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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do you know the contents of your parents’ wills?

225 replies

Fernandini056 · 13/07/2020 22:11

Is this a normal thing for families to discuss? Or do most people find out who’s been left what after the person has died?

Asking because my PIL want to discuss this with me and DH next week but I never experienced this with my own parents before they died. Just wondering if this is normal?

OP posts:
Dinosauratemydaffodils · 13/07/2020 22:33

Yep. I'm the sole beneficiary of my mum's. If I'm already dead, it's in trust for the kids until they are 21. She also has a funeral planned out, hymns and all.

Dh's parents will is a split 3 ways between him and his siblings, he's the executor and if any of them die first, their share is in trust for their respective children until they are 25 (they have a lot of money and other assets). We were asked for input and they were quite open about it.

Soontobe60 · 13/07/2020 22:34

I’ve got a copy of my mums will, and my dds have copies of mine and dhs wills.

Bibijayne · 13/07/2020 22:34

Yes.

Batqueen · 13/07/2020 22:35

Yes, parents have discussed with all of us. They wanted to get our thoughts (my siblings and I) on it to ensure they weren’t doing anything that would cause ill feeling after they are gone.

Jellykat · 13/07/2020 22:36

Yes, my mum has already told me shes leaving everything to my brother and her partner.

IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0 · 13/07/2020 22:37

I know exactly what is in my mother's will,.and her Power of Attorney. The reason being is that my Dad died back in 2003 - they had "joint wills" if Mum died first, Dad would have everything and vice-versa.After ten years Mum decided it was time to revise the "paperwork" and asked me to help her. I am one of four daughters so I asked her before we even began "why me"? Her answer was that I was not the closet geographically but I was most like my Dad in "thinking". I also asked her before we began with whom she was sharing this and her very clear answer was "it's just me, you and the lawyer"We did nothing without the lawyer, got everything signed, sealed and delivered. It was Mum's business, not mine to share. She had made it very clear from the beginning of the process.
My eldest sister got wind that Mum had updated her will and heard from Mum that I had been involved - my sister ranted over the phone to me a few times and hasn't spoken to me since 2014.
I respected my Mum's wishes but have lost a sister.

elQuintoConyo · 13/07/2020 22:41

My mother's no, cos she is cagey and likely to be spiteful and use it to manipulate. My father's yes.

Fil has nothing to leave but debts, do that'll be interesting.

DH and I have had wills for the last 25 years, we've been married since 2010 and have an 8yo.

2020nymph · 13/07/2020 22:43

Following a bizarre conversation with my in-laws about plans to change their wills I spoke to my parents.

I had correctly assumed that any assets would be left equally between me and DSIS and that anything they wanted to leave their grandchildren would come from my 'share'. DSIS doesn't want children.

BlessYourCottonSocks · 13/07/2020 22:43

Yes. Split equally between me and my siblings. My DC also know that mine and DHs is split equally between them.

lljkk · 13/07/2020 22:44

Yes I know. I don't think it's fair about my share but I'm glad my dad told me, glad he respected enough to be honest, so I can be ready for it. And it's their money. They can leave it all to cat home if they so choose.

Bad girl (failed self slap). I snooped & looked at some of the decisions about other bequests. I don't know if the other people know the decisions about them. Oh well. One problem at a time.

Love51 · 13/07/2020 22:45

My parents, yes. But it didn't really involve a discussion. I went for a visit and my dad said 'we've been redoing our wills and they are held at a solicitors, here's a card (A5) - put it somewhere you can find it when the time comes'. They are leaving everything to each other in the first instance, if the other one goes without changing the wills, splitting it equally between their children.

Theirs is the most straightforward case out if all mine and DH's parents (he has five including steps) and we think none of them have made a will (except maybe his first stepdad who will have -rightly- left everything to his own kids). His dad and stepmum haven't, which always seems strange to me that whether or not the stepkids / 'first family' inherit is basically being left to chance rather than a conscious decision.
His mum keeps saying she'll make a will favouring her first set of kids as the second set had a massive inheritance from a relative on their dads side. But she says a lot of things, including that she's going to marry her (much younger) partner, which she probably should as the house is in her name and it saves anyone having to make decisions to hand over any inheritance they are legally entitled to to avoid kicking him out of his home.

