To feel a bit 'icky' after seeing partners internet history?

[IfIWasAFlowerGrowingWildAndFre]

When using DPs phone yesterday I went to close some of the open pages on the internet and noticed one of them was porn. Now, I dont usually have an issue with porn, and whilst it's not something DP chooses to discuss with me, I am aware he watches it. The title of the particular video was something along the lines of 'dad watches daughter fuck stepmom'. Though I didnt look in depth I'm fairly certain it was more a role play scenario rather than incest, but given I am a 'stepmom' to his DD it feels pretty grim knowing he's getting off on that sort of thing.
A nosey through his internet history would suggest he watches that particular 'genre's often, and as I can see the times hes visited these sites, hes watching it whilst telling me he is going for a nap during the day (too tired to come to the park with me and DD, but not too tired for a wank),or late at night when he is downstairs 'relaxing' rather than coming to bed with me. He is often too tired for sex, and we dont have a great sex life anymore so it's a bit of a kick in the teeth.
Aibu to tell him what I've seen and that I'm uncomfortable with it?

@araiwa

Its shorthand for older woman and younger woman

Nowt to do with actual incest

Stepson brother son etc - younger man
Dad uncle step dad etc older man

hmmm....... gosh If only there was another way to describe older woman and younger woman then...

... like 'older woman and younger woman'.

Sorry, but I don't buy that using daughter and step mum is anythig other than promoting incestual fantasies.

And that you are taking his daughter out to the park while he finds excuses to stay home and have a wank (when presumably she’s with her mum the majority of the time) is also reprehensible.

I'm very open about porn use and stuff. But I dont think it is indicative of real life fantasies.
Think of our non porn film tastes. I would not like to take part in a horror film but I love watching them.

Regardless of the type of porn, although I agree grim, his usage is having a negative effect on your relationship. So even if people want to defend porn and the genre, that is something to talk about seriously asap. Porn addiction ruined my marriage.

@user8558

I was once told by a man, that any father who claims he doesn't secretly want to have sex with his teenage daughter is a liar.

Now, I know this isn't true. But I think it might be perhaps quite shocking to know just how many men think this kind of shit.

I think that man who told you that either had a particular fetish or was a paedo, and assumes a lot of other people are the same. They're not.

When you're enjoying a horror film you're not actively getting off and orgasming on the fantasy of bludgeoning someone with an axe though. At least I hope not.

He has his DD 50/50. He works 45 hours a week, but very odd hours hence having naps sometimes. I dont begrudge him a nap if hes tired... a wank is a bit different though.

Sorry OP, the subject matter is vile enough as everyone has said, but bigger picture he's also choosing to watch porn over engaging with family life and choosing to watch porn over being with you. He's a pathetic specimen and you deserve so much better.

Totally agree @Nottherealslimshady. All sorts goes through our minds when we're turned on. By it's very nature it can get pretty pervy. It's so reductive to say that because someone watches porn with X or Y in it, that's what they want to do in real life. You can't judge people like that. Well, you can if you want, but who are all these people with super-clean sex fantasies? I've never met one and I'd suspect they're fibbing anyway.

Ugh. I feel sick reading that. He'd be out of the door.

Personally, porn in and of itself isn't something I get worked up by. I don't like it personally, and I'd rather DH didn't watch it, purely for the sake that nobody can know of those women have actually given consent. He doesn't watch it often, but he does sometimes, and I can accept that because I understand that I can't control another person.

However, this would make me uncomfortable. If it was just one video or even a couple, I'd say he had just clicked it and the title doesn't actually mean anything. But every video? And actually searching it? No, sorry, that would make me extremely uncomfortable. I don't think I'd be able to look at him the same.

Either way, it doesn't matter what anyone else things about porn, this is about what you think. If something is a dealbreaker for you, or makes you uncomfortable, then that's it really. You have every right to your own boundaries and standards in any relationship.

I'd talk to him about it, but I can't imagine you'll get much of an answer out of him, or the truth for that matter. It does seem really strange and icky to me though.

wot SmileyClare said.

infact ive been feeling nauseous all day (unrelated to this thread of course) but now ive read this thread i think i am going to throw up

I think regardless of the material hes watching the porn use has become an issue, asit now damaged your self worth and sex life.it wont improve,it never does, you may even like many women I know do stuff sexually to try and win him back which you shouldn't have too. It's over

It's so reductive to say that because someone watches porn with X or Y in it, that's what they want to do in real life. You can't judge people like that

By watching porn, they are potentially watching the filmed abuse of women or girls, in real life. I’ll judge them for that.

@SmileyClare

When you're enjoying a horror film you're not actively getting off and orgasming on the fantasy of bludgeoning someone with an axe though. At least I hope not.

But horror films aren't sexual fetishes. Like I get what you're trying to say, but it isn't really the same thing is it?

I couldn't be with someone who watched this kind of stuff.

Probably not the best person to ask as I’d rather be (and I’m fully prepared to be) single for the rest of my life than have a relationship with a man with a porn habit. I’m 100% against it.

However, even the most liberal/not arsed about exploitation and abuse of people surely would have a massive problem with this particular fantasy given your own family set up.

It’s especially sick.

I imagine you’re entirely desensitised Just.

Beg to differ Smile each day more the opposite!

I remeber many years ago whilst out in the middle of Saudi Arabia of all places there was a construction camp there and most nights they had this outdoor cinema and they occasionaly showed some Indian porn films based on stories from the Karma Sutra and the like.

Very explicit and detailed and quite romantic in its way but that was a world apart from the crap thats on these sites these days. Yes the audince was very appricative and applauded!

All male adudince buit i don't think any woman who saw that would have been offended. A world apart ferom the money grabbing crap that is on the net these days!

It is grim yes, though it doesn't mean he's fantasizing about seeing you with his DD.

I watch porn occasionally and what I watch bares no resemblance to my preferences irl.

Just.

Its not about the "money grabbing crap"

Its the fact that (I wish not but suspect) a lot of men in society in their heads end up watching this and it sows the seed in their minds that yup, a sexual relationship with a 12 year old is fine - its become normalised.

urrrggghhh
just gross.

Of course some people think the karma sutra can be seen as romantic (horses for courses)

but repeated porn consumption about sex with a minor can only be..... what it says on the tin.

how sad that so many mothers feel horrified by this (esp if they have daughters) and so many men just think "meh" its just the theme of the film "American Beauty" and means I can fantasise about screwing all my teenage daughters female school friends all day long.

nope.

He is turned on by incest. I'm sorry, but you need to ltb.

I'm a porn prude,

So am I.

I think that porn, like violence is both corrupting and builds up "tolerance" so that people who watch it regularly need it to become more and more extreme in order to get a thrill. It is desensitising. This is what has caused the porn industry to seek increasingly extreme forms.

I would be shocked and horrified if I found stuff like this on DH's computer - it would disgust me and I doubt I even share a house, let alone a bed, with him.

@SmileyClare

How can continually looking up porn involving father/daughter not be about incest? That's exactly the fantasy. How fucked up that people find it acceptable.

more fucked up that people take the time to defend it

Porn is an absolute deal breaker for me - i think it contributes to the abuse and degradation of women as a class, it’s often abuse and rape of the individual women and girls involved. It’s heavily linked to trafficking and other situations where women are prostituted

The titles he’s picked suggest something about how he views women and girls and family relationships

This. I’d be ending it.

It's so reductive to say that because someone watches porn with X or Y in it, that's what they want to do in real life. You can't judge people like that

Thinking about child abuse is what gives this man an erection.

Sorry, but I will judge someone like that.