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Original poster

Do you know the contents of your parents’ wills?

225 replies

Fernandini056 · 13/07/2020 22:11

Is this a normal thing for families to discuss? Or do most people find out who’s been left what after the person has died?

Asking because my PIL want to discuss this with me and DH next week but I never experienced this with my own parents before they died. Just wondering if this is normal?

OP posts:
ViciousJackdaw · 13/07/2020 22:58

I have a copy of Mum's will but haven't actually looked at it. I can't bring myself to, she says she's left everything to me but I just don't want to read about her being dead IYKWIM. My Dad and my brother are both gone so there's just me. I already own her house, she signed it over to me on the sly a few years ago when she (rightly) suspected her partner was trying to fleece her.

Dad died intestate and as Mum and him were divorced, everything came down to me to sort. The only thing I knew was that some years previously, he made me promise to 'help him go' if he ended up as a 'vegetable'. Knowing this made the decision to withdraw his life support much easier and, although it is a difficult discussion, I would urge everyone to have this conversation with their loved ones.

OneEpisode · 13/07/2020 23:00

My mum left everything to dad and both their wills were/are known. I was executor for her will. They chose the hymns and grave plots long ago...

ChippyDucks150 · 13/07/2020 23:01

@58ViciousJackdaw I'm the same as you, have a copy but don't want to look at it. I know it's split between my brother and that I am the executor but I can't deal with that just now.

ChairmanMieow · 13/07/2020 23:13

Yes. My parents are very open about it. It’s complicated enough- big family, lots of property, two businesses etc. so they wanted everyone to know what was in it to prevent any issues arising afterwards.

Hopefully, we won’t inherit anything for a very long time.

MinorArcana · 13/07/2020 23:20

Yes, my parents have told me and my siblings the details of what’s in their wills.

Gillian1980 · 13/07/2020 23:26

Yes I know what is in my dads. Mum died long ago so it’s just him and he’s leaving anything 50/50 between me and my brother - very straight forward.

MIL said she’s not got a will and said she thinks it’s fine as it’ll automatically get split between her kids. However, she then realised that my DH wouldn’t be included as she’s not actually his mum (stepmum) so she decided she would make one after all.

Madlollyoftheshire · 13/07/2020 23:28

For those of you saying you’re an only child, so there won’t be any surprises, beware of unscrupulous financial advisers/solicitors! My father had always been very private about his financial affairs, he never discussed his will with me and I Never asked about it, but just a couple of weeks before he died Last November, when he knew he hadn’t got long after becoming ill, he wanted to tell me everything so that I would be able to sort out his affairs after he had gone. I was his Next of kin and only Surviving child after my brother died 20 years ago and my mum/his wife died in 2012. I looked after my dad as his illness progressed and, apart from his financial affairs, we were very close. When we looked at his will together, at his request (which had been redone in 2018, when he was 86) he admitted to being “uncomfortable “ about it and was confused about parts of it....turns out I was the main beneficiary (Sole beneficiary of this residuary estate, after the pecuniary gifts had been made) but he’d been advised to put his residuary estate into a 125 year trust - to be administered by the financial adviser, and the solicitor the FA had recommended to draw up the Will was the sole executor of the Will. So both of them would be making all decisions on what to do with my dad’s estate and charging their (Frankly extortionate) fees, leaving me no say in any of it, despite being the main beneficiary! By the time they had deducted their fees I could have been left with nothing. Luckily, dad had just enough time to get a new will drawn up by a different solicitor, who had to go to his bedside as he was so weak. Apparently, there was no need whatsoever for such a complicated arrangement Or trust to have been included in the Will, so it was changed to me being the sole executor and sole beneficiary of the residuary estate, without strings. I Would urge anyone to discuss their Will with loved ones so there are no unpleasant surprises when it is too late to do anything about them. I am still undecided whether to make a formal complaint to the relevant regulatory bodies, as the financial adviser and original solicitor clearly had a very cosy, self-serving arrangement going on, to the detriment of me and my children. Letters I found later indicate that the FA was the driver of it all and the original solicitor wrote it all up - dad was very hard of hearing and had very poor eyesight! Sorry to hijack the thread, but these things can have huge implications.

Chloemol · 13/07/2020 23:28

Yes I do, and my family know what’s in mine

Shmithecat2 · 13/07/2020 23:29

The only asset my dm really has is her home that she shares with her lovely DH. He has 2 children, I'm one of 3. Her half will be split between us 3 and his half between his 2. That's about it really, fair enough imo.

Parky04 · 13/07/2020 23:32

Yes and it is 50/50 between me and sister. DM did say would I mind if she left everything to the 4 grandchildren and when I said yes she left it as it was.

