Not planning a full day out because of baby's nap!!!

[Ori38]

AIBU in not planning a full day out with my eldest son due to the younger one not being able to get his lunchtime nap???? I really want to do some days out over the holidays - i.e. local farms/attractions etc but the issue is my little one (19 months) has a nap from 12 noon - 2pm.

If he doesn't get it he's a screaming, tantrumy mess by 3.30 and then it's just a horrendous struggle to try and edge him anywhere close to a normal bedtime (7pm.) No-one enjoys themselves in these situations!!!

With the both of them I'd usually try and do park in the morning, or just let them play in the garden followed by lunch, then home (if we've gone out) for the babies' nap. Usually put a film on for the older one (he's 6) over the 2 hr naptime.

Interested to hear from other mums how you plan the day outings if you've got baby/naptimes to consider?

Thanks

We used to go to attraction as soon as it opened. Especially at a 9am opening we would usually be out before 1pm and DC2 would be asleep in the car before we left the car park for a power nap. Was easier as DC1 was younger so had less stamina and was ready to leave- a 6 year old may feel more that they are being dragged away. Better than not going at all though.

Also if the baby is tired and screaming at 3:30pm I would let them have a sleep instead of fighting them to stay awake until 7pm because that's marked as 'bedtime'

Mine always slept in the buggy. I think you just need to go out and expect it to be awkward for the first few times. It will improve

@Ube1

It’s just a selfish, self absorbed attitude.

That's made me feel a bit (sad)

I've got to say I agree with @Alsohuman when you have more than one child they need to fit into your routine not the other way around. It breaks my heart when I see older siblings missing out on so much because "oh baby needs this" it's hard enough for them to now have to share you with someone else without being told they cant do something because of baby.
My 2nd DD would sleep in the buggy if we had days out, all the excitement would tire her out and it meant I could spend one on one time with DD1. Currently due my DC3 and they will fit in around the routines we already have in place.

@TwentyViginti

Considering the 6 year old (well pre Covid) would have been in school 5 days a week so this would only happen 2 times a week I don’t see the problem with this. Especially if the kids have been out in the morning like OP said then probably again after the nap!

@cuntryclub

My ds never napped in the pushchair and had to be at home. Dd only ever napped in the car or pushchair. Some people won’t get that there’s not much you can do about this unless they’ve experienced similar.

I totally get it. I just didn't sweat over whether they had a nap or not, the precise time info's of any nap or the location. We literally just got on with life. I'm always a bit speechless at the amount of people scared to live because they have a small child who needs a nap.

Well then you don’t “get it”. If I didn’t bother about whether they had naps or not they’d be screaming red-eyed monsters way past their normal bedtime. Far easier and nicer for everyone to make a few adjustments in the daytime and have a peaceful, pleasant bedtime and a good nights sleep.

We weren’t “scared to live” 😂

Yes it'll have to be the buggy. I've got a stroller which sits him very upright but may adapt the sides to let it down at the back. He's gonna have to nap there. Thanks everyone

This is why I tell every expectant mum i know to train their baby to fall asleep anywhere from birth. Get them used to falling asleep in the car, in the park, in the crib, in the Moses basket, in daylight, in darkness, with noise, with silence, indoors, outdoors etc makes them far more portable and flexible particularly when you have older DCs.

Sorry op I think you are being very unfair on you eldest. Why should they suffer because if a nap.

Why can't youngest sleep in a pushchair?

I know what you mean, my child refused to sleep outside in a buggy and I could be pushing her walking around a park for 2 hours with her just screaming. It made it very hard to go anywhere or meet anyone for lunch. We ended up pushing the nap time from 12-2pm to 1-3pm instead so that at least if we met people at 12 for lunch we could spend an hour or so before leaving. It really depends on the kind of baby you have! Ours was hard during the day but slept perfectly at night.

@Ori38 don’t feel bad. You’re trying to do your best by both your children.

