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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I’m not being unfair, but should I tell her to piss off?

231 replies

Playmysong · 16/07/2020 06:42

I have a apple tree in my garden, which has a reasonable crop. Neighbour 1 asks for and does get apples (last year stripped it when I was on holiday). This year I have expressly told her not to come in my garden as we have been shielding. She has asked twice and I have given her apples, though not as many as she would have liked (she lives alone so wants them to make pies for other people). I have also given neighbour 2 apples as well this year, which I don’t think neighbour 1 was happy about.

Yesterday a friend of my daughter stopped to speak and I asked her if she wanted some apples for her mum. She said yes please, so I picked a bag for her to take. However, my son in law was standing outside my gate whilst this was happening, and afterwards told me that neighbour 1 had been standing at her door listening and wasn’t looking very happy!

Neighbour 1 and I have a ‘fragile’ relationship and there have been a number of issues between us, but on the whole it has been okay for last few years. I’m pretty sure she will say something to me about the apples. My dh thinks I should apologise to her to keep the peace, however I think that if she acts entitled I should just tell her to piss of! Who is right?

OP posts:
Dashel · 16/07/2020 10:48

I know people who exchange their surplus fruit and vegetables so you could politely tell her that you have decided to do so unless she is going to trade you for the apples there will be no more apples.

I can’t believe the cheek of your neighbour. I wouldn’t dream of taking a whole crop of fruit without some sort of repayment, the only time would be is if I were making jam for charity and the fruit giver was happy with this and didn’t want any jam. Unless she is secretly making apple pies for a good cause she is CF through and through.

CooperLooper · 16/07/2020 10:52

Give her the address to the nearest Aldi and tell her to buy some apples herself.

Original poster
Playmysong · 16/07/2020 10:53

@wineandroses1

Op, what happened about the 1 metre land grab? Please tell me you made your neighbour move the fence back to the boundary! People like that will always take a mile rather than an inch and must be challenged! Be brave and don’t let her take advantage of you (and your wet DH).
Yes we got it back. It was just after we moved in. There wasn’t a fence between the 2 houses and think her and her husband thought that we wouldn’t query it because of this. I asked them what did they think they were doing, when they were putting the fence up, and they insisted that this area belonged to them as they had been maintaining it (growing potatoes in my front garden!). That’s when solicitors were involved as I spoke to mine and he said that our deeds clearly showed it as ours. Ended up with a site meeting with our solicitor and theirs coming out. Their solicitor agreed within 2 minutes that the land was ours and they stormed off. The fence was moved a few days later and they still tried to keep about 30cm. I challenged them and said I would involve solicitors again and as they were being billed with both solicitors fees Grin they did move it with me being called a few expletives!
OP posts:
MaeDanvers · 16/07/2020 10:56

I'm a bit confused as to why you are dithering with being firm when the stuff with the solicitors clearly shows you can stand your ground when you want to!

OldEvilOwl · 16/07/2020 11:02

I don't understand why you are giving her any fruit after what happened with the fence!

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 16/07/2020 11:09

YANBU. She's not only a CF, she's a scrumper!

Original poster
Playmysong · 16/07/2020 11:10

@Saz12

That’s so crazy I wonder if she’s annoyed about something else- is she huffing because you said you were shielding but now have people round? Obviously none of her business AT ALL (not mine), and I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t be having people round, am guessing at less-wierd motivation for your neighbour!
We have stuck to the guidelines as not worth taking the risk. She on the other hand.....pretty much ignored them!

She has always resented us as, apart from trying to claim part of our front garden, we managed to get a small piece of land (houses were originally owned by LA, as was land around them) to the rear of our property to put a garage on. They had also tried this, but were refused. They couldn’t try again as I had gained a right of way, over this piece of land to get to my garage. 😇

OP posts:
NudgeUnit · 16/07/2020 11:12

I wouldn't tell her to piss off but only because I think you need to speak to her properly and explain once and for all that it's not her tree, she's not entitled to the fruit, and that who gets given some is a matter for you and you alone. The fence saga shows that she responds better to facts and the law than she does to appeals to common decency. Your DH is being really wet!

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 16/07/2020 11:17

Re this: could you buy her her own apple tree?

You're suggesting the OP rewards theft by buying the thief a duplicate of the item she's stolen? And that after trying to help herself liberally to a portion of the OP's garden? In my universe punitive measures are applicable to thieves, not a cosy little reward system.