UggyPow · 13/07/2020 23:32

I am the executor for my Mum (my dad died a long time ago) - I became a widow quite young with small children & my Mum helped me financially (I needed it) - I am the executor as I get the Jewellery but nothing else - I have had my share.
One Sib won’t be happy but they never are anyway.... (the rest of us have actually told our Mum to give them the most I.e. the house)
My children know the contents of their late father’s will & what’s in mine - so they know who looks after them if anything happens to me.
I used to know what was in my in-laws Will but our relationship deteriorated so who knows what’s in it now.......

PickAChew · 13/07/2020 23:33

No, but I'll have first dibs on mum's knitting neeedles .

thesunisup · 13/07/2020 23:33

I do, they relayed to me and I instructed the solicitor. Solicitor talked them through contents. Standard stuff - surviving spouse then kids, and grandkids if kids pass before parents.

GooseberryJam · 13/07/2020 23:37

Also make sure you know where your parents keep their wills. My mum had said to me 'you know where I keep everything' - turns out, where I thought she kept everything wasn't where she kept everything. The 'look up a will' website is useless too unless it's been registered in a particular way. I did find it but save yourselves the stress at a difficult time. And ask if they have a funeral plan and likewise who it's with if so.

thesunisup · 13/07/2020 23:37

My parents only made theirs when dad became terminally ill. It was only then we learned mum, a sahm/casual worker doesn't actually co-own their home. Her mum died the day they were due to sign papers for mortgage. So she has a life interest in the house after dad passes and has no asset to be accounted for in care fees. I'd sell it anyway and pay the best I could afford for her

Cherrysoup · 13/07/2020 23:40

Yes, they told us. It’s split 50/50 between me and my brother. I asked for my dad’s will, just because I was interested, lots of flowery language to just say that he left everything to my mum if he pre-deceased her.

LadyofMisrule · 13/07/2020 23:46

I wasn't concerned about the financial settlement, but I wish my mum had told me her wishes about her funeral. We had issues with probate due to useless family executors, and the solicitor (quite rightly) refused to allow either one to do probate on their own, so withheld the will. I arranged the funeral, and some time later I found out my mum had specific wishes regarding the arrangements that I hadn't complied with.

TroysMammy · 13/07/2020 23:47

I've got an idea but not happy about it but what can I do? It's split between me, my sister and my sister's daughter, their only grandchild who is a child. My niece is an only child of an only child whose parents are well off. I don't have children so my estate will eventually go to her. I'm a bit pissed off because I don't have children to benefit and my share has been reduced. I don't think my parents have thought it through.

TheChiefJo · 13/07/2020 23:55

Yes, perfectly normal. If the gist of it is well known between you all as a family well in advance, it minimises the risk of any big fallout.

I just updated my own will and told the whole gang (my DPs, DSis, and 2 DSs) exactly what I'd chosen.

I suppose it's more complicated when some family members made sacrifices to provide care and others didn't. But that's all the more reason to be open about intentions and reasons avoid shock or disappointment.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/07/2020 23:56

I don't know the detail, but they have mentioned in passing that everything will go to me and my sibling. And that they've done the paperwork to donate their bodies.

IwishIhadaMargarita · 13/07/2020 23:56

Yes my mums is 50:50 fair split between me and my brother. She has always been very careful to treat us both exactly the same as she grew up with a mother who ‘loved her son and tolerated her daughter!’ Despite my mum being a wonderful daughter.

DH is an only Child and we have no children so he will inherit everything.

PassingByAndThoughtIdDropIn · 13/07/2020 23:57

My DPs were careful to discuss with DSis and I because they’d helped one of us with a house purchase but not the other so wanted to be scrupulous about “putting it right” in their wills, and to explain their thinking to us well in advance.

gypsywater · 14/07/2020 00:00

Loads of parents leave their money to charity...even if they get on with their adult children...

BackforGood · 14/07/2020 00:02

I didn't know what was in my parents' will, and we don't know what is in dh's parents' will, and my dc don't know what is in our will but there was nothing controversial and nothing unexpected and there is no complication in any of our family set ups.

I think if a will is doing anything other than sharing out any estate between the dc (possibly with small gifts elsewhere), then it is probably a good thing to talk to people and explain your reasoning beforehand. Especially if one dc is getting different amounts from another or if you can see one (or more) dc are doing financial planning around receiving money that isn't going to come to them in a will.

The other thing of course, is, when people write wills, they will often set up power of attorney and they will often ask their dc to be Executors, so obviously they need to talk to your dh about those things now - however straightforward their will is.

WeAllHaveWings · 14/07/2020 00:07

Mum's will is split evenly between me and my siblings. The only input I had was to tell her to consider what she would want to do if one of us died before she did and to include that in the will to save her rewriting it, suggested it passed it onto that siblings children. Not sure what she decided.