Do you know the contents of your parents’ wills?

[Fernandini056]

Is this a normal thing for families to discuss? Or do most people find out who’s been left what after the person has died?

Asking because my PIL want to discuss this with me and DH next week but I never experienced this with my own parents before they died. Just wondering if this is normal?

No but I’m the least favourite so I imagine everything is going to my sisters. 😆

One parent has told me but not the other. They have separate wills.

The problem with that, though, is that everything you currently know could change depending on which of them dies first and what they've put in their individual wills.

Unless it's a basic mirror will that remains unchanged after the first of them dies, anything could happen.

I don't remember if my DPs ever actually talked about their wills, but everything that my DSis and I (their only DC) had assumed was exactly what happened - the first to die left everything to the second and then we received half each of what the second subsequently left.

I think it's good to talk about wills occasionally, to avoid any unpleasant surprises, but I think that some people talk too much about them, to the point where it gets uncomfortable. Some people just use it as another tool to control and manipulate their family, endlessly 'teasing' about what they will or won't put in their will and 'well, if that's how you feel, maybe I should think about changing my will' etc.

Maybe our DPs should have mentioned it clearly to us, but I can see why they wouldn't have felt the need to do so when it was absolutely 'textbook'. Not the same thing, I know, but maybe a similar principle to never feeling the need to sit your biological children down and tell them that they weren't adopted.

Yes. Parents made mirror wills and I executed dad's will and will do the same if there's anything left by the time mum goes.
After a fair amount of fucking about by my grandmother, me and siblings havr agreed that whatever it says it will be divided 3 days between us. (She did actually do hers equally between mum and her siblings but she constantly went on about changing it in her later years).

Not in detail, but yes. Sometimes I wish I didn't though. My parents is an even split, although I know my DB will be getting a family heirloom I've never even been told about simply because he's a man.

MIL updates us on any changes. Like how she's managed to control her money from beyond the grave & she's leaving all her personal, sentimental rubbish to DH because SIL 'doesn't like stuff'. Neither do I!! There's sh*t heaps of it & I don't want it!

I know what's in my mum's, she wanted to discuss how we would prefer she handle leaving money to her grandchildren. Before there were grandchildren it was 50/50 between my brother and me and I knew that, but can't remember how she told me, probably just an aside at some point.

Yes mine send us copies when they update it.

I thought it was what you were meant to do when someone is mentioned in the will or is the executor.

Yes I do. It's fairly simple. Me and DB get a third each and the remaining third to be spilt evenly between all grandchildren.

Yes, of course. They discussed it with us (me and 2 siblings) when they first made them. Very simple, everything to surviving spouse, then split between the 3 of us on last death.
Worked well and was easy to execute when last surviving parent died last year.

Years ago wills were not talked about. You only found out what was in them after someone had died.

My grandmother made two wills out. One was to share everything out between her children equally and the other made later said my uncle was not to be able to get his hands on any of her money which was really nasty so they ( her children agreed to tear it up and use the other one.

My dad died owing money but still left a will.

My mother cut my sister out of her will and cleverly left her a pecuniary legacy of a really small amount of money. The rest to be shared out between her other children. We decided it was a bloody mean thing to do and split the money equally.

I have made a will and my children have all read it. It's fair. It also takes decisions away from children they should not have to make such as how I am disposed of.

Yes, i was given a copy to read when I was 18 or so. My brother and I inherit everything equally. He did make me promiss verbally to give his GF a certain object.

Both of my parents talked with me and my brother about wills and so I have an idea what I will inherit. Interesting fact is that my dad has a very valuable piece of land and when his neighbours found out that he plans ti split it equally between me and my brother (my dad likes to talk) they couldn't believe it and kept saying how poor my brother was and what a bitch I am.

We updated ours early in the Covid panic, partly because of a new grandchild, and partly in case we both succumbed to the virus. Dds know it’s roughly an equal split, though there are bequests to Gdcs and sundry charities.

Well before she developed dementia my mother told us that her will and all necessary paperwork with bank etc. details, was in a particular briefcase in her spare room.

