Not planning a full day out because of baby's nap!!!

[Ori38]

AIBU in not planning a full day out with my eldest son due to the younger one not being able to get his lunchtime nap???? I really want to do some days out over the holidays - i.e. local farms/attractions etc but the issue is my little one (19 months) has a nap from 12 noon - 2pm.

If he doesn't get it he's a screaming, tantrumy mess by 3.30 and then it's just a horrendous struggle to try and edge him anywhere close to a normal bedtime (7pm.) No-one enjoys themselves in these situations!!!

With the both of them I'd usually try and do park in the morning, or just let them play in the garden followed by lunch, then home (if we've gone out) for the babies' nap. Usually put a film on for the older one (he's 6) over the 2 hr naptime.

Interested to hear from other mums how you plan the day outings if you've got baby/naptimes to consider?

Thanks

Also OP, how are you feeling and coping with things? I'm probably going to sound out of turn about saying this, but when I was really struggling with PND and anxiety when my eldest was born, I was super anxious about his sleep and naps. Whenever I am feeling a bit overwhelmed and anxious about things, the first thing I do is stop going out and start actively putting barriers up to avoid going out.

Again, probably completely off point. But at 19 months, it's unusual to still be so concerned about naps.

Op have a look at some of the silver cross strollers. They're lightweight and foldable but the one I had could lie flat plus had an extendable hood.

It IS stressful but my kids always slept in the buggy. A second hand baby jogger was great for this as it folded down almost flat.
I did often have to take a brisk walk in it after lunch though to get them to nap. Or time a car journey around that time. The sleep schedule is always a bit messed up on days out but not enough to warrant not going at all.

Well it certainly wasn’t what I meant (or believe). Just that if you start out with the intention to train sleep flexibility you’re starting on a better footing than if you never try.

And op it was clear you were looking for ways to make it work for both of your children.
People are just being dicks as usual.

My two haven't napped well in pram either.

You need to be able to build in a way to make it work.

1. snooze shade over pram. I guarantee you while moving, your child will do a 30 min nap, even if its 20 or 30 mins later than usual.

2. I know. Its not long enough. You end up with a cranky child later/nightmare bedtime, terrible night and it takes days and days to fully recover. The only solution is another nap. The best way to achieve this is to drive home at about 4-4.30pm. Baby will sleep in car. It's not ideal, but it will salvage things so that you can get them ok for bedtime.

Its hard because you never quite believe this is do-able but you need to do it occasionally.

I did that was with DC1
Then by DC2 I wanted my life back
They slept in car , buggy , in my arms etc

And he stopped his nap a bit sooner than o would have liked

But it was so happier

The time I lost trying to make children nap

Shudders

And the trying certainly is in the parents control. The outcome is in the hands of the wicked and mischievous baby sleep gods.

First DC would sleep absolutely anywhere but required lots of rocking at home. Second was an absolute dream and always fell asleep in his cot alone no problem but from a pretty early age would never sleep in his pram unless he got so over tired and cried for an hour plus and eventually fell asleep.

We have loads of things local to us so would always try to go out before and after nap while returning somewhere in the middle of the day for his nap. If we planned a full day out or saw friends etc then I would just bite the bullet and deal with the aggravation. You can’t be a complete slave to it, it isn’t fair on the older one.

Ps smallsteps

I was determined for my two to nap in the pram. It almost never worked. DD would when aged between 6m & 10m but then wouldnt when she was crawling age as couldn't get into her comfy position. DS would briefly after age 2 but the nap mattered less then.

To be fair, all the people I know who say their child naps in the pram are happy with a 30-40 min nap, generally. If you are used to a child who is comatose in a cot for 2.5 hours every day, 30 mins is not a lot by comparison.

Can you do the farm etc from something like 9-1and then home and younger one naps a little later on?
I'm assuming sleeping in the pram is out?
Do you have anyone who can look after younger one and you take elder one alone?

@Frazzled2207

A second hand baby jogger was great for this as it folded down almost flat.

Thanks Frazzled - I will look into this. Might be able to get something cheap off ebay. I think this would definitely be a good move to have something that folded down flat - even if it's just 30/40 mins that's enough - I'm not really precious about maintaining the full 2 hr length of the nap - just something/anything to help the day go more smoothly.

Buggy and snooze shade always worked for my daughter. I appreciate not all children are the same though.

