Have you dated someone of diff intelligence?

[AnyOldMorricone]

Can I ask if you have been in a relationship with someone less (or more) intelligent than you? If so, how did it work out? What were the challenges? Could you make it work?

I’m not talking Forest Gump and Steven Hawking but just everyday & more subtle!

Interested to hear others’ experiences.

I’ve had 3 serious relationships and all 3 are exceptionally smart. And I am exceptionally dim!

I married one too! we’re very happy and he’s taught me all sorts. I tend to learn faster now I’m older.

My paternal family were academic scientists for 3 generations - I am most definitely the dim black sheep of the family. They still love me

I am more of a creative type. Though I am finding new talents aged 34 like Latin, chemistry and coding.

On the positive side, they were sexy, fun, happy-go-lucky and pleasant to be around but I used to get so tired having to explain everything to them, it really did take the shine off things and made me feel like their mother.

This sounds mad. What kinds of things did you have to explain?

Myself and my husband. I'm more intelligent but he is more personable, so he is far more successful in his career than I am.

*despite it seeming i cannot string a sentence together

I’ve had relationships with men who weren’t as intelligent as me. I would never do it again. Having deeper conversations about things was intensely frustrating. They lacked critical thinking skills and failed to understand my points/conversation about things that were very important to me. Paired with the arrogance of a confident male, it was excruciatingly annoying at times.

Briefly. We had nothing to talk about. It taught me something!

I have a PhD in astrophysics now, but during my undergrad I dated this hippy musician that believed David Icke was right and the earth was flat and all sorts of bizarre nonsense he dreamed up whilst on drugs. Needlessly to say, it didn't work out, it was fun for a bit though.

I found you need to be on a level playing field on this. I'm a cleaner with an IQ of 143. Dp has an IQ of 54, can't read and just about write. I cannot have an in depth conversation with him about anything. Yet he can strip an engine to the ground and rebuild. Can fix nearly everything he comes across.

You need to be able to talk to someone for it to work without one having to explain the most basic of things.

I find intelligence massively appealing but I did go out with someone who (I think) was a lot less bright than me. I fancied the arse off him (more than anyone before or since) but we couldn't have any kind of reasonable conversation outside of the sack. He was shy too which didn't help, so maybe he wasn't as dim as he appeared but I ended it because I thought it would never go anywhere. However, twenty years later I still dream about him regularly so maybe I should have stuck with him .

DH on the other hand has a very high IQ and on paper is much brighter than me. But in almost every aspect of daily life he is pretty dim. I spend a lot time explaining things to him.

I'm slightly more academic than my husband but he's more practical than me and really quick with arithmetic. I think I'd be intimidated by someone much more intelligent than me!!

So interesting reading all these replies.

Don’t want to go into too much detail but I’m in a relationship and I’m trying to make it work. There is so much good and compatibility and love but my partner is slower on the uptake and I find our conversations don’t tend to go anywhere unexpected. I would enjoy discussing things in more depth and complexity. I actually feel like I literally don’t think as much as I used to. I come out at 150+ on IQ tests and don’t necessarily need to talk about ‘intellectual’ stuff but you know — I like a lively conversation whatever the topic happens to be.

I feel concerned at times as I find myself feeling bored and frustrated and I feel this is unfair on him as he isn’t doing anything wrong and is a lovely person. I also find that I experience myself as this frustrated, impatient person more often than I would like. He’s not thick, we’re just not quite on the same level.

I’m only drawing attention to this one area of concern here – there is a whole host of other stuff that is great, he’s an amazing person in many ways and we’re mostly happy. He’s more emotionally intelligent than me, resilient, positive, kind, hardworking, funny, lovely to be around. I also love him very much!

Thanks for the replies, they are all really interesting.

DH has a brain the size of a planet and very learned and very good at what he does. Think Oxford First, etc. Has taught himself piano, workable Russian, etc. Very knowledgeable re music and opera.

I dropped out, am more innately mathematical. Have a director level job.

However, we are a team and I am more socially confident and whilst he's comparing different productions of an opera, I can happily say "oh wasn't it marvellous - darling will you open another bottle - Because he's minded to forget his guests' glasses are empty but I blame his mother.

You need to define what you mean by "intellegence". Do you mean "clever", "better educated", "savvy" or what ? Or are you a script writer for The Big Bang Theory?

My first not so DH. Pretty but dim, and embarrassed me every time he opened his mouth, in the end.
He would also get frustrated when we argued, because he couldn’t ”win”, so he'd beat me up instead.