I also knew what my parents will said when I was a child as I was convinced they were going to die together and I wanted to know who I was going to live with. I was ok once I knew the plan.

Caplin · 13/07/2020 22:45

I know What is in each of my parents and I am the executor for my dad. Originally it was more complicated as there were special provisions for my brother who had addiction issues, but he died a few weeks ago so it is simpler now.

My mum wants her husband to live in her house till he dies, but it wouldn’t belong to him, it would belong to me and my sister. He hasn’t pit anything into it financially. But I think she will outlive him, even though he is 15 years younger.

Corcra · 13/07/2020 22:48

Yes. We were told. I’m glad we were. I plan on telling my children.
My dhs family never discuss it. I find it strange.

Merryoldgoat · 13/07/2020 22:48

We know what’s in PILs

I don’t have parents anymore so that’s moot.

FranklySonImTheGaffer · 13/07/2020 22:49

I've seen my parents - it splits everything 50/50 between me and my sister.

With ILs we got a phone call from them while in the solicitors office - they called to check we would take on care of some of their animals 😂
After the appointment they told us what to expect and while DH wasn't surprised, I think unfortunately there will be some surprises for some members of the family when the time comes (they treat ILs quite badly but are definitely expecting to be left a 'share.' Instead I believe they will be gifted a specific sum or items).

I think it's normal and easier to do discuss this stuff tbh

OnceUponAThread · 13/07/2020 22:49

I know what's in my mum's with a fair amount of detail. She has a long term partner so has discussed what goes to me, what goes to him, her general plans. I don't need to know or ask about it, but she wants to make sure there's no surprises.

My dad's I have no idea, but he has a second family so I assume there are other priorities and if there is anything it will go elsewhere.

thegreylady · 13/07/2020 22:51

We have given copies of our wills to all dc/sdc and if anything changes they will all be told.

Triangularbubble · 13/07/2020 22:51

Yes, mostly because they recently asked me to be their executor, though even as a young teenager I knew who the executors and guardians were at the time and roughly what it said. It’s actually very standard, just everything split equally between me and my 3 siblings. I’ve also been shown where the list of accounts, pensions etc is.

My parents also know the contents of my, equally standard, will as they’re specified as one of the potential guardians of our children. My primary age child has asked over the years what would happen if we died, so actually they pretty much know the contents of our wills too, though mainly in the context of who would look after them.

My husband has at least some idea of his parents very complicated wills. They told him because they wanted to explain the rationale for certain things, which he said they didn’t need to do but they insisted. Whatever it was he’s fine with it. I’ve never asked or been told what those things are, or anything else about it, which is fine with me.

claireyjs · 13/07/2020 22:52

No I don't, if doesn't bother me tbh...

nexus63 · 13/07/2020 22:53

i do not know what is in my mum and step-fathers will but she has put be down as an executor. along with my step fathers son, something she did not ask me to do or something i want to do

Topseyt · 13/07/2020 22:53

Yes. And equal split between me and my sister.

Crownduals · 13/07/2020 22:54

Both my parents are skint so can’t see them having anything to pay for funerals never mind anything else

JeffVaderneedsatray · 13/07/2020 22:55

Yes.
My Dad told me about hsi years ago because of complicated issues.
My Mum told me about hers after my step dad died because of house based complications.

I don't know the contents of MIL's but DH does. He knows vaguely about my DPs' because I got him to read my Dad's as it made my head hurt with the legalease way it was written.

MadCattery · 13/07/2020 22:56

My parents are long gone, but there are two Identical copies of my will. One in my safe and one sent to my son.

rosiejaune · 13/07/2020 22:57

No. I think my mum has one, but she hasn't confirmed it. She did threaten to leave everything (maybe £40k left from her house sale) to charity when she perceived me as being greedy.

Not sure how she worked that out though, since I suggested she give it to my sister for a house deposit now, which would then make my mum eligible for social housing, instead of having to live off the money. I.e. I wouldn't get anything then (and my sister has a much higher income than me).

Last summer, my dad didn't have one. I don't know if he has made one since.