's like to have small children.

Smallsteps88 She didn’t get a diagnosis until she was 8. We’re passed that stage now but it’s really upsetting when you have a difficult child to constantly be told you should have tried harder. I’m not bothered now because I know I’m a great parent but comments like yours were really upsetting when I was a new parent.

The OP hasn’t indicated that the toddler won’t nap in the buggy though has she? It reads like she hasn’t tried yet.
I commented because I do have young children, and had similar concerns before a day trip this week. Turned out he didn’t nap very well in his buggy (he slept 20 mins) but overall it was fine.
No point stressing about it until you’ve tried it.

@Ori38

Yes it'll have to be the buggy. I've got a stroller which sits him very upright but may adapt the sides to let it down at the back. He's gonna have to nap there. Thanks everyone

So the issue wasn't even that they won't sleep in the buggy

I do think some flexibility is a good thing but some people seem welded to naps in cot in the dark.

I think I’m one of those people.

DS is 7m old so most of his life has been spent with covid restrictions hanging over us. So just when I was starting to get really confident taking him here there and everywhere suddenly we were pretty much confined to the house barring a pram wall each day.

After the 4m sleep regression his sleep went to absolute shit and for two months until he was 6m he woke up every hour overnight... sent me crazy, ended up depressed (diagnosed), anxious about being alone with him cos I knew I just wouldn’t be able to sleep for more then a 20m stretch at a time for days on end when husband was working.

Worked really really hard to get his sleep better and now it’s amazing. Partly because of lockdown we’ve had the time and space to work at it with being in the house all the time. Now he sleeps great but it’s very regimented: naps at a specific time, bedtime same time, always in his cot, puts himself to sleep and so forth. And now I’m worried about upending it all by going on full days out in case he ends up overtired or it messes our progress up and we go back to broken sleep all night long...

Can you have a little empathy for why someone people might be a little more regimented with their baby’s sleep than others? I’d love to just pop him down anywhere any time and him go off for a good stretch, but all babies are different.

I am gonna work on it and we have some days out planned coming up where we’ll see what happens!

I had one who'd nap anywhere, two who'd only nap in the cot after about 12m, and I never felt anyone was 'missing out' by having a morning activity and back home for nap/lunch, or going out after nap time. Everyone is close in age, may not be as practical with bigger gaps. Occasionally we'd go out all day if it was something I really wanted, but it just wasn't worth the hassle for anything else.

Nap time doesn't last forever, soon they won't nap and you'll miss it, although it does make planning easier. Do what works for you and ignore the negative comments.

I’m hoping that by next summer mine will have dropped his nap entirely (he’ll be 2.5 then) as it’ll make life much easier!

@DefConOne

Smallsteps88 She didn’t get a diagnosis until she was 8. We’re passed that stage now but it’s really upsetting when you have a difficult child to constantly be told you should have tried harder. I’m not bothered now because I know I’m a great parent but comments like yours were really upsetting when I was a new parent.

My post wasn’t about or to you! it wasn’t a criticism of anyone! There was no criticism in the post at all. No one said you should have tried harder. It was me saying what advice I give to new mums based on the dilemma the OP is having now. Seriously, it’s not an attack on anyone. Take the chip off your shoulder.

@Drivingdownthe101

I wouldn’t push to drop a nap for ease as napping is vital in development

2.5 Is young yo not nap

If we’ve really gotten to the point where we can’t give advice to other parents because that advice isn’t applicable to someone else then MN is now redundant.

@Ori38 I live on the Isle of Wight if you have any questions about it😊
I'd have a few practice tries to see if he will nap in the buggy(take a blanket/sheet or cuddly toy from his cot)
Your 6 year old will love Blackgang Chine on the Island it reopens on the 25th July.

@Sharkerr

I do think some flexibility is a good thing but some people seem welded to naps in cot in the dark.

I think I’m one of those people.

DS is 7m old so most of his life has been spent with covid restrictions hanging over us. So just when I was starting to get really confident taking him here there and everywhere suddenly we were pretty much confined to the house barring a pram wall each day.

After the 4m sleep regression his sleep went to absolute shit and for two months until he was 6m he woke up every hour overnight... sent me crazy, ended up depressed (diagnosed), anxious about being alone with him cos I knew I just wouldn’t be able to sleep for more then a 20m stretch at a time for days on end when husband was working.

Worked really really hard to get his sleep better and now it’s amazing. Partly because of lockdown we’ve had the time and space to work at it with being in the house all the time. Now he sleeps great but it’s very regimented: naps at a specific time, bedtime same time, always in his cot, puts himself to sleep and so forth. And now I’m worried about upending it all by going on full days out in case he ends up overtired or it messes our progress up and we go back to broken sleep all night long...

Can you have a little empathy for why someone people might be a little more regimented with their baby’s sleep than others? I’d love to just pop him down anywhere any time and him go off for a good stretch, but all babies are different.

I am gonna work on it and we have some days out planned coming up where we’ll see what happens!

Some flexibility and some people is what I said.

I was talking specifically about a once a year event, namely Christmas dinner, where I was cooking by myself for 25 people with no help. Perhaps my then SIL should have had some empathy for me?

Some posters must’ve been blessed with babies who slept everywhere. DD would ALWAYS fall asleep on her pushchair before the age of 1, it was great and she was definitely used to it. Suddenly after her birthday she stopped, same with her car seat too. Now she will only fall asleep in her own bed at home, she naps 12-2 as well and I have tried to take her out between these times with the buggy and she will scream and scream and WILL NOT go to sleep.

OP I’m a bit of a slave to naps at the moment too, but it’s not forever and like a few PPs have said, I’d just go with either going first thing (9am) until around 2:30.

It’s always the parents with easy going sleepers who make the rest feel like they’ve failed because their toddlers won’t sleep in their pushchairs! :-\

Of course I’m not going to push for it . What do you think I’m going to do, poke him awake if he needs a sleep?
I have two DD’s who both, completely of their own accord, dropped their naps before they were 2. As soon as they dropped it they started sleeping 12-13 hours at night (previously very poor night time sleepers) and at 6 and 5 still sleep a solid 12 hours. They’re bright, well rested, happy and healthy.
So I’m fine for nap advice thank you .

I was talking specifically about a once a year event, namely Christmas dinner, where I was cooking by myself for 25 people with no help. Perhaps my then SIL should have had some empathy for me?

I know it's not the point of the thread but was there no other adults there to help? Your DH, DB or DBil?