Some people are just unkind.

I know how you feel. When I had dd1 I use to be really mean about friends who were slaves to naps but now I have dd2 I completely understand! Dd1 would happily nap in the pushchair and car and it didn't cause too much of an issue if she slept at random times but dd2 (also 19 months) is hard work if she misses her nap and she very rarely sleeps in the pushchair or car, and if she does it will be a very short cat nap. If she naps late then she goes to bed late. However, it isn't fair on dd1 that we can't go far from home so we've sucked it up the last two weekends, we've just tried to ensure that the day before and after that dd2 gets her usual cot nap.

@Tinyhumansurvivalist

Sorry op I think you are being very unfair on you eldest. Why should they suffer because if a nap.

Why can't youngest sleep in a pushchair?

Because some babies/toddlers won’t sleep in the pushchair? Is it that hard to grasp?

My two didn’t nap in buggies at that age. DC1 didn’t sleep in the car either. We mostly were tied to nap times but she when napped quite late in the day and we still had a good night sleep. Sometimes DD2 just had to be moody in her buggy on a day out so big sis could have a life. She’d sleep in the car on the way home. I think interrupting the little ones nap routine occasionally seems entirely fair if you have a 6 year old. At that age his life shouldn’t be dictated to by nap time every single day of the holidays. It is hard if you have inflexible nappers but it doesn’t last for ever ( all over by 2nd birthday with my DD2).

Example: We're going to the zoo next week it's an hour away direct route, hour and twenty scenic route. We've booked tickets with a 10.30-11 entry time slot. Will leave home around 9.15 DS gets up around 7 usually, so he might have a nap he might not, we'll do the zoo, have a picnic lunch, head off about 3.30/4 he'll almost definitely sleep all the way home so I'll go the quicker route, home around 4.30/5 wake up, play for a bit tea at 5.30/6 bath at six thirty, story, milk, asleep by 7.30 although probably earlier as he'll be tired from his busy day. He will have had an hour or two split over the day, and if very tired I'll take the buggy, although it's likely to be far too exciting for that. 'mummy Monkeeeee!!!!'

Do a late afternoon activity?

Mine just used to sleep in the buggy or the car. I just used to lie the pushchair flat.

Mine either slept in pram or in car on way home..I didn't plan my life around naps. I was irritated by people who did like the poster above and the zoo trip.

Smallsteps88 ‘Get the used to sleeping everywhere’. Helpful. My kids aren’t great sleepers. One has autism and sensory processing disorder. But clearly I failed as a parent because I couldn’t train her out of this a baby.

My youngest is the same age, and I have 3 older kids. Baby does nap for a couple hours about 12-2 but he just has to fit in with what we are doing, I certainly don't base my days around his naps. He can sleep in the car, pushchair.

Yours clearly isn’t a self absorbed attitude OP as you’re doing it for your youngest and I get that. SIL just didn’t care that 5 other adults had to sit around all weekend as she was so insistent we couldn’t go out due to kid’s naps. (Heaven help us if we suggested we go out and do something without her/ them )

I just think it will be impacting your eldest a bit as it’s disappointing to not be able to do anything due to someone else’s nap time

I think it's better for your child and the wider family if children can be flexible about nap times. I would still go out for the day. The young one would either nap in the buggy/car or not. If they got grumpy so be it. After a while they would either fall asleep if tired enough or cope with staying awake. I don't think it is good for them to have too rigid s routine. Although it is nice for the carer to have a 2 hour break.

@CottonSock

Mine either slept in pram or in car on way home..I didn't plan my life around naps. I was irritated by people who did like the poster above and the zoo trip.

Why on earth would someone else’s plans for their day irritate you?

@Ori38

Yes it'll have to be the buggy. I've got a stroller which sits him very upright but may adapt the sides to let it down at the back. He's gonna have to nap there. Thanks everyone

Your response makes it sound like this is something you hadn’t considered. Really?