No, I wouldn't want to be with someone who was slow on the uptake or didn't want to talk deeply. I have been with people like that and it was like something was slightly missing, even if they were fun, good-looking or whatever. I think you just have to be honest with yourself about whether this matters to you, you have a choice to either accept the person how they are and look elsewhere for that type of mental stimulation (work, friends, clubs) or look for a partner with it. I can have fun without it, but for a soulmate, I would be looking for someone fairly equal, I did find it and I'm glad I did.

@Namechangex10000

My partner and I are on completely different wavelengths and intelligence levels to be honest. He cannot spell even basic words (fined instead of find, rawl instead of row for example.....) we don’t really share the same views on many things, his understanding of most things is lacking, different sense of humour completely (I don’t even bother sending him anything I find funny because he won’t get it) hardly have anything in common, I wish I could explain why I love him more than life but sometimes even I haven’t got a clue 🤣

My DH's spelling would be better than that, but I still find loads of mistakes in texts/shopping lists etc. He is definitely less academic/intelligent/intuitive than me but he's a nicer person. He's great. Solid, dependable, decent. And as much as it surprises me all the time, I still love him loads.

I know what you mean. There are a lot of men I wouldn’t even consider as partners just because it is clear they wouldn’t get me.

My ex-boyfriend. He was a lovely guy: kind, good looking etc. But at the end of the day we couldn't have an equally matched debate, he couldn't reason an argument in the way I could and for that reason I lost all respect for him. Once the respect went then I had to end it as I couldn't love someone who I felt superior to. It sounds really horrible to spell it out this way, but it was fairer in the long term.

To the posters saying "lots of different types of intelligence". To me there's lots of different types of knowledge, which is different to intelligence. Intelligence is more about the ability to learn and understand concepts and critical thinking ability IMO. My parents have very little education and therefore knowledge about certain things but they are intelligent people. My uncle is well educated with a degree and therefore has more knowledge but it was a struggle for him and he is noticeably less intelligent.

I dated a guy once who was less intelligent and the conversations were boring. We could find topics that were interesting to both of us, but the points he made were just rudimentary and not stimulating. And it extended to emotional intelligence too, he was quite black and white and simplistic in his view of emotions. He was kind, hardworking and passionate but the conversations were a deal breaker and it didn't work out.

I feel concerned at times as I find myself feeling bored and frustrated and I feel this is unfair on him as he isn’t doing anything wrong and is a lovely person. I also find that I experience myself as this frustrated, impatient person more often than I would like. He’s not thick, we’re just not quite on the same level.

These feelings will only intensify over time. I think you already know that you are not suited. You’ll end up being irritated by him, and you won’t be able to hide it. It will cause resentment on both sides. You won’t be an effective team.

I almost got engaged to a fabulously good looking and kind man, until I realised that he wasn’t clever enough and that I’d always be talking down to him. I am so pleased that I had the courage to break it off. I am sure that we’d have divorced eventually.

When I got to an age when I was on the lookout for someone permanent, intelligence was at the top of my list. My husband has his faults, but I’m regularly grateful that we’re on the same level.

DP is highly intelligent if you measure it by IQ ( 153 in last test) .. I'm probably above average but nothing to boast about.

Hes very hard working, a good linguist, musician and mathematician.. and I'm more laid back. . He can be rather absent minded. We get along fine though. One of us needs to have our feet on the ground!!

I think the only thing is that I sometimes wonder what on earth he sees in me but its been 21 years so there must be something.

@Littlemeadow123

But there are so many different types of intelligence. Have you ever heard the quote 'If you measure a goldfish's intelligence by it's ability to climb trees, it will spend it's life believing that it's stupid,". Cheesy, but true.

But we’re not comparing humans vs goldfish or a super computer. We are comparing humans with humans and there is only one broad type of intelligence. People who are intellectually stimulated by new ideas, pick up new skills and knowledge super fast, have great memory and ability to link quantitative data indicators to make good qualitative decisions.

@wifflewafflebiscuit being dyslexic doesn't affect your intelligence. I know very intelligent dyslexic people and I also know others thick as shit.

First bf. He was 4 years older at 20 and had left school at 16 but by 18 I had outgrown him. 3rd bf 10 years older..I.mistook snide and experience for intelligence. Absolute disaster.

Bf 2 same academic intelligence. We were best mates.

Dh.on paper, not as academic and not as academically qualified at a young age. (Studying came later for him), but incredibly interested in everything and can untangle practical problems better than me. Wouldn't actually like to see who's cleverer.

Been with one who was intelligent, but was an arrogant dick. Couldn't admit when he was wrong. Put me off. Glad I'm gone.