Have you dated someone of diff intelligence?

[AnyOldMorricone]

Can I ask if you have been in a relationship with someone less (or more) intelligent than you? If so, how did it work out? What were the challenges? Could you make it work?

I’m not talking Forest Gump and Steven Hawking but just everyday & more subtle!

Interested to hear others’ experiences.

Like @wifflewafflebiscuit:

Yes. I'm academic and high iq. He's practical, hands on, dyslexic. I do the admin, banking, schooling etc. He cooks, gets the kids into sports and takes them to the sports etc, and saves me from myself and my anxiety. He stops me walking into the traffic when I'm not paying attention. I stop him spending all our money on bikes

Apart from the bikes!

We muddle along ok but I can’t deny I do get frustrated sometimes at the things he says/does that seem obvious to me but not to him. He was diagnosed with dyslexia in Y11 and had basically been labelled a trouble maker. Coupled with moving around a lot (forces family) that wouldn’t have helped.

yes, my ex was just not academic, which I didn't mind at first, but I used to get very frustrated at his lack of emotional intelligence, or any kind of intelligence - in the end I just stopped talking to him really about anything that interested me, as he didn't 'get it'. also I turned into his mother - looking after everything, which I resented. also he never 'got it' - how much of a burden that was- it wasn't so much the lack of intelligence though, as he made me laugh, it was the lack of responsibility that ended it really.

How convenient for all this near genius men that they are so rubbish at every day life! I bet they are rubbish at putting their wives' careers first, doing huge amounts of childcare or housework, and definitely have to go to work a lot or go into the study even during lockdown. They probably can't home educate their kids and work f/t given their brilliance.

There's a narrative here which is self-serving. I work with many of these so-called 'geniuses' (ha, ha, none of my female academic friends would think of themselves like this or do their partners refer to them like this). We all manage to run homes, kids, housework and publish, because we don't have the convenience of not having common sense or someone else to do the other jobs.

Lockdown has massively ramped up inequalities for women with children, and one of the key reasons is that men (and some of the women) think their job is more important, that the men are more clever and they need special time and space to do their brilliant work. Of course I will now be inundated with people telling me a) their husbands are indeed geniuses and b) they are not like that at all. Research shows though, that women academics are doing less work in lockdown/have more home responsibilities and men are doing more. Even when the intellect is equal, it's the same old, same old.

Agree with you @Nearlyalmost50

DH is fiercely intelligent but one of those quiet people who doesn't boast about it. I'm bright enough, but nowhere near as smart in terms of raw intelligence. I don't think I've ever been out with anyone much, much less bright, but DH is the smartest person I've ever met in terms of IQ.

However, when we met MIL had done everything for him for thirty years, so moving in together was a baptism of fire for him, having to learn all of the life skills he should have been learning since he was a child. I never took on the role of doing everything for him (much to MIL's chagrin) so he learned. He and I are equal in terms of what we do around the house. There are jobs I hate (bins) and jobs he hates (bathing the DC when they were small - he was terrified by their slipperiness) but we both contribute equally in terms of work and home.

I work away in Europe often, he works away further from home often. We share a calendar so that we know when we can/can't book trips away and whoever is home does the DC/admin/dog walks/mundane shit and the other one brings something nice back from duty free. It works well for us despite me occasionally thinking he could probably have done better for himself. I don't think I could have married someone who was smart but not smart enough to help raise his own family.

My husband hasn’t got any qualifications, he’s quite severely dyslexic. He’s good at practical things, housework and is a very hard worker at work. I went to grammar school, have a degree, love reading. We’ve been together for nearly 15 years. Couldn’t imagine being with anyone else, we complement each other.

My first boyfriend was a classic case of "nice but dim". Charismatic, sweet and hilariously funny, but there just wasn't enough substance to keep a relationship going. I can't cope with having to dumb down and/or explain everything all the time; it takes all the fun and spontaneity out of conversations.

