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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I know I’m not being unfair, but should I tell her to piss off?

231 replies

Playmysong · 16/07/2020 06:42

I have a apple tree in my garden, which has a reasonable crop. Neighbour 1 asks for and does get apples (last year stripped it when I was on holiday). This year I have expressly told her not to come in my garden as we have been shielding. She has asked twice and I have given her apples, though not as many as she would have liked (she lives alone so wants them to make pies for other people). I have also given neighbour 2 apples as well this year, which I don’t think neighbour 1 was happy about.

Yesterday a friend of my daughter stopped to speak and I asked her if she wanted some apples for her mum. She said yes please, so I picked a bag for her to take. However, my son in law was standing outside my gate whilst this was happening, and afterwards told me that neighbour 1 had been standing at her door listening and wasn’t looking very happy!

Neighbour 1 and I have a ‘fragile’ relationship and there have been a number of issues between us, but on the whole it has been okay for last few years. I’m pretty sure she will say something to me about the apples. My dh thinks I should apologise to her to keep the peace, however I think that if she acts entitled I should just tell her to piss of! Who is right?

OP posts:
slinkysaluki · 16/07/2020 06:45

She should be grateful you are giving her any at all i think. Id tell her to mind her own business its your tree you can give the apples to who you like.

VettiyaIruken · 16/07/2020 06:46

You are right!
Is your husband daft?
Terribly sorry for giving some of my apples to anyone but you.
Hmm

She needs fewer apples not more until she loses her sense of entitlement to your fruit!

BillywilliamV · 16/07/2020 06:48

Smile sweetly, move on!
I doubt she'll have the brass neck to say anything directly to your face.

DrWAnker · 16/07/2020 06:48

Why should you apologise? How odd of your DH.
If she says anything I would remind her that the tree is actually yours and if she wants to bake she can buy apples from the shop.
And then not give her anymore. And hope she never spoke to me again Grin.
People are fucking weirdos.

verybritishproblems · 16/07/2020 07:01

Why does she think she’s entitled to your apples? Because she likes to bake apple pies for others? She can buy her own then! It’s a nice thing you’re going but you shouldn’t feel like you have to do it. I wouldn’t give her any from now on and tell her to not trespass into your garden!

LatteLover12 · 16/07/2020 07:04

Go to the garden centre, buy her a sapling and tell her to grow her own the cheeky cow!

Your DH needs to give his head a wobble, why the hell should you apologise?!

Your neighbour is a CF of the highest order.

Playmysong · 16/07/2020 07:05

@BillywilliamV

Smile sweetly, move on! I doubt she'll have the brass neck to say anything directly to your face.
Oh, I think she will. She is very entitled! Things have been pretty bad in the past. My car was damaged, by her now dead husband, though we couldn’t prove it. Solicitors have also been involved (which she had to pay for Grin).
OP posts:
Tinamou · 16/07/2020 07:07

Of course you shouldn't apologise! I wouldn't tell her to piss off either though. Maybe find a middle ground Grin

Hopefulhen · 16/07/2020 07:08

Given the history I wouldn’t give her a single apple!
If she was a pleasant neighbour I’d let her have whatever you didn’t want but she’s not.

Minnie888 · 16/07/2020 07:09

I find this thread odd. More so as I don't know a single apple tree that would be ready this early in the season.... any light on that OP?

DrManhattan · 16/07/2020 07:10

Just give her poison ones

Tlollj · 16/07/2020 07:10

People never cease to amaze me.
I wouldn’t give her any more apples.
If she wants to make pies for everyone she can buy some apples.

Fatted · 16/07/2020 07:11

I'd chop the tree down out of spite. Or start charging her for them.

Our neighbours at the back have a cherry tree hanging over into our garden. I haven't picked any because I know it's not mine to pick!!

ABingThing · 16/07/2020 07:12

YANBU and I cannot figure out why she feels entitled to your apples. Are you saying she came and picked them all when you were away last year? Is this in some way related to your fragile relationship?

Your DH sounds like a bit of a doormat though, apologise to her for not entertaining her sense of entitlement? Shock

Playmysong · 16/07/2020 07:13

@Tinamou

Of course you shouldn't apologise! I wouldn't tell her to piss off either though. Maybe find a middle ground Grin
You’re probably right. No sense in being aggressive, better to keep the moral high ground!
OP posts:
lyralalala · 16/07/2020 07:13

The first time a neighbour moaned about the number of apples they got from my apple tree would be the last time they got any apples from my tree.

If she says anything remind her that it's your tree and if she wants complete access to an apple tree she needs to buy and grow one

Playmysong · 16/07/2020 07:15

@Minnie888

I find this thread odd. More so as I don't know a single apple tree that would be ready this early in the season.... any light on that OP?
Just trying to change a few details, so as not to be outed. Think her dd is on here.
OP posts:
SpillTheTeaa · 16/07/2020 07:16

I'd tell her to piss off and grow her own Apple tree the horrible witch. The way you described her reminds me of the mouse one Peter Rabbit who is protective of the dandelions.

GnomeDePlume · 16/07/2020 07:18

Keep the apples for yourself (make cider with them).

Do you know what variety is it is please?

Heismyopendoor · 16/07/2020 07:19

Don’t give her any fruit. Simples. She doesn’t deserve it!

GnomeDePlume · 16/07/2020 07:19

Sorry, not apples (just seen your later post)

Hanab · 16/07/2020 07:20

Why would you apologise to her for giving YOUR apples away🤷🏻‍♀️ Minds baffled!
What is your DH thinking??

Iloveacurry · 16/07/2020 07:22

You’ve got nothing to apologise for! It’s your tree and you can give the apples to whoever you want.

Playmysong · 16/07/2020 07:23

@ABingThing

YANBU and I cannot figure out why she feels entitled to your apples. Are you saying she came and picked them all when you were away last year? Is this in some way related to your fragile relationship?

Your DH sounds like a bit of a doormat though, apologise to her for not entertaining her sense of entitlement? Shock

DH is a doormat. Anything for a quiet life!

Fragile relationship mainly due to neighbour encroaching about a metre into our garden when putting fence up!

I presume it was her who picked them all as there wasn’t any left when we came home and don’t know anyone else who would just do this!

OP posts:
Billben · 16/07/2020 07:25

Oh, I think she will. She is very entitled! Things have been pretty bad in the past. My car was damaged, by her now dead husband, though we couldn’t prove it. Solicitors have also been involved (which she had to pay for grin).

Yet you are still giving her apples??? And your DH wants you to apologise 😂🤣😂

Are you this much of a pushover with everything?

Even if those things in the past didn’t happen she would still not be having any of the crop because of her awfully selfish entitled behaviour. Pick the crop and give it away to others before she sneaks into your garden has it all.

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