Do you know the contents of your parents’ wills?

[Fernandini056]

Is this a normal thing for families to discuss? Or do most people find out who’s been left what after the person has died?

Asking because my PIL want to discuss this with me and DH next week but I never experienced this with my own parents before they died. Just wondering if this is normal?

Wouldn’t be surprised if my MIL’s Will leaves everything to my DH’s older sister as she massively favours her (even though she treats her like shit, never does anything to help her and it’s always my DH who helps with stuff).

Nope.

Yes, we knew what was in our Mum's will - or so we thought! But when we went to see the solicitor, we found she'd updated her will and the copy we had was invalid.

Why isn't there a 'national register' type thing of wills - so everyone can be 100% sure they are using the " last will and testament" ? and that Great Aunty Mary didn't write another one since the one you found, or the one that was where you were told it would be found ?

Yes. They have also arranged lasting power of attorney.

Yes. I have copies of them (only digital photos rather than official ones).

Yes. Parents had no will DM died of Covid she always said it would be split fairly by 4 but never got around to it.
DF has an appointment this week to have it drawn up monetary is split evenly in 4.
Personal items are marked out.

Mums mentioned before that a specific item is to go to someone specific, but I assume the rest will be all split between me and my brother. Neither mum or dad have siblings, so I’d imagine everything will be me and dbro’s. I don’t know the specifics, I’m also not 100% they even have one.

Mil I doubt has one, but she also doesn’t have much in the way of assets (dp is her only living child), she doesn’t own a property. The only things she has is potted plants and her dog. And I’m not taking that manky little shit.

My parents were always open about it. My mother died a few years ago and my Dad is 90. As an ex civil servant he is meticulously organised and has written instructions for after his death which cover all his affairs - listing all his bank accounts, house deeds, shares owned, pension details etc and everyone to be notified.

Scrupulously fair, its not complicated - everything split equally between the children. Small monetary gifts for the grandchildren. Families can easily fall out over inheritance and mine is not immune so I think its terribly wise to be clear and organised. (I have not, however, been organised myself.... no will).

Nope, I don't care to. It might be because I'm not a native brit and so never understood this inheritance craze, but I sincerely hope my parents die without a single penny to their name after living a good, long life. I'm perfectly capable of providing for myself.

@lukasiak my dm isn't a 'native brit' either, but she worked so very hard to gain what little assets she has, purely so she could leave something to her children. I couldn't care less what she leaves me (infact I've often told her to sell her house, spend the money on awesome world trips and then come and live with me when she's done), but she does and told me, so thats why I, and I suspect many posters on this thread, know what's in their parent's will. I too hope my parents live a long and good life. The fact they wanted to have something to leave to us doesn't mean that I'm not capable of providing for myself.

@lukasiak - my mum had no property and little money when she died, but there is a lot of sorting to do when someone dies. When it is just you sorting it out (sibling lives abroad) and you are in shock and grieving (and things are complicated by coronavirus)....it just makes life a little bit easier if simple things like, knowing you are the executor of any will, what burial/cremation wishes are and also where important papers are. It also helps to have talked about things like what if's, if end of life decisions need to be made.

It can be a huge responsibility to shoulder alone, when you want to get it right and honour and do the best for the person you love.

Roughly. Half to kids half to charity. Although the logistics if (as is likely) my dad died and it passes to my stepmum I don't know. Might not get anything so I'm not expecting anything.

Roughly. Half to kids half to charity.

I really hope the charity bequest is specified as a set sum rather than a percentage of the value of the house/non-liquid assets etc. If it's stated that 'half of the proceeds' are to go to the charity, they will take over and want to be pro-active in how when it is sold and for how much. They might demand that it stay on the market for ages, insisting on an unrealistically high price that nobody will ever offer or it could even go the other way and they might put pressure on for a quick sale at a low price to release their share ASAP.

@Bupkis is entirely right. I’m sorting out my mum’s affairs after her recent death and it’s a bloody nightmare. She just about got her will done before she died, thank God, but didn’t tell us where any other paperwork was, nor her wishes for funeral, burial etc. People need to be having these conversations.

Yes only my dad still alive . Everything goes to my step mum. Then she in turn is supposed to leave everything to me and my DB. In reality who knows what she will do if my dad dies first.

What Bupkis said. Me and my three siblings already know what is to happen to their part of the house (no longer theirs as youngest brother has been paying the mortgage so he gets it) and to another property they own (to be split between the 4 of us) and where they would like different items to go. It will mean less of a mental load when the day comes and we are all making a brief visit from our various homes to get things sorted without wanting to upset anyone or fail to honour our parents' wishes.

My parents have said everything will be split equally between me and my siblings but I'm not sure that's true as they favour some more than others. I think my two older siblings are executors and I'm not. No idea if that matters, not sure what an executor does exactly?
Should probably update my own will as mine is 10 years old and things have changed a bit including who we'd want to look after the kids if anything happened to us.
I often tell my DH where I want my ashes scattered though (macabre).

Yes, we’ve discussed it. I’m an only child so it’s all left to me

Yes. Split equally between my sister and I. I remember going with them to the solicitors to make it. And being horrified that our (then scary) Aunty was our nominated guardian.

I know what's in my father-in-law's, as he changes it at least every year, and insists on holding multiple family summits every time. He has massive control issues around money, and wants to somehow retain that control from beyond the grave, down through multiple generations. This is an entirely normal 'estate' with an ordinary family home and a couple of modest investments, so highly unlikely to generate much, if any, inheritance for anyone, and certainly won't result in some sort of multi-generational family trust! His obsession with it has caused multiple rows, as he has a hierarchy of who he thinks is most sensible and responsible, and the various iterations of the will always reflect this, ie some family members are just about trusted to manage their own affairs, while others are deemed unfit to manage without the input of the more sensible ones. All of us who are considered trustworthy have now refused to accept trustee or executor roles, so no doubt we'll soon be heading into yet another blow-up about it.

I think whether it's normal depends on a lot of things, and some are open than others. I knew the basics of my maternal grandparents and in-laws wills as they were discussed regularly. My in-laws and one pair of grandparent in-laws quite enjoyed discussing what who was going to who when they died.

Literally the first time I met my spouse's grandparents, I complimented a textile artwork they had and got told who that one was going to, but there was a similar one upstairs I could have when they died (and it's now hanging in the hall).

I know what my mother had in her will when I was 16 or so, she went on a bit about how she'd taken my brother out of it, so I assume I've been long out of it too.

I discuss my will and funeral wishes with my kids.

Yep. Split equally between my 2 brothers and me (if there's owt left assuming they'll need care etc)

I'm executor as my elder brother threw a strop and went non contact for a couple of years.

He'll be livid when he finds out.

@bluechairs

No.

I think me and sis will get half each of my mums stuff, but she's getting married next year so who knows.

Dad remarried 10 years ago so think it'll be split between five kids (3 step) and wife but sister thinks we'll get it all.

So no. No idea. I know my boyfriends aunts though as she's decided we're rich enough so she's giving it to charity 😂 Her choice ofc, good on her

If your DM remarries then any existing will is automatically revoked and becomes no longer valid. If your DM does not make a new one, then when she dies the law of intestacy decides how her assets are divided, so a good sum would pass to her new husband.

Yes -even split.