I know I’m not being unfair, but should I tell her to piss off?

[Playmysong]

I have a apple tree in my garden, which has a reasonable crop. Neighbour 1 asks for and does get apples (last year stripped it when I was on holiday). This year I have expressly told her not to come in my garden as we have been shielding. She has asked twice and I have given her apples, though not as many as she would have liked (she lives alone so wants them to make pies for other people). I have also given neighbour 2 apples as well this year, which I don’t think neighbour 1 was happy about.

Yesterday a friend of my daughter stopped to speak and I asked her if she wanted some apples for her mum. She said yes please, so I picked a bag for her to take. However, my son in law was standing outside my gate whilst this was happening, and afterwards told me that neighbour 1 had been standing at her door listening and wasn’t looking very happy!

Neighbour 1 and I have a ‘fragile’ relationship and there have been a number of issues between us, but on the whole it has been okay for last few years. I’m pretty sure she will say something to me about the apples. My dh thinks I should apologise to her to keep the peace, however I think that if she acts entitled I should just tell her to piss of! Who is right?

Laughter, when she complains. Sweet tinkly laughter as you turn on your heel and walk away. "Oh neighbour, you really are funny! You take care, now!"

Don’t you dare apologise! If she’s got the balls to come and say something to you you need to tell her that in no uncertain terms the tree is yours, the fruit is yours and you’ll give it to whoever the fuck you want and if she carries on trying to dictate that who will not be her.

Such a cheek.
I'd not give her any more. She's had two lots already.
In fact I'd never have given her any this year at all because she stripped the tree last year.
What's with all these entitled people?

That’s so crazy I wonder if she’s annoyed about something else- is she huffing because you said you were shielding but now have people round? Obviously none of her business AT ALL (not mine), and I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t be having people round, am guessing at less-wierd motivation for your neighbour!

Just trying to change a few details, so as not to be outed

So, there isn’t an apple tree?

But she hasn't complained, she was just looking cross while standing at her door - perhaps looking for the postman because he was late or something! I'd carry on, some for her, some for others too (most for yourself!). Not at least offering you a pie made from your own fruit is pretty mean spirited of her though.

The word "apple" looks weird now.

I’m now pondering if not apples, what?

Growing up, we had a large damson tree in our back garden that would go absolutely bonkers with fruit every other year.
The lady that backed onto our house happened to be a teacher at my secondary school. She pulled me aside a number of times to ask if she could have a bag of damsons?
My mum gave a bag over the fence a couple of times but then said "please stop pulling my daughter aside to ask for fruit, it's not appropriate". Well, within about 3 days, she'd grabbed me in the corridor and asked if I could SNEAK her a bag without mum knowing! Obviously, I told mum, and she never gave as much as a single damson to the neighbour ever again.

[quote Monstamio]@Billben

Yes I realise that applies are not soft fruit. They are also not ripe in August! (Bangs head on wall). The op has confirmed that they are a different fruit and I was simply pointing out that if the fruit in question is actually something like blackcurrants then her neighbour might not be as guilty as she is being painted. If we're actually talking about rhubarb then it's a moot point.[/quote]
@Monstamio

I sincerely apologise 🙏 I was wound up about the post so when I came back from school drop off I didn’t read all the updates before commenting. When I realised I’ve asked MN to delete my post straight away.

Unless you're throwing them at her, don't give her any more of your apples!

Your husband is a lunatic. How on earth does he think that apologising for exercising your right to give away your own produce to whoever you like is going to mollify a neighbour who's behaved badly enough towards you to warrant legal intervention???

Though I think I'm more baffled that you ever give any apples to someone whose spouse damaged your car!

Bake an apple pie, or better still, buy one from the best bakery in the county and take it around to her. Tell her you’ve decided to start baking, and you’re obsessed with it, so you’re delighted to have your own apple tree.

Or instead of telling her to piss off, you could compromise and piss on a bag of apples and hand them to her. 😁

Your relationship is that strained that you wouldn't eat a pie from her if offered? Don't give her anymore fruit the cheeky cow.

@Monstamio

Just playing devil's advocate here, but if we're actually talking about soft fruit then are you sure the birds didn't strip the bushes when you were away last year? If I don't pick my gooseberries and blackcurrants as soon as they are ready then it's all out war with the blackbirds. I don't have them covered in nets though.

Either way, she has zero claim to your fruit and her sense of entitlement is breathtaking. No need to tell her to piss off, but I wouldn't offer her any more this year unless you have a surplus and if she asks just say you've had more time for baking this year so you don't have any spare.

Definitely not birds, it’s not a soft fruit. I won’t tell her to piss off, as on second thoughts no need to sink to that level, however hell will freeze over before I apologise.

She won’t be getting any more fruit as I am going to freeze it.

Ugh, I hate this sort of entitlement. And your husband’s reaction! I’d not give her apples again. How cheeky to strip your tree of them!

Glad to hear it op!

@Billben Don't worry and I'm sorry for being snippy - nearly 9 months pregnant, tired and grumpy!

I would be passive aggressive and tell her oh my goodness The strangest thing has happened. somebody has broken into our garden and stolen loads of apples from our tree! How rude! I know it’s not you as you only take the apples we give you, you would never break the law and come into our garden, especially as we’ve explicitly asked you not to

She does NOT deserve it but could you buy her her own apple tree? You can get a dwarf tree for about £30 and a big pot for £30. Then you can say ‘but you have your own apples now!’ and maybe ask her for some to wind her up.

I think it’s worth the investment!

Get a cctv camera for the apple tree

could you buy her her own apple tree?

Seriously? I think in the OP's shoes I'd be putting the £60 price tag into my piggy bank for a cut price hitman.

Busy I'm with you. It's a nice gesture, the world needs more trees and it gets her off your back but has a slight tinge of passive aggressive too. Makes it clear you will no longer be her supplier at least!

And you can get many fruit trees in Aldi for far less than £60
Plus it is cheaper than CCTV "for the tree"

All joking aside, I really wish I had an apple tree. Just imagine how many different apple recipes you could use. Apple pie, crumble, sauce, apple scones. There’s likely to be a recession, plus brexit is only five pay days away, so you might as well stock the freezer up of sweet treats.

*with sweet treats