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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not planning a full day out because of baby's nap!!!

208 replies

Ori38 · 17/07/2020 12:23

AIBU in not planning a full day out with my eldest son due to the younger one not being able to get his lunchtime nap???? I really want to do some days out over the holidays - i.e. local farms/attractions etc but the issue is my little one (19 months) has a nap from 12 noon - 2pm.

If he doesn't get it he's a screaming, tantrumy mess by 3.30 and then it's just a horrendous struggle to try and edge him anywhere close to a normal bedtime (7pm.) No-one enjoys themselves in these situations!!!

With the both of them I'd usually try and do park in the morning, or just let them play in the garden followed by lunch, then home (if we've gone out) for the babies' nap. Usually put a film on for the older one (he's 6) over the 2 hr naptime.

Interested to hear from other mums how you plan the day outings if you've got baby/naptimes to consider?

Thanks

OP posts:
2155User · 17/07/2020 17:35

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

A would say your assumption is for such a tiny amount and minority of people.

It certainly doesn't apply to people who simply go for the odd day out and sacrifice a child's nap

NotShiny · 17/07/2020 17:41

And I dont know where you get the idea from that if you take them on a day out, they will scream for hours and then sleep terribly for days. My mum always told me fresh air makes kids sleep better and it worked with mine. If anything if mine stayed in for the whole day they got like a fly in a box. They need exercise, exploring and seeing different things, and they dont get that stuck in a house. Each to their own though every family is different.

OverTheRainbow88 · 17/07/2020 17:44

Not sure where you get the idea that people who go home for a nap are stuck in all day. Today we were in a playground 8-11.30 came home they napped 12-2, then we’ve been at the zoo 2.30-5 now in Our garden on the trampoline!

ItsSpittingEverybodyIn · 17/07/2020 17:47

Hello op, I am your future self, I am here to tell you to chill the fuck out about the babys naps. Go out, have fun with your family, if the baby is tired they will sleep in the buggy. If they sleep late, and don't go to bed till later because of it, that will be fine, the world will not end. Enjoy the summer!

(I was you, and I look back and think what a wally I was)

WheresMyMilk · 17/07/2020 17:51

@NotShiny

:"39cuntryclub

My ds never napped in the pushchair and had to be at home. Dd only ever napped in the car or pushchair. Some people won’t get that there’s not much you can do about this unless they’ve experienced similar."

Are you the boss or are they? Of course there is something you can do. If they are tired they will sleep. Mine slept in buggies, cars, anywhere really. I would never not go out. Does that mean you basically stay in for a few years? How crazy is that. We went on days out literally all the time. If they were tired, they slept, or on the way home in the car. Dont let a baby rule your life.

Yes. Every family is different but you don’t seem to acknowledge it in your post I’ve quoted where you suggest “if they’re tired they will sleep”. Obviously that was true of your children and that’s great, you got lucky. Not every child is like that.
NotShiny · 17/07/2020 18:03

"Obviously that was true of your children and that’s great, you got lucky. Not every child is like that."
No, I dont think I got lucky, think it's really common to be honest. I had a brill childminder too, who's ethos was to get the kids out for days out, she looked after up to 6 kids, all ages, all the babies and toddlers slept when tired in buggy's, in the car, on a blanket in a play park. I would hate having to make sure I was home from 12 to 2. Also my siblings kids were exactly the same. Lots of people on here have said the same, so no, I dont think I got lucky. I think it's quite rare that parents stay at home all day or rush home so as a baby or toddler can have a sleep.

Bluepolkadots42 · 17/07/2020 18:08

@SandieCheeks

I just take a buggy for the little one. Better for them to be a bit flexible. I never stopped my older ones doing things because there was a baby.
Disagree. When people say 'better for them to be a bit flexible' they usually mean it's better for them/other people... On what level is it better for the child to not be able to sleep in a comfy bed, in a quiet space? I am not judging anyone who has to compromise one child's sleep to ensure wellbeing of all their DC because, well life happens, but I do object when people try and dress it up as 'it's better for them (the baby)' because it isn't.

OP- I think what other people have said about getting to attractions for bang on opening, then push the nap a little bit later than usual and get them to sleep in car is best compromise. That way you don't all have to have a miserable afternoon of tantrums and tears from an overtired LO.

Drivingdownthe101 · 17/07/2020 18:11

Toddler falling asleep in the car is my worst nightmare as he wakes up as soon as the engine stops! If we’re driving back from somewhere at nap time the older DC play with him and sing to him to keep him awake until we get home for his nap.

Di11y · 17/07/2020 18:17

We often only did days out til lunch or something in the morning and a drive and nap to the next place. When dd2 was a bit older she was ok to nap in the stroller with a snooze shade. She dropped naps by 2 so suddenly full days were on the cards.