This #BeKind mantra can just shove off back into whatever hole it came from. There's a difference between being kind (when called for) or making yourself into a complete mug. I'm all for taking on and accepting my own responsibilities but like hell would I take on other people's. Or ceding over my property to them when they decide they'd like a slice of it. They'll be deciding she had 'mental health issues' and therefore had a right to it next.

FO, NDN.

Pobblebonk · 16/07/2020 11:18

@MaeDanvers

I'm a bit confused as to why you are dithering with being firm when the stuff with the solicitors clearly shows you can stand your ground when you want to!
She isn't. Read all her posts, it's not difficult.
Atalune · 16/07/2020 11:20

I mean it’s horrible for you but she sounds batshit crazy and I LOVE it.

Sorry. Unhelpful.

Original poster
Playmysong · 16/07/2020 11:21

@Jocundest

could you buy her her own apple tree?

Seriously? I think in the OP's shoes I'd be putting the £60 price tag into my piggy bank for a cut price hitman. Grin

Great idea, do you know one I could put that £60 towards? Grin
OP posts:
verybritishproblems · 16/07/2020 11:21

Unless she is secretly making apple pies for a good cause she is CF through and through

Nooo! She’s still a CF! If I stole something from your house but gave it to Oxfsm Id still be a CF. Grin

verybritishproblems · 16/07/2020 11:22

Well I’d Smilebe a thief but you know what I mean

AlexDrake1981 · 16/07/2020 11:24

Bakes apple pies with the apples you're kind enough to give her, but doesn't offer you one of said pies.

Tries to police you about who else receives YOUR apples in place of her.

I would tell her to fuck off and plant her own apple tree, or buy some next time she goes shopping. I cannot stand the level of entitlement some people display these days.

GoodDogBellaBoo · 16/07/2020 11:25

I’d be more pissed off with your husband for thinking you should apologise.

GoodDogBellaBoo · 16/07/2020 11:28

The neighbour sounds crazy, just ignore her.

RuffleCrow · 16/07/2020 11:34

She sounds insane/ controlling.

They're your apples, you can do what you flipping well like with them.

Honeyroar · 16/07/2020 11:37

Your husband is a fool! If she much as said one grumbly word about the apples being given to other people I’d pull her right up. Tell her it’s your tree, your apples and you’ll give them to anyone that you like. Tell her she’s lucky to have been given any and if she can’t even be polite and grateful you won’t give her any at all next time.

Original poster
Playmysong · 16/07/2020 11:42

@MaeDanvers

I'm a bit confused as to why you are dithering with being firm when the stuff with the solicitors clearly shows you can stand your ground when you want to!
Husband and I are complete opposites. He’s all for a quiet life! He prefers not to complain about anything and doesn’t really support me in things like this, which has been a strain on our relationship. I, on the other hand, am quite strong minded and tend to see things in black and white. If I think I am in the right, I’m a bit like a bull in a china shop.

If I say to neighbour she’s not getting any fruit and she asked him the following day, I think he would find it difficult to say no as he is so much “nicer” than me.

OP posts:
Atadaddicted · 16/07/2020 11:46

* My car was damaged, by her now dead husband, though we couldn’t prove it. Solicitors have also been involved (which she had to pay for grin).*

Why did she pay when your car and you couldn’t prove it?

Atadaddicted · 16/07/2020 11:48

I, on the other hand, am quite strong minded and tend to see things in black and white. If I think I am in the right, I’m a bit like a bull in a china shop.

Not on the basis of this thread. Fact you’ve even started it suggests otherwise in fact.

DishingOutDone · 16/07/2020 11:55

I know there's a lot of lightheartedness in your posts OP but men like that just piss me off; esp if they make out they are doing this shit as they are "nice". Its a bit messed up to behave like that.

Original poster
Playmysong · 16/07/2020 11:57

@Atadaddicted

* My car was damaged, by her now dead husband, though we couldn’t prove it. Solicitors have also been involved (which she had to pay for grin).*

Why did she pay when your car and you couldn’t prove it?

Sorry maybe wasn’t too clear on this. I was describing 2 completely separate incidents, to give an idea of other things we have had problems with. Solicitors were involved in the dispute over land, which I mentioned above, not in the car incident.
OP posts:
Original poster
Playmysong · 16/07/2020 12:01

@DishingOutDone

I know there's a lot of lightheartedness in your posts OP but men like that just piss me off; esp if they make out they are doing this shit as they are "nice". Its a bit messed up to behave like that.
You’re right and it does hurt, knowing your husband hasn’t got your back!
OP posts: