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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you know the contents of your parents’ wills?

225 replies

Fernandini056 · 13/07/2020 22:11

Is this a normal thing for families to discuss? Or do most people find out who’s been left what after the person has died?

Asking because my PIL want to discuss this with me and DH next week but I never experienced this with my own parents before they died. Just wondering if this is normal?

OP posts:
JorisBonson · 14/07/2020 07:15

I'm the executor of my dad's will and have a copy here.

I don't know exactly what's in it, but know how he wants it split.

CatFaceCats · 14/07/2020 07:17

My mums yes - because my dad has other children not with her, so in the event she dies before him, it’s been very cleverly worked so that none of her money/share of property goes to my dad, although he has lifetime use of property or whatever it’s called. Her stepchildren have always been vile to her, and having inherited a large chunk of money, she doesn’t want that to go to my dad, then to his children when he passes.

I also know the content of my ex-in-laws because apparently I pay attention more than their son and my children are in both their wills. Plus ex-FIL has donated his body to science and apparently I’m the one who has to make sure that happens as I’m the organised one.

Justanothernameonthepage · 14/07/2020 07:33

Yes, we also know funeral/end of life preference and my parents living will as they discussed who they'd like to make decisions for them. My DGM had the same approach and it made everything go much more smoothly than when another family member passed. My FIL didn't want to upset his daughters by discussing his will and when they found out the contents it pretty much caused 3 different rifts and left them all upset and feeling unloved/unreguarded.

cookiemonster5 · 14/07/2020 07:37

I do to a point. I'm executer and power of attorney so I know who is in the will and who has been written out and will get nothing (one of 2 kids and my older sibling has been written out so it all goes to me and our kids). I don't know specifics of who gets which house and what share we all get of the money though.

I also know their funeral plans and who the plans are with and where to find the wills etc in the house.

Doggyperson · 14/07/2020 07:40

Yes, my mum gave us all a copy to read before she signed it to make sure we were happy ( couldn't understand a word mind)

huuunderickssss · 14/07/2020 07:42

Yes and I have power of attorney .. it's very sensible to talk about death when you are alive !!
I went to the solicitors with my mum after my dad died and re did the Will with her ( at her request) .. you don't want to start trying to mess with a cantankerous old person about it . Best to get it sorted while they are cooperative .

Bargainhuntbore · 14/07/2020 07:43

I know the content of my dad’s will.

MyPersona · 14/07/2020 07:43

Yes I know what’s in it, and I know where all the paperwork is filed and have power of attorney.

orangesandapplesandpearsohmy · 14/07/2020 07:44

Yes, I’m joint executor with DSis and I have a copy of the will. It’s not a complicated one at all, whatever DPs have will be split between us

AuntieMarys · 14/07/2020 07:45

My (adult) dcs know what is my will. Dh is my 2nd husband, with adult children of his own so we have separate wills. They also know my direct cremation plans...no service. If they want some kind of memorial thing, they can organise that themselves.

Ragwort · 14/07/2020 07:50

Yes I do, I already have POA and am an executor for my DP's will - we regularly go through the paperwork so that I will know what to do when the time comes .. my DM is very organised with detailed lists of all her bank accounts, investments, pension details, what organisations to call etc etc. We have an informal 'review' every year or so ... DF is 90 & DM late 80s and we've been doing this for the last 15 years or so Grin.

My DH found himself executor to a relative that he didn't really know about, and dealing with all the paperwork, selling the house, etc etc from a distance was a nightmare.

coronabeer23 · 14/07/2020 07:51

I know it’s split evenly between all the children. I don’t know anything more than that. I have power of Attorney and I’m also an executor. I have no idea of how much there is although expect it’s more than I think.

IamMaz · 14/07/2020 08:01

Yes I knew.

