Have you dated someone of diff intelligence?

[AnyOldMorricone]

Can I ask if you have been in a relationship with someone less (or more) intelligent than you? If so, how did it work out? What were the challenges? Could you make it work?

I’m not talking Forest Gump and Steven Hawking but just everyday & more subtle!

Interested to hear others’ experiences.

My sisters husband is some bigwig in IT.......they've been married 30 years. She's always done menial jobs and the only qualification she has is silver service she did in a hospitality job.

But they seem happy enough, he's been a good husband. He's supported her through infertility and her mental health problems. She can't have children and he stuck by her side........I can't help but wonder if he enjoys the imbalance of power tho.

But they enjoy each others company, lots of walks, bird watching, travelling and going to concerts etc. Seems to suit them fine.

One ex in particular used to ask me to explain what every word with more than 3 syllables meant, it got tedious.

@Dazzedandconfused - Presumably you had to say "tedious" because if you'd said "monotonous" he wouldn't have understood you.

cdtaylornats your sister sounds foul.

I went through a phase of dating guys much less bright than me. I found them such fun company and so relaxing to hang around with compared to the stressy over-ambitious hyper intellectual types I was used to. Found them very sexy tbh not because they weren’t bright but because they were so happy go lucky and didn’t worry.

It didn’t work out with any of them though, we had such different interests and didn’t really understand each other. So I ended up with a stressy superbright type 🤣

Myself and my OH have quite different levels of intelligence. He's academically much smarter than me, can retain information much easier. He's got 0 common sense though, and I happen to have quite a bit of that so I think we balance each other out.

I had a boyfriend in uni who I thought was mysterious and deep - I was dazzled by his looks and style, tbh. He wasn’t deep - he was very superficial and had a very narrow world view.

My DH and I have different interests, careers and don’t always agree - but we are of very similar intelligence and are never bored in each other’s company, discuss politics, books and all kinds of subjects.

My husband is academically far more intelligent than I am, even though I’m in a ‘professional’ career myself.
We’ve been together for about 20 years and it’s never been a problem.

Not sure if it’s the type of example you are after, but I’d like to think I’m of average intelligence however DH is a member of MENSA and has his IQ measured as in the top 5% of the population.

Don't you have to be in the top 2% to join Mensa?

I would say I'm of average intelligence, I did well at school and got a degree. My husband has a PhD and is very intelligent. Having said that I have a lot more common sense than my husband and it's a running joke. We work because despite the difference in intellect we love the same things and have the same values.

It’s funny this came up on the thread feed, as my husband and I were discussing this yesterday in the car!

We both agreed that there would be a limit as to how long we could be with someone who we weren’t able to have a good debate or conversation with, and generally it was agreed it’d end up being a short term relationship, as being mentally challenged by a partner is something we both need.

My ex wasn’t particularly interested in learning new things, debating, sharing ideas and thoughts, or doing anything that broadened our horizons. Whilst it ultimately ended as he was abusive, I feel like the relationship wouldn’t have gone the distance anyway, as I was just so bored of the same old conversations and needed something more from him.

My boyfriend is smarter than me by a long way, he has a degree in fine art, is a teacher and can solve a rubik's cube in 30 seconds. I on the other hand left school with no qualifications at all, am crap at maths and can barely read a bus timetable. (my brain just cannot engage!)

But hes so kind and caring, loves talking about anything and everything with me and never makes me feel stupid nor does he leave me out of conversations with friends.

His dad is a doctor and his siblings are teachers as well - at family gatherings I'm always terrified that I'm going to say something ridiculous and that they are going to figure out I'm a dunce which is the only down side. Thankfully his mum dad think I'm the best thing to ever happen to their son and didnt give a damn that i never went to uni.

However when i moved in with him he didnt own a vacuum cleaner. He would just borrow his mums once a month.

I'm bright.No degree or anything but I genuinely couldn't be with someone who was dim tbh.Dh is of the same intelligence as me.

I think if your own higher intelligence manifests in contempt or embarassment around the other person that is really problematic.

If it doesn't and you value everything else they bring to the relationship, and who they are as a person, then it is all well and good. When I've had thoughts on this in the past I have worked to de-emphasise the importance I have placed on this one characteristic, and have elevated the importance of all the other characteristics I value in them.

Maybe don't depend on your partner to be perfect in every sense - you can achieve interesting discussions, debates etc with friends if you feel that is something you are missing.

You will know deep-down if it is a deal-breaker, if it colours your every thought of them that's probably not good for them or for you.

I used to date a guy with no academics or qualifications so he thought i was really clever but then again he had all these street smarts and “cred” whereas I was a total nerd. It was really fun.

There are different types of intelligence.
I got top GCSE and A Level grades, went to a good uni and got a 2:1.
My dh is dyslexic and got much worse GCSE grades. But he is very intuitive with practical things. He is great at DIY and gardening. And has a good sense of space. He passed his driving test first time with no minors at 17. And he is very artistic.
I am a terrible driver and get lost easily.
I think we are equally intelligent, just in different ways.

I'm not going by qualifications btw. I just want decent conversation about stuff.

I’ve just realised that one of the main things that keeps me attracts to my husband is his intelligence. If he wasn’t so clever I’d probably have gotten bored.

Attracted

Also, looking back, my ex was similar in intellect me. Though I was better at Arts/ Language and he at Science/ Maths. He was probably more intelligent and got a 1st in his degree easily.
But he lacked emotional intelligence and conmon sense. Everyone who met him thought he was a bit dim.

My current boyfriend is much less intelligent than me. It works for me. I really don't want in depth conversations. I just prefer talking about banal everyday stuff really. It's more relaxing for me being with him.

"aren’t academic (probably by choice) and prefer the arts"

Can you explain what you mean by this?

My kids' dad went to an 'alternative' school which means he'd be hard-pressed to name four post-war PMs, but could (if he wished) shear a sheep, card the wool, dye it, and knit it into a pullover. I'm generally accepted to be of above-average intelligence but, in all candour, I'd say he does pretty much everything except pub quizzes and sending blistering complaint letters, better than me. It's why we can't live together. Interestingly, we scored almost the same on a Wonderlick Test, I guess because I'm good with words and he's much more visual. And we both scored far higher than Trump's buddy Tom Brady, who is supposed to be one of the brains of the NFL, bless his heart.

In my younger days I'd only date someone seriously if they could beat me at chess. Showing my age but does anyone else remember coffee shops and pubs having chessboards?

I've set that aside now but I couldn't deal with small mindedness rather than stupidity. The wholesale acceptance of the various 'isms trumpeted by the tabloids; a lack of awareness of the wider world. I just find it grating, read a bit, form your own opinion.

I had a boyfriend who was more intelligent. He sometimes had to explain the words he was using to me, which was embarrassing, but then I wouldn't have wanted to be with someone who on purpose chooses easy words for me either. In general, I think I got more out of it than him and I'd probably always prefer to be the less intelligent one.

@UnaCorda yes I think you're correct, top 2%. DH has a MENSA card that sometimes sees the light of day during a house move. I didn't know he was a genius until we moved in together and I saw it.