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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I’m not being unfair, but should I tell her to piss off?

231 replies

Playmysong · 16/07/2020 06:42

I have a apple tree in my garden, which has a reasonable crop. Neighbour 1 asks for and does get apples (last year stripped it when I was on holiday). This year I have expressly told her not to come in my garden as we have been shielding. She has asked twice and I have given her apples, though not as many as she would have liked (she lives alone so wants them to make pies for other people). I have also given neighbour 2 apples as well this year, which I don’t think neighbour 1 was happy about.

Yesterday a friend of my daughter stopped to speak and I asked her if she wanted some apples for her mum. She said yes please, so I picked a bag for her to take. However, my son in law was standing outside my gate whilst this was happening, and afterwards told me that neighbour 1 had been standing at her door listening and wasn’t looking very happy!

Neighbour 1 and I have a ‘fragile’ relationship and there have been a number of issues between us, but on the whole it has been okay for last few years. I’m pretty sure she will say something to me about the apples. My dh thinks I should apologise to her to keep the peace, however I think that if she acts entitled I should just tell her to piss of! Who is right?

OP posts:
EthelMayFergus · 16/07/2020 07:27

Does she give you any of her home baked pies? As a thank you?

Lindsey90 · 16/07/2020 07:27

No you dont need to apologise. She has no right ti act like a fucking child! At least shes getting them for free. Your being kind and shes taking advantage! Tell her if she has a problem with you giving out YOUR OWN APPLES then she needs her head checked! Immature child!

AmandaHoldensLips · 16/07/2020 07:28

Is the apple tree in your front garden or back?

Billben · 16/07/2020 07:29

People like your neighbour get away with their behaviour because others let them (for a quiet life).
It’s not good for them to feel it’s ok to be like this and it’s not good for society either to have people like her.
Do your civic duty OP and sort her out 👍😀

Billben · 16/07/2020 07:32

And her making apple pies for others is just her own way of sucking up to people so they look past her awful entitled behaviour and let her have her on way.

verybritishproblems · 16/07/2020 07:34

Does she give you any of her home baked pies? As a thank you?

I bet I know what the answer is

Original poster
Playmysong · 16/07/2020 07:35

@Billben

Oh, I think she will. She is very entitled! Things have been pretty bad in the past. My car was damaged, by her now dead husband, though we couldn’t prove it. Solicitors have also been involved (which she had to pay for grin).

Yet you are still giving her apples??? And your DH wants you to apologise 😂🤣😂

Are you this much of a pushover with everything?

Even if those things in the past didn’t happen she would still not be having any of the crop because of her awfully selfish entitled behaviour. Pick the crop and give it away to others before she sneaks into your garden has it all.

Husband was main instigator of problems, but he died nearly 5 years ago and things have improved significantly since then.

She won’t come in garden, as we are always at home, because of shielding, plus I have new padlock on back garden gate which is mainly kept locked.

OP posts:
verybritishproblems · 16/07/2020 07:36

I presume it was her who picked them all as there wasn’t any left when we came home and don’t know anyone else who would just do this!

That’s theft and you could get the police involved. You should at least tell her that. She’s a horrid woman and using your pleasant nature against you. Stand up OP, pick those apples and give them to someone else... or open your window and bake an apple tart and let the smells waft over to her Grin

Original poster
Playmysong · 16/07/2020 07:37

@EthelMayFergus

Does she give you any of her home baked pies? As a thank you?
No, but I wouldn’t eat it if she did!
OP posts:
Tappering · 16/07/2020 07:37

If she says anything then point out that the apple tree is yours, and therefore it's entirely up to you to decide who receives the fruit and how much. I'd finish by smiling sweetly and saying that if she's unhappy with it then you will stop giving her fruit entirely and she can go and buy her own.

Then tell your DH to find a spine - apologise to her for giving someone your fruit?! How bloody wet.

Molly500 · 16/07/2020 07:38

I wouldn't have given her apples in the first place , and I especially wouldn't now.

pinkyredrose · 16/07/2020 07:40

Apologise for what exactly?! Confused

Wither · 16/07/2020 07:41

Remind her that she can get apples elsewhere. Shops, for example.

Original poster
Playmysong · 16/07/2020 07:44

@verybritishproblems

I presume it was her who picked them all as there wasn’t any left when we came home and don’t know anyone else who would just do this!

That’s theft and you could get the police involved. You should at least tell her that. She’s a horrid woman and using your pleasant nature against you. Stand up OP, pick those apples and give them to someone else... or open your window and bake an apple tart and let the smells waft over to her Grin

I know it is but I can’t prove it! Even if I could, the police have enough to do, without being called out to deal with petty issues like this.

Think I might bake later today. Grin

OP posts:
Therebythedoor · 16/07/2020 07:45

@EthelMayFergus

That's a really good question. If she doesn't send any of the baked goods the OP's way that speaks volumes as to the neighbour's mindset.

Although, based on the backstory given, I would decline to give her the time of day.

RaisinGhost · 16/07/2020 07:45

This is very weird. She can just buy some. Apples are about the cheapest fruit you can buy.

verybritishproblems · 16/07/2020 07:46

True OP but she doesn’t know that. Yes bake away I can picture her face as she gets a waft Grin

Notredamn · 16/07/2020 07:46

I'm sorry...what?!
Why don't you knock on her door and ask her to step aside as you'd like to inspect her fridge and help yourself to whatever you fancy.
See how she likes them apples!

Wither · 16/07/2020 07:48

WTAF have you got to apologise for? They’re your apples, you can give them to whoever the fuck you like! You don’t owe her fruit FFS.

Bake a pie then sit in your garden eating and loudly commenting on how absolutely delicious it is. Wink

KeepingPlain · 16/07/2020 07:49

Wow your husband is a right pushover. No more apples for neighbour unless SHE apologises.

summerfish · 16/07/2020 07:56

My parents had this, though not as extreme.

An Italian neighbour wanted to buy the rights to their apple tree (in their garden)! They laughed him off but told him he was welcome to come and pick some apples. He turned up with a stepladder and three friends and stripped the tree.

People are weird.

LunaNorth · 16/07/2020 08:01

I’m upset now. I liked the thread about apples, and now I don’t know what fruit we’re talking about.

It’s very confusing Sad

SoosanCarter · 16/07/2020 08:03

Figs? Strawberries?

Mascotte · 16/07/2020 08:03

Yes, me too, thought it was early but thought maybe those apples came earlier in England 😃

PersonaNonGarter · 16/07/2020 08:06

You need to reset this relationship.

Be polite but firm. There will be fewer apples this year as we have had so many requests and so will be sharing them with our friends. But I will bring a bag over.

If she is rude, suggest she rethinks where she gets her apples in future. Be assertive but not rude.

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