However, my MIL died about a month ago and also left a letter of wishes - personal items to be distributed as she had chosen. About 15 items of jewellery. My DH and I live 300 miles away so BIL sorted it. We don't get on with him and he likes to be Mr Important.
We had a copy of MIL's wishes - she wanted me to have her diamond and sapphire earrings and necklace. [I never remembered seeing these].
Guess what dear BIL sent me? Some crappy Majorcan pearl earrings instead!!!
I had told DH I'd not receive the diamond and sapphires!!! LOL

Mominatrix · 14/07/2020 08:08

Broad sketch, but no details. I am their chosen executer and they have a very large estate.

littlemisskt · 14/07/2020 08:08

Yes I do, makes sense to me to know beforehand so no surprises. Also my parents never re-registered me after they married so officially I wouldn’t be entitled to anything or to even help with arrangements if my brother got awkward with it. We never discussed such things with my mil and when she died very suddenly there was a lot of extra heartache involved trying to sort everything out because she had no will at all.

Northumberlandlass · 14/07/2020 08:16

I was asked as a teen to be executor of my aunt & uncle’s will so I know what is there.

My Dad has a long will which my sister & I are executors of - he changes bits & bobs regularly (mainly relating to my DS (his only grandchild)). I know he has written ‘guidance’ for us!

DS (16) knows about my will as my DP has life interest on my house (our home).

It’s good to talk about these things!

FishOnPillows · 14/07/2020 08:16

My parents have talked to me and my sister about their wills, mainly because they were wondering what we’d do with their house after their deaths. They weren’t going to bother spending a load of money on the (rather large) garden if neither of us would want it.

From what I gather, when one of my parents dies, their share of everything gets put into a trust, it doesn’t go to the surviving spouse. Then when the other dies, their share joins the trust. My sister and I are joint executors and trustees. This way my sister and I have to make joint decisions on the house. She’s very unlikely to want it as she loathes gardening, I may, depending on my situation at the time. This way means I can pay the trust/my sister rent to live in the house, the trust can just rent the house out indefinitely, one of us can effectively buy the other out, or we can sell the house and split it.
I think that’s how it works anyway, I’m not 100% sure, but it’s what my parents want so sister & I will work it out at the time (which will be decades away, not 5 or so years as DM keeps saying!)

somewomenneedaslap · 14/07/2020 08:17

Yes I know what is in my parents will.

netstaller · 14/07/2020 08:24

Yes I think it's considerate to tell you.

Shelby30 · 14/07/2020 08:43

I think it must be pretty common. Imagine just getting the shock of your life when you find out oh actually mum n dad had a lot more or less than I would have thought and they are giving half of it to other family 😮

Yes I know what assets and cash my parents have. When they got new wills recently my mum told me that she had me put down as the executer and how it would be split.

My fil is terminally ill and recently re done his will. His partner is executer and everything will be spilt equally with her and his kids. She wasn't in the will at all previously and we always thought this is why they didn't want to marry so that was a bit of a shock to be honest. No idea how much he has though but house is worth a lot.

LouiseTrees · 14/07/2020 09:16

It may be that they want your DH to execute it. Maybe they’ve left some to a third party like a church or a charity and want to explain that. With my parents I don’t know but I’m assuming equally split between me and my brother. With my in-laws I know there’s a live in order on the MIL house because BIL lives with her and the split of cash is different- we have talked about this with her. Father in law has a step child so again it’s complicated and has been discussed. My gran has bequeathed specific antiques to people so again we know elements of that.

nettytree · 14/07/2020 09:19

I think my parents have left everything 50/50. But my sister still lives in the house so not sure what will happen there.

Seeingadistance · 14/07/2020 09:23

I don’t know, but my parents have always been at pains to make sure that my sister and I are treated equally, so I’m not expecting their wills to be any different.

CMOTDibbler · 14/07/2020 09:23

I didn't, and have to say I was holding my breath when I had to open dads will (he died in March, then mum in April) as he frequently threatened to write my brother out, and it would have left me in a very difficult position.

Dillydallyingthrough · 14/07/2020 09:28

Yes, my DPs sat me and my siblings down and talked through their wills including a few scenarios (what happens if one passes or both). It sounds morbid but it was factual. Some of my parents siblings have passed and there has been horrible fall outs between their DC about inheritance. My DP wanted us all to hear their wishes together so we all had the same info.

I have done the same with my DD (although she's only 16), I've told her who would her guardian, etc. I've left some jewellery to my niece and nephew which my DD was surprised at and upset as 1 she loved, so I swopped the piece of jewellery. Its these kinds of things that can cause arguments and can be so easily resolved by talking.