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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I’m not being unfair, but should I tell her to piss off?

231 replies

Playmysong · 16/07/2020 06:42

I have a apple tree in my garden, which has a reasonable crop. Neighbour 1 asks for and does get apples (last year stripped it when I was on holiday). This year I have expressly told her not to come in my garden as we have been shielding. She has asked twice and I have given her apples, though not as many as she would have liked (she lives alone so wants them to make pies for other people). I have also given neighbour 2 apples as well this year, which I don’t think neighbour 1 was happy about.

Yesterday a friend of my daughter stopped to speak and I asked her if she wanted some apples for her mum. She said yes please, so I picked a bag for her to take. However, my son in law was standing outside my gate whilst this was happening, and afterwards told me that neighbour 1 had been standing at her door listening and wasn’t looking very happy!

Neighbour 1 and I have a ‘fragile’ relationship and there have been a number of issues between us, but on the whole it has been okay for last few years. I’m pretty sure she will say something to me about the apples. My dh thinks I should apologise to her to keep the peace, however I think that if she acts entitled I should just tell her to piss of! Who is right?

OP posts:
NotAQueef · 16/07/2020 08:32

As an aside: My apple tree is full of fruit, has not long done its June drop and the fruit will be ready to pick in a week or so, my other apple tree’s fruit aren’t ready usually til end August/beginning September.

Pinkyyy · 16/07/2020 08:35

She's bitten the hand that feeds her. No more apples (or any other fruit) for her now.

Itisbetter · 16/07/2020 08:35

It’s not an apple tree people. OP has already confirmed that. Other fruits are available ..... in early summer.

countrygirl99 · 16/07/2020 08:39

Surely the first apples to ripen in the UK are varieties like discovery in August

Al1Langdownthecleghole · 16/07/2020 08:39

Is anyone else desperate to know what the apples that aren’t apples are?

MummyGoingItAlone · 16/07/2020 08:40

@Al1Langdownthecleghole

Is anyone else desperate to know what the apples that aren’t apples are?
No
Longdistance · 16/07/2020 08:43

How dare she stand at her front door listening to your conversation. And as for your dh, silly man, apologise? What for?
I bet she did trespass last year and take the apples.
If she asks, tell her ‘I’m giving as many apples away to friends and family this year as last last year some ‘bastard’ stole them!’ Wink

Billben · 16/07/2020 08:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JammyHands · 16/07/2020 08:45

I wouldn't give her the time of day, let alone fruit from your garden. If she complains, then tell her she shouldn't have stripped the tree last year. Since you've padlocked the gate, she can't get in unless she climbs over. If things get worse, get CCTV. Your husband needs to toughen up.

Kaiserin · 16/07/2020 08:47

Your neighbour sounds slightly mad (as in, serious personal boundary issues!). The fact your husband is enabling her sounds puzzling and (if it were me) rather disappointing!

wineandroses1 · 16/07/2020 08:47

Op, what happened about the 1 metre land grab? Please tell me you made your neighbour move the fence back to the boundary! People like that will always take a mile rather than an inch and must be challenged! Be brave and don’t let her take advantage of you (and your wet DH).

Shizzlestix · 16/07/2020 08:48

I seriously wouldn’t give her any more. You’ve let her away with this demanding behaviour, now it’s time to stop. No way would I allow a neighbour to dictate who got my fruit! That’s so crazy. I’d be stripping whatever it is and freezing/giving away.

pinkyredrose · 16/07/2020 08:51

An Italian neighbour wanted to buy the rights to their apple tree

What's him being Italian got to do with it? Confused

labyrinthloafer · 16/07/2020 08:51

I shan't go on but just to add to the chorus that no way should you apologise and I would just be super smily and sickly sweet but absolutely not get drawn into an apple debate.

P.s. I would also like some apples

Monstamio · 16/07/2020 08:52

@Billben

Yes I realise that applies are not soft fruit. They are also not ripe in August! (Bangs head on wall). The op has confirmed that they are a different fruit and I was simply pointing out that if the fruit in question is actually something like blackcurrants then her neighbour might not be as guilty as she is being painted. If we're actually talking about rhubarb then it's a moot point.

Loveinatimeofcovid · 16/07/2020 08:53

@pinkyredrose maybe it’s a thing in Italy? I’ve never heard of something like that in English law (although there is the infamous apples overhanging the fence case).

Monstamio · 16/07/2020 08:53

July I meant, not August. Ours actually do start to ripen then!

JammyHands · 16/07/2020 09:01

@pinkyredrose In Italy, someone owns the right to the fruit from all fruit trees, even those growing on the street. It's an odd concept to us in the UK, but someone who's Italian might not realise that.

JeSuisPoulet · 16/07/2020 09:02

Maybe you could get her a tree of her own for birthday/Xmas? They only cost about £15 and will save you years of bother in future. I'm thinking long term solution as telling her to piss off isn't going to make anyone feel comfortable.

Pinkyyy · 16/07/2020 09:04

@Al1Langdownthecleghole

Is anyone else desperate to know what the apples that aren’t apples are?
I'm hoping they're blackberries.
notasportymum · 16/07/2020 09:11

the cheeky caaaaah!

she's using your fruit to make pies to give away to other people! and hasn't ever made you one as a thank you? and is cross when you give your fruit to others? mindboggling. gosh people can be utter twats.

and what is your DH even on about? my DH can be like that, you need to work on your 'can you hear yourself? have you lost your mind' face.

agree with a pp who said 'reset'. no more fruit from your garden, cut off her supply. If you have an overabundance share them with people you care about and it will always bring you joy. and get those baking/wafting smells across the fence.

Bemorechicken · 16/07/2020 09:12

Personally I wouldn't give her any more on POP. I just wouldn't. If you can pick them yourself and freeze, store or eat them.
Even post on a local FB offering a bag of apples to any NHS worker (or anyone of your choice -elderly etc).

If she queries it just say - you have already asked twice and I've given you some. I suggest you get your own tree or buy them.

This woman is not a friend and not actually being nice about it. I have a number of chickens and during lockdown -regularly handed out eggs to my neighbours -but not the one who yelled at me a while ago -nada.

Bemorechicken · 16/07/2020 09:14

@JeSuisPoulet

Maybe you could get her a tree of her own for birthday/Xmas? They only cost about £15 and will save you years of bother in future. I'm thinking long term solution as telling her to piss off isn't going to make anyone feel comfortable.
And the woman could buy her own with all the money she has saved by being given free fruit.

The woman needs to either accept and be grateful for anything she is given, get her own tree or go and buy them.

This woman / her husband damaged the OP's car etc -they were NOT friends and aren't going to be.

Bemorechicken · 16/07/2020 09:16

@Mummyof2girls5and10

How cheeky. Id be so angry. Install a camera pointing it at the apple tree even if its just a dummy
And this
pinkyredrose · 16/07/2020 09:16

In Italy, someone owns the right to the fruit from all fruit trees, even those growing on the street. It's an odd concept to us in the UK, but someone who's Italian might not realise that

Never heard of that. Is it the law or just custom?