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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not planning a full day out because of baby's nap!!!

208 replies

Ori38 · 17/07/2020 12:23

AIBU in not planning a full day out with my eldest son due to the younger one not being able to get his lunchtime nap???? I really want to do some days out over the holidays - i.e. local farms/attractions etc but the issue is my little one (19 months) has a nap from 12 noon - 2pm.

If he doesn't get it he's a screaming, tantrumy mess by 3.30 and then it's just a horrendous struggle to try and edge him anywhere close to a normal bedtime (7pm.) No-one enjoys themselves in these situations!!!

With the both of them I'd usually try and do park in the morning, or just let them play in the garden followed by lunch, then home (if we've gone out) for the babies' nap. Usually put a film on for the older one (he's 6) over the 2 hr naptime.

Interested to hear from other mums how you plan the day outings if you've got baby/naptimes to consider?

Thanks

OP posts:
DefConOne · 17/07/2020 13:19

Smallsteps88 no chip on my shoulder thanks. I did try and train my children but they are stronger willed than me 😄. Just glad that stage is over as they are more trainable now.

Melonslicexx · 17/07/2020 13:20

Will baby not sleep in the buggy or crash on the way home? I think you should go out. Let him fall asleep afterwards and have a later night? You can do it a couple of times! I do understand the struggle. I've got a toddler and 5 year old. So whilst one is passed the naps/nappies/tantrum stage my other is still very much in it. Luckily days out (not that we've had any this year) are usually good at tiring them out so they sleep in the car.

I think you probably just feel how I do. It's abit much effort sometimes when you know the younger one will make it abit less relaxing. But you do need to push yourself once or twice to have a couple of good days out. It's important for your eldest to get a treat.

Is there anyone who can have the baby for the day? I understand this isn't easy too as I'm very limited.

JaaniGoGo · 17/07/2020 13:21

Smallsteps88

I get you. It’s honestly great advice.

Mydogisthebestest · 17/07/2020 13:21

@lockdownparty

I was talking specifically about a once a year event, namely Christmas dinner, where I was cooking by myself for 25 people with no help. Perhaps my then SIL should have had some empathy for me?

I know it's not the point of the thread but was there no other adults there to help? Your DH, DB or DBil?

None of the other adults were prepared to help. (She was ex’s sister).

You’ll note I said ex. 😁

Smallsteps88 · 17/07/2020 13:22

I did try and train my children

So you did exactly what I suggest new parents do? Which suggests you saw some benefit to trying to do that. But apparently I’m wrong to advise others to do exactly what you did. Confused

Smallsteps88 · 17/07/2020 13:23

@JaaniGoGo

Smallsteps88

I get you. It’s honestly great advice.

Thank you!
OverTheRainbow88 · 17/07/2020 13:29

Lots of kids will start resisting nap time around age 2. Although resisting it's not necessarily a sign that s/he is ready to stop napping altogether.

Drivingdownthe101 · 17/07/2020 13:30

@OverTheRainbow88

Lots of kids will start resisting nap time around age 2. Although resisting it's not necessarily a sign that s/he is ready to stop napping altogether.
I’m aware of that. Mine were happier and much less tired/cranky when they dropped their nap and started sleeping well at night, but thank you for your continued advice.
isadorapolly · 17/07/2020 13:31

Another year or so and he won’t need a nap. Plenty of time for days out, do whatever is easiest!

Frozenfrogs86 · 17/07/2020 13:31

It’s a pain, isn’t it? Mine would nap in buggies or the car and I’d try to time it well.

I have friends with very very rigid nap schedules and I must admit it makes it very hard to co-ordinate with them but I try to be understanding because ultimately it’s only for a relatively short time and they aren’t doing it to be difficult. If anything, they are just trying to survive the baby/toddler years.

DefConOne · 17/07/2020 13:31

Smallsteps88 The way you worded sounded like it was in the control of the parent. It’s certainly not bad advice to try and get your baby to sleep anywhere. I do appreciate I am over sensitive after years of criticism and didn’t mean to get in a row 🙂. Parenting can be hard and you can do everything the ‘right’ my way and It doesn’t always go according to plan.

OverTheRainbow88 · 17/07/2020 13:31

No worries 😊

Topseyt · 17/07/2020 13:32

I don't remember pandering to naps. Maybe just a bit with DD1 because she was my first baby and I fussed far to much at first, but I soon stopped after the first few weeks.

When I had the younger two and DD1 was a preschooler I just planned to do whatever we wanted to and they just had to fit in, even if they wouldn't sleep at the time. I just bunged them into the buggy and cracked on with it. I wouldn't have remained sane otherwise, and it wouldn't have been fair on the older children. Often they slept in the buggy, but sometimes they wouldn't and would give off, which I largely ignored.

isadorapolly · 17/07/2020 13:32

As someone upthread said every now and again it’s worth it for a nice day out but don’t feel like you need constant days out.

Chloemol · 17/07/2020 13:34

Why can’t he sleep in the buggy, it’s really not fair on the oldest to have everything dictated around his sibling

Acornacorn · 17/07/2020 13:35

I’m in the rigid nap camp. I do feel bad for my toddler that we’re restricted because of the baby’s main nap but I find myself anxious if we don’t stick to the routine so everyone just gets grumpy then. I figure that the nap years pass quickly and then we can roam further.

SideEyeing · 17/07/2020 13:36

Hey OP,
My dd is 7.5m (only child) and I'm struggling with this too so don't feel bad. I took way longer than I should have to get her into any semblance of a routine. Lockdown kind of ended up being the ideal opportunity because DH was off work so if I had a hellish night at least I had support during the day. The problem is it almost worked TOO well in that she now struggles with any activities that don't allow her 30m in her crib here, 2h there etc.
I'm trying to not freak out about it and just be flexible. I know if I have an activity planned between say, 11 and 3 (overriding the long nap) I might put her down earlier for an hour and then do an hour at four. I've found as long as she roughly gets 2 - 2.5h a day (I imagine less for your little one as he's older) she's okay.
The schedule you have sounds like the Little Ones programme? My friend got it too. I read the pdfs ans while I adapted elements of it for us, it doesn't allow for much flexibility at all (esp for dd who is breastfed on demand).

User50000999788887876655 · 17/07/2020 13:38

Yanbu I get so sick of people who stick to a sleep routine being painted as OTT mums who are controlling. My second child won’t sleep in the buggy at all. My first would, second wouldn’t. It’s no fun day out with a screaming baby. We just did days out around nap.

Misslees · 17/07/2020 13:38

Gosh, people are so harsh! Do whatever works best for you, OP. Kids don't need constant full day trips anyway. Somewhere in morning or afternoon is fine!

Drivingdownthe101 · 17/07/2020 13:40

@User50000999788887876655

Yanbu I get so sick of people who stick to a sleep routine being painted as OTT mums who are controlling. My second child won’t sleep in the buggy at all. My first would, second wouldn’t. It’s no fun day out with a screaming baby. We just did days out around nap.
It sounds like the OP hasn’t tried to get them sleeping in the buggy though. Surely it’s worth a try? My first didn’t, my second did. I was anxious about trying with my third but we did and he was fine.
Original poster
Ori38 · 17/07/2020 13:43

Thank-you everyone for your advice. Lots of possibilities. Different views but lots of possibilities. I've got a stroller for the little one, not a buggy as such. It doesn't really allow for him to lie back which is what I'd probably feel more comfortable with.

Have to have a think as I do agree with those posters who have talked about compromise and the eldest one not losing out. The reason I posted the thread is because I do plan on booking some days but wanted to hear what others would do to make it possible. Thanks again

OP posts:
Fatted · 17/07/2020 13:47

@Ori38 my youngest gave up naps entirely at 18 months. By this age there should be some flexibility.

You really need to get your youngest to deal with napping on the go. We still had the pushchair rather than a stroller at this age, so we could recline it when the DC needed to sleep on the go. Or they just slept in the car on the way back and I carried them onto the sofa to sleep when we got home.

When my DC were little, I rotated so had a day at home, day out etc. It's not fair to expect your eldest to stay in every day.

jessstan2 · 17/07/2020 13:48

Can he not sleep in pushchair? Mine did and you see lots of children asleep in them while they are out.

Don't get too bogged down by routine, it should be flexible.

I hope you have a good time whilst out.

Livpool · 17/07/2020 13:49

I only have one but when he was younger we just used to get on with our day. We were lucky that he would sleep in a pushchair but if he didn't have a nap and was ratty would just put him to bed ear

WheresMyMilk · 17/07/2020 13:49

People are so harsh on this thread. The OP is trying to do her best by both of her children and has asked for advice. The older one is probably not missing out on much by doing half days at places.

OP ignore those lucky enough to have children who slept in prams or weren’t too adversely affected by not napping, and focus on the constructive advice you’ve had regarding getting there early, and pushing nap back slightly, and someone staying at home with the little one so the older one has a full day. I hope you and your eldest enjoy the days out you’ve booked together when your mum will look after baby Smile

I have to say @Smallsteps88 your post read to me like it was something the parent could control if they “trained” their child to sleep anywhere, and didn’t really acknowledge that for shitloads of parents, whatever training they did their baby would still be a shit sleeper, and I think it was that which annoyed the PP as opposed to a suggestion that people could do their best to train their babies to sleep anywhere, in case it worked, which would be good advice.