So by the time she did develop dementia past the early stages, siblings with power of attorney could take it for safe keeping, in case she decided to throw everything out (hardly unknown with dementia.).
We have now told dds where to find such things, and have left a sheet with necessary info.

One thing my DM included was a letter to all of us, to be opened once she was gone. By the time she died she’d had advanced dementia for ages and not even known any of us for a few years, so it was lovely to have that letter - it was like having our old mother back again.

I’m planning to do the same - God forbid I ever get the dreaded D - in case, and it’d be nice anyway.

It's not unusual for parents to discuss wills with their children if there are particular things they want done. You'd find out anyway when they die but it makes things clearer if you know in advance that mum wants £2k left to the Dogs Trust or an amount set aside for grandchildren, etc. Then you know what to expect. It's nothing to worry about, just wait and see what they say.

I saw my mum's will (I actually wrote it for her), and we saw my mother in law's. My husband died and I had seen his will beforehand, he had discussed it with me; a few bits being left to our son, the rest to me. We had wills done at the same time, mine is more straightforward at the moment and I'd be happy for my son to see it but he hasn't asked.

That's one advantage of the French law on this - my parents don't have a choice but to give 75percent roughly of what they own to my brother and I equally. They can do what they want with the rest. Not sure if they have made plans to give away anything, we haven't discussed it. Their properties are already in my and my brother's name to avoid inheritance tax.

Not in detail but there’s nothing to be gained, that I do know.

Yes. They're divorced. DF updated his this year and told us. I just hope he went to a solicitor this time rather than writing it himself.

I know that my parents are putting some money in trust for their grandchildren (my DC and my brother's DC) for things like uni fees and house deposits. Then the remainder split evenly between my and my brother. I don't know amounts though.

I don't know about my PILs. I imagine it's split evenly between DH and his brother but that could be wrong.

Yes I know, mainly because I'm specifically named as excluded in it, pil's will is 40 yrs old but it's 50/50 if they ever update it they may leave a bit to the dc we and sil both have 2

Yes I do. My mum is splitting her estate between me and my dad. My dad has 3 sons from a previous marriage and my mum wants to be sure all her money goes to her family.

My mother is considering leaving money to my cousin, whom she describes as “the daughter she never had.” I would mind less if said cousin hadn’t inherited around £1 million from her parents a few years ago.

My mum made sure my siblings and I knew exactly what was in her will before she died. She also left a detailed document about what she wanted for her funeral.

My siblings have copies of my will as do the executors. It's not a pleasant thing to deal with but it's a million times less stressful to have planned in advance rather than sort things out at the time of someone's death, and dying intestate can be terribly messy.

My parents are already dead.
I know PIL have sorted trusts with money for the GC 'education'. They're all now almost school leaving age so if they don't go to uni I don't know what happens with that.
There was talk of them leaving more for the GC with the stipulation 'it couldn't be spent on tattoos, motorbikes or travel!" We told them that was bonkers so don't know what happened there either.
SIL got £10k for a house deposit many years ago and DH got nothing, but FIL said he could have the first £10k out their estate on their death. Can guarantee that was just said to placate him and there's absolutely nothing in the will about it.

Yes - my parents have a specific bequest to my cousin who was adopted outside of the family and our family set up is a tad complicated so they wanted to be sure I understood the will so I have seen it. I agreed to uphold it but I reckon after care costs they'll be nothing left anyway. Gave them peace of mind

If you're able to have the discussion with DPs about this then ask them to let you know where they have filed or hidden their wills so that you're not searching for them after they die. Also, and especially if they've made you an executor, it's a very good idea for them to make a list of bank accounts, savings accounts, pension accounts etc etc, because when you start the probate process you need to know all their assets. I was executor for my dad and a couple of years later my mum received a letter out of the blue about some shares that she'd known nothing about.

Yes. My Mum discusses her will with me and my sister at the time she and my stepfather has them drawn up.

Stepfather was also open with his kids that they weren't going to inherit anything and they were able to take any heirlooms they wanted at that time.

My husband is an executor for MIL. She has refused to discuss her will with anyone and is likely to be full of nasty surprises as she is vindictive.