We bought membership to the local farm so didn't feel guilty only going am/pm

hopefulhalf · 17/07/2020 18:25

As an alternative we did morning at home, early lunch then nap on the way to arrive at 1:30, when attractions are often nice and quiet, with fed and well rested children.

hopefulhalf · 17/07/2020 18:27

Particular good for places that have lots of school groups as they start to leave 2ish

SandieCheeks · 17/07/2020 18:47

@Bluepolkadots42 lots of posters have mentioned their children being overtired, red eyed and miserable because they can’t sleep anywhere but home. Much better for them to be able to sleep in a buggy or car Confused

EssentialHummus · 17/07/2020 19:00

I agree with ItsSpitting (obviously special needs etc aside). I had DC1 when a number of friends were having DC2/3. I'd time my entire day around my daughter's naps, I once paced Legoland with her screaming in her pram because I was convinced she had to nap... friends who'd clearly been through it all before got on with their days and the baby slept when it slept, or not. Whether a nap happened or not wouldn't make or break their day. And actually past six months or so one earlier/later/skipped nap really isn't a catastrophe.

Oliversmumsarmy · 17/07/2020 19:13

Are you seriously telling me you never had times when your baby got tired and cranky and literally cried/screamed for an hour in the car ALL the way home

I can honestly say mine never did that.
As soon as they were in the car they were out like a light and I would have a very quiet journey on the way back.

They would nod off in the car always or in the buggy when they got tired.

The one place they didn’t sleep well during the day was the cot.

Anycrispsleft · 17/07/2020 19:14

I had twins. One would sleep anywhere if tired and was OK if she missed a nap. The other would only sleep in her cot in a blacked out room, and would be in a terrible mood if she missed her nap. Both types exist, and I don't think there's much you can do to influence them.

Twillow · 17/07/2020 19:16

If he's that tired, he'll sleep in the pushchair. Babies are eminently portable and shouldn't be permitted to dictate your life.

Sailingblue · 17/07/2020 19:20

95% of the time we plan our days around nap time. Most of the time it really isn’t that restrictive (ie go out in the morning) either have lunch or lunch at home, baby naps and I can spend quality time with the older one then we can all get out again in the late afternoon. It’s a rhythm that’s always worked for us. If we do a longer day out then the baby will conk in the buggy but not for long. I’ve found if we miss a good nap, we pay for it for 2-3 days afterwards. For special occasions, I’m fine to suck it up but most of the time, I’m happy to organise things by naps. I did find it restrictive with both of mine when they were on 2 naps and weaning at about 7-8m but it is such a short period of time when it is a complete pain in the arse.

dreamboatquickfuck · 17/07/2020 19:21

I can not understand parents who are a martyr to their babies nap routine, it would drive me insane to to be spontaneous or go out for the day.

Sailingblue · 17/07/2020 19:25

dreamboatquickfuck I think there must be a correlation between lovers of routine in their day to day live and those who like a routine for the baby. I am quite routine led, I like to plan. It would be odd I guess if I didn’t do the same with the children. If someone is quite spontaneous naturally, they’d probably fine routines constricting rather than comfortable. It would be a good Myers Briggs test of the J versus P.

Wtfdidwedo · 17/07/2020 19:31

My youngest has just turned 2 and is a fucking terrible sleeper if she naps late. I need my evenings to myself or I go crazy, so I make sure we're out for the morning then let her sleep driving home for half an hour, or however long the drive home is. Yesterday we were at the beach for 9.30 and home by 1 for example.

User8008135 · 17/07/2020 19:32

Have you checked the farms? Ones here are morning or afternoon sessions only, not all day

cptartapp · 17/07/2020 19:39

We used a blanket as a nap cue for DS2 (DS1 never napped!) and gave it him in the pram at the right time if on a day ourt. He usually fell asleep on time and we could enjoy our day.

Mummysgonetobed · 17/07/2020 19:59

OP you’re not alone and I think some of the previous comments have been unfair.

My youngest is 18m and he’s a total nightmare without a morning nap, at home. He will not sleep in the car or a pushchair and can’t manage all day without a nap. So if we go anywhere and he hasn’t slept it’s just hell for all of us. He won’t walk, won’t go in the pushchair, won’t be carried, won’t accept any kind of food related bribes, he’s just horrible. Which then spoils the whole thing for my other DC. He spent 3 hours screaming at a national trust place yesterday and still wouldn’t sleep in the car.

I feel your pain. I just try and get us out early, or in the afternoons. My other DC get quality time with me when he sleeps as well.

It won’t last forever, hopefully!

Sewinginscotland · 17/07/2020 20:07

I am in the 'slave to the toddler's nap' camp. He always naps 12.30-2.30 and is a miserable cranky mess without it. I can't believe some people are so dismissive about what works for other people and their children. I wanted to do baby led, but not knowing when he would nap drove me crazy and didn't suit him either. Most of the people I know have set naptimes for their children and plan around them.

However, I only have one child. I would probably take him out in this scenario as you're on holiday and maybe put him in the carrier to sleep. He hasn't fallen asleep in the pram in over a year and would then only sleep for 30 minutes.

Oliversmumsarmy · 17/07/2020 20:22

I wonder if the children who can sleep anywhere were put in a routine from being a newborn they would still be able to sleep anywhere or would they only be able to have a proper nap in their cots and vice versa

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