Blimey , the finest representation of supportive mothers on this thread I see. Good lord noone is born with the innate ability to problem solve every eventuality and the OP genuinely asked for advice.

I mean I am all for the vipers nest etc but this thread just showcased exactly why people think the worst of mothers as a bitchy group.

Unless you have had two children before sometimes these things don't actually seem that obvious (especially if you are at baby sleep deprived point ).

OP yes , try to get the youngest DC to sleep in the buggy, I did have to battle through a couple of times before ds2 realised that he could still nap. I would also suggest when it hits nap time perhaps coincide that with a stop for a snack etc so a bot of quiet time (too much sensory overload dc2 will want to look around ) as hes starting to calm and look sleepy get walking around the zoo or whatever , the motion will help nod dc2 off.

It may take a couple of goes so don't panic if it doesn't work first time.

Please ignore the naysayers who faux scoff that you hadn't thought of this or are too stringent , honestly they are simply people who have so little confidence in their own abilities or person that they find something to target others on to make themselves feel remotely relevant.

@Cam2020 and @NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Yes, a snooze-shade does seem to be on the wish-list. I will have a look into this too - thanks.

Ps smallsteps

I was determined for my two to nap in the pram. It almost never worked. DD would when aged between 6m & 10m but then wouldnt when she was crawling age as couldn't get into her comfy position. DS would briefly after age 2 but the nap mattered less then.

People seem to think I’m saying “train them and it’ll be great.” I’m not. Babies aren’t robots. They all work in different ways. What I’m saying is if you start out trying to train flexibility you stand a far better chance of getting it than if you train your baby to expect a silent darkened room for every nap. I’m not saying if you try it- you’ll get it.

My son is 21 months old and there's no way I would miss his lunch nap unless I really really had to. We work around it.

However, we've just had our second child. I agree with the posters who have suggested that it's different with a second child in the mix. I suspect I might have to be less precious about my second child's nap when my older boy drops his. I don't know how people manage with loads of children!

Youngest walked at 9 months and refused to get in a pushchair as he wanted to walk everywhere.

I must admit I didn’t have any routine naps ever. I would take them both to Legoland or the local adventure farm for the day and take the buggy (it had a buggy board attached) as means to carry the picnic and if either of them felt tired they would hop on the buggy board or in the push chair and we would carry on.
I also had an extendable dog leads attached to their reins so they had freedom to move around but were safe.

I did know some mums who stuck religiously to the nap time routine but for us it wouldn’t have worked and by the time they were 18 months I don’t think they had a nap during the day.
I know when I was looking at nurseries the routine afternoon nap was mentioned and me thinking that if they slept during the day they wouldn’t sleep at night

@Shinyletsbebadguys

Yeah some people just like to be antagonistic I guess. Don't really understand it on a parenting site but there's some really good advice on here too from some posters. Thanks everyone

I've always been puzzled by people rushing home for naps, as my ds has always napped in the buggy. I guess if you are using a car it might be trickier.

This is why I'm scared of having a second child 😂 I don't know how you do it! I'd probably only do morning things for a bit, get someone else to take him and on the odd days just compromise and hope baby miraculously sleeps in the pram. Can you get one of those sun shade covers to go over to make it dark?

In fairness to the OP I do remember days out being really stressful when the children were younger. Mine were never great sleepers wherever they were and getting them to sleep, be it for naps or at night became a major obsession.
I was very very relieved when mine stopped napping although for years afterwards we had the situation of having to try hard NOT to get them to fall asleep in the car as if they did that would completely mess up bedtime. It does get better, promise.

@Argggghhneedclarity I wish mine would sleep in a pram! That's what I always assumed before having kids.

Usually put a film on for the older one (he's 6) over the 2 hr naptime.

Why don't you spend one-to-one time with the six-year-old while the younger one is sleeping, rather than sticking him in front of a screen? Is this the only time you can get things done?

Also I'm a bit confused - do you have one baby or two? (You say "eldest son" and "babies' nap" which makes it sound like there are two babies and one older child.)

I half agree but I also think you don't get to have your cake and eat it too.

The friends I knew who were most flexible about everything/didnt give a damn if their baby napped etc were also the same ones saying their kid was a poor sleeper .

If you start out trying to train for good sleep/long naps you stand a far better chance of getting it than if you train your baby to think that naps are a flexible/optional concept.