My husband is not academic in the slightest, whereas I am, but we are definitely evenly matched in intelligence.

I know a couple of intelligent people who are so socially awkward and simply they are useless at reading other people’s body language. When they are at family gatherings, people argue over who has to sit or stand near them and try to have a conversation. I remember one occasion, at my home, I left a roomful of people to go into the kitchen to organise food, ten minutes later, I realised half the people I left were in the kitchen with me. They whispered that they couldn’t bear to try to make conversation with some of the others in the room. All their attempts were answered but the others didn’t converse back. I knew exactly what they meant. Some of these are very academic people but so poor socially, that they come across as superior and some of them think they are actually superior and that comes across too. I would never equate education with intelligence!

Yes. I'm more intelligent than my dh in the classic sense of the word. However, he's more world smart than me, whereas I lack common sense a lot of the time. We balance each other out nicely 😂

@Howcanwehelp I'm imagining you being very northern
Thick as mince is such a northern term

@cravingthelook I'm actually a mixture of Midlands and South, but I once had a friend who said it and its such an excellent saying that I remembered it.

I'm a senior academic, DH doesn't have a degree. But he's interested in stuff and has loads of other great qualities so it doesn't matter. When I was dating I tried going out with other academic types and they did my nut in, so, meh to that. Kindness and intellectual curiosity outranks intelligence in my book any day.

Apart from my first serious boyfriend, every relationship I've had has been with someone of less intelligence. I used to dumb myself down, I'm a member of Mensa, and never mention irl. I'm now much better at picking people I can at least have a decent conversation with.

@barbrahunter

@firstmentat

Ha yes me too!! My father was an extremely intelligent man and I always cringed inside when he was trying to engage my ex in conversation.
Ex was excellent sportsman though.

IQ tests measure your ability to do IQ tests, and as it happens, I am quite good at them. I'd say I've scored higher on paper than all my partners, but many of them have more and better focus than me and have done far better at building a career where they use their chosen fields of knowledge.
Brains are definitely sexy, and intelligence/smarts is one likely ingredient in the mix when I fancy someone. I've only ever had one case where I dumped a (super hot) guy due to a lack of decent conversation, and even then I would say it was intellectual curiousity he was missing - he wasn't particularly stupid, just disinterested. I'd find it hard to date someone who didn't read though.

"even if she was just asking me about my work. It was painful."

How painful can it be once every six weeks?

Yes me. DH is mensa intelligent. I am very normal/average. I have a degree and work in a professional career, until last year the same one as DH. He will go further than me as even though I am more driven/ambitious, he is naturally gifted and will simply move ahead because he is very good at what he does.

Excellent, he can help DS with the maths and science homework!

I have only dated people of a similar or higher intellingence. It is very important to me and would struggle with someone who isnt on my wavelength.

I often wonder if DH would prefer someone more on his wave length but he assures me he doesnt!

DH is highly intelligent and I'm just intelligent so he's dumbed down for me!

But, we're also both well-read and curious about the world so we're good companions in the intellectual and social sense. I couldn't do his job, though, I think it's beyond me!

I'm fairly sure my DC are more intelligent than me, but again, I can talk to them and take an interest in their lives so they don't seem to mind too much. DD is in an accelerated Maths class, though, and her Dad has to help her if she has questions.

I'm the one to assist with essays, I can write well.

I've been at both ends of the spectrum!

Truck mechanic. Not academic but very practical and a good, kind person. His lack of ambition for anything other than the simplest of life was stifling and he definitely lacked critical thinking. It was irritating at times he blindly followed what his ( equally uncritical) dad thought.

Oxbridge graduate with PhD. Also a good, kind person. Supersmart in knowledge but also somewhat uncritical in thinking and lacking in insight at times.

Long term relationships with both. Both had some frustrating qualities. Relationship with truck mechanic fizzled out as it ran it's course .

Depends what you want in life. Sometimes someone can compliment your personality and be very different.