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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I’m not being unfair, but should I tell her to piss off?

231 replies

Playmysong · 16/07/2020 06:42

I have a apple tree in my garden, which has a reasonable crop. Neighbour 1 asks for and does get apples (last year stripped it when I was on holiday). This year I have expressly told her not to come in my garden as we have been shielding. She has asked twice and I have given her apples, though not as many as she would have liked (she lives alone so wants them to make pies for other people). I have also given neighbour 2 apples as well this year, which I don’t think neighbour 1 was happy about.

Yesterday a friend of my daughter stopped to speak and I asked her if she wanted some apples for her mum. She said yes please, so I picked a bag for her to take. However, my son in law was standing outside my gate whilst this was happening, and afterwards told me that neighbour 1 had been standing at her door listening and wasn’t looking very happy!

Neighbour 1 and I have a ‘fragile’ relationship and there have been a number of issues between us, but on the whole it has been okay for last few years. I’m pretty sure she will say something to me about the apples. My dh thinks I should apologise to her to keep the peace, however I think that if she acts entitled I should just tell her to piss of! Who is right?

OP posts:
Hopefulhen · 16/07/2020 08:06

@LunaNorth - a quick google search will give you some idea of what is ready at this time of year if you’re really nosy! There are some lovely fruits that are more expensive to buy and make lovely pies.

InThisMultiverse · 16/07/2020 08:06

🍒

LunaNorth · 16/07/2020 08:07

My apples, plums and raspberries aren’t ready yet...gooseberries?

GreyishDays · 16/07/2020 08:09

I reckon it’s rhubarb.

rc22 · 16/07/2020 08:10

I would say she is entitled to pick from any branches that overhang her property but anything else is generous on your part and as for stripping the tree while you are on your holidays that's just plain cheeky. Tell her that you don't want her on your property. You're quite within your rights to do so.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 16/07/2020 08:11

I'd throw apples at her everytime she goes into her garden !!!

Mummyof2girls5and10 · 16/07/2020 08:12

How cheeky. Id be so angry. Install a camera pointing it at the apple tree even if its just a dummy

rc22 · 16/07/2020 08:12

There are apples on the tree in our next door neighbour's garden now. Always are at this time of year.

Happynow001 · 16/07/2020 08:14

My dh thinks I should apologise to her to keep the peace, however I think that if she acts entitled I should just tell her to piss of! Who is right?
What on Earth would you be apologising for? Trespassing on your property last year? Giving your property to people you want to?

justilou1 · 16/07/2020 08:16

I don’t one apple would kill her...
😈😈😈

Yeahnahmum · 16/07/2020 08:17

Did your dh stand underneath the tree and got concussed by a falling apple??? Of course you shouldn't apologise. It is your damn tree. In your garden.

She should count herself lucky that you have her apples in the past as this wasn't a right this was a privilege for her.

Plus she put her fence 1m in,towards your house. She deserves nothing.

Don't call your dh a doormat. He likes to keep the peace which is actually a nice quality. But do make sure he is on your side. X

Givingup123456 · 16/07/2020 08:18

Op changed details for a reason. why do people need to guess what it is...? We are advised to change details if you are worried about people you know seeing it. No need to call someone out

KeepingPlain · 16/07/2020 08:19

How is this thread actually confusing people? Confused It's simple, neighbour believes all fruit in ops garden is hers and doesn't like it when op shares fruit with others.

That's kind of worrying if that's confusing. It doesn't matter what the fruit is. It's entitlement to something that isn't the neighbours.

UncleShady · 16/07/2020 08:21

If the 'apples' are ready, pick them all, cut them up and freeze in pie-portion size bags. Temptation removed. see how she likes them apples

Pesimistic · 16/07/2020 08:22

She doesnt have the rights over your apples. She can be as grumpy as she likes they are your apples to do with what you wish.

Mascotte · 16/07/2020 08:22

You should give her one apple.. with a green side and a rosy red side.

Piffle11 · 16/07/2020 08:23

Is your DH always such a doormat? By apologising, you are saying that you are in the wrong. This will reaffirm in her head that she is entitled to ALL your fruit.

Itisbetter · 16/07/2020 08:24

You are allowed to NOT give your things to people OP.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 16/07/2020 08:25

I would wait til she says something and affect complete boredom....oh... Yeah..... The angrier she gets, get quieter and quieter... It infuriates the entitled demanders.... Even more so if you walk off mid (their) rant... Grin

Jeremyironsnothing · 16/07/2020 08:26

Give her a few but go out of your way to offer the rest to as many people as possible.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 16/07/2020 08:26

My apple tree has loads of apples on it, some are big enough to pick. Its a russet

Shoxfordian · 16/07/2020 08:27

What exactly would you apologise for? It's nice of you to give her any of the unidentifiable fruit in the first place

Itisbetter · 16/07/2020 08:29

Apples don’t just have to be “big enough” they have to be ripe, most do that in the autumn. There are other fruit trees that produce copious amounts of fruit this time of year.

8misskitty8 · 16/07/2020 08:29

@Minnie888

I find this thread odd. More so as I don't know a single apple tree that would be ready this early in the season.... any light on that OP?
How is it odd ? Some Apple trees are ready just now. Looking out my window and I can see my neighbours apple trees have lovely red apples on them just now.

OP I recall a post last year about a neighbour stripping an apple tree. Was that you ?
I wouldn’t have given her any apples this year and if she asks why I would tell her because she stole them last year. I certainly Wouldn’t apologise to her like your Dh has suggested.

Monstamio · 16/07/2020 08:31

Just playing devil's advocate here, but if we're actually talking about soft fruit then are you sure the birds didn't strip the bushes when you were away last year? If I don't pick my gooseberries and blackcurrants as soon as they are ready then it's all out war with the blackbirds. I don't have them covered in nets though.

Either way, she has zero claim to your fruit and her sense of entitlement is breathtaking. No need to tell her to piss off, but I wouldn't offer her any more this year unless you have a surplus and if she asks just say you've had more time for baking this year so you don't have any spare.