To feel so fed up people feel sorry for me I only have boys?

[Isit2021yetplease]

Just that really - I’ve got two DS. They are amazing - and completely chalk and cheese from each other. Whether I wanted girls or not is irrelevant- the fact is I have 2 amazing boys and you get what you get!
I’ve had so many passing comments from people with things like “I’d be so dissapointed not to Have a daughter” “so you’re going for number 3 to finally get a girl?” “How did you feel when the second was a boy?”
I don’t know what they hope to gain from it - that I’ll say - yes I’m gutted I don’t have a girl? Thanks for bringing it up?
If I was hoping for a girl all they do is reenforce the disappointment, and it I wasn’t hoping for a girl I don’t see why I have to constantly justify why I’m perfectly happy with my two happy healthy children.

Just needed a rant after a conversation with a friend today (when musing on a 3rd said - oh but would it be worth the risk, what if you got another boy?)
Does anyone else get this?

[minimummum]

I have 2 boys. More than happy with them and not disappointed I didn't have a girl.

[minimummum]

I have 2 boys. More than happy with them and not disappointed I didn't have a girl.

[Scatterlingsofafrica]

I have 3 boys - all teenagers now- and I absolutely adore being a mum of three boys. I cannot imagine what it would be like to have a girl in the family! But when my youngest was a baby my mil said to me once when we were out -“ look at that lucky mother - she has one of each! “ I have never forgotten that and had to restrain myself from asking her which of my beautiful sons she wished had not been born...

[uncomfortablydumb53]

I have 3 sons... I was proudly pushing him taking the others to school when asked if I was disappointed " it was another boy?"
How could I possibly be disappointed
Although they're all boys, each have totally different personalities

[heeblejeeble]

I have 3 boys and my BIL also has 3 boys. A few days after my third was born SIL announced she was pregnant with a girl and that 'the boy curse had been broken'
Thanks for saying my children are curses and your step sons essentially mean nothing to you. I still don't understand why people are so horrid about such trivial things. We decided to have children knowing it was 50/50 boy or girl, it didn't matter either way.

[GlossyCatssMum]

I remember going to MILs house after the 20 week scan with our 2nd. I got "And?" So I responded with "another girl " and in response I got a tut and an eye roll! For years when we were asked if we were having any more we would say no and she would respond with "well you haven't given me a grandson yet" I would just laugh it off as we are having no more. I wouldn't mind but she never makes an effort to see our girls. BIL and his wife had a little boy recently - I secretly wanted them to have a girl as I really don't understand the need for a baby to be boy or a girl just healthy!

[GlossyCatssMum]

I remember going to MILs house after the 20 week scan with our 2nd. I got "And?" So I responded with "another girl " and in response I got a tut and an eye roll! For years when we were asked if we were having any more we would say no and she would respond with "well you haven't given me a grandson yet" I would just laugh it off as we are having no more. I wouldn't mind but she never makes an effort to see our girls. BIL and his wife had a little boy recently - I secretly wanted them to have a girl as I really don't understand the need for a baby to be boy or a girl just healthy!

[GlossyCatssMum]

I remember going to MILs house after the 20 week scan with our 2nd. I got "And?" So I responded with "another girl " and in response I got a tut and an eye roll! For years when we were asked if we were having any more we would say no and she would respond with "well you haven't given me a grandson yet" I would just laugh it off as we are having no more. I wouldn't mind but she never makes an effort to see our girls. BIL and his wife had a little boy recently - I secretly wanted them to have a girl as I really don't understand the need for a baby to be boy or a girl just healthy!

[GlossyCatssMum]

I remember going to MILs house after the 20 week scan with our 2nd. I got "And?" So I responded with "another girl " and in response I got a tut and an eye roll! For years when we were asked if we were having any more we would say no and she would respond with "well you haven't given me a grandson yet" I would just laugh it off as we are having no more. I wouldn't mind but she never makes an effort to see our girls. BIL and his wife had a little boy recently - I secretly wanted them to have a girl as I really don't understand the need for a baby to be boy or a girl just healthy!

[GlossyCatssMum]

Sorry for the numerous posts it kept saying it failed to send!

[LittlemissAWOL]

I have 4 boys and hear shit like this all the time.

Shut quite a few people up when I was pregnant with my 4th and they asked 'were you trying for a girl'
'Well no actually I was on the pill and actively trying not to get pregnant but hey ho' 😂😂

I get told they're all going to grow up and leave me. Well good regardless of their genitalia I would be raising my DC to become independent individuals with lives of their own.

I get 'ahh I bet DH feels left out with all those mummy's boys'
Well actually a couple of them prefer him to me 🤷‍♀️

'Do you not get sick of cars and superheroes?'
Well no I love a good superhero film and cars and I'm not really a girly girl at all so maybe I'm well suited to being a 'boy Mam'

Coincidentally my name means 'leader of men' 🤣

[Miljea]

I had mine in Australia, so, like many on here in the UK would be able to, in Oz, could afford private; thus all my antenatal care was in a private clinic with a consultant obstetrician. A patriarchal Irish bloke 😊

I was an older mum, so opted for amniocentesis for Downs, in order to prepare for the outcome, with both. Was told with DC1, no chromosomal issues, and yes, a boy.

DS1 was born, then, apart from an early MC, pregnant with DC2. Again, amino.

I went to my next appt; and this obstretrician told me no to Downs, so I asked- 'and sex?'... he said, 'Mrs Miljea, you have to demand that I tell you the sex!'... 🧐 To which I said (um)..'Yes, I demand you tell me the sex!'.

He then turned around his family phots, facing him on his desk, of him, his wife, and two sturdy late teenage boys, and said 'You're as blessed as I have been'...'it's another boy'.

I went 'Oh, great!'

Why in gods name would I have had a problem with that?

But I now know how much projection happens, how many people lay their hopes and dreams on how their relationship with their children will be, based on their own experience, and gender stereotypes, and discovered women in my post-natal mums groups still grieving the lack of a girl.

I wouldn't want to had to have parent a girl like me! .... tho, as an aside, I know I would have done a better job than my mum did, RIP. Because I, like I do with my now very young adult sons, recognise there isn't one size, that fits all. That those stereotypes are not chains.

So I didn't fit many girl gender stereotypes, but I was far from wild or confrontational, far from it.

But if my mum had 'wanted a girl' (to merge into those stereotypes), I may have disappointed 😂



.

[autumnboys]

I got it a bit when my three were little and I was accompanied by all three of them everywhere I went. I think people just feel like they need to say something. I used to give them a smile and say earnestly that I found it administratively simpler. Probably happened the most when I was pregnant with ds3, I guess lots of people thought we were hoping for a girl. Don’t remember it really happening after DS3 was 2. Don’t let it put you off.

[notheragain4]

Having two boys is very hard work there’s no denying it. I talk to my mum about her experience of raising my sister and I and it is NOTHING like my life at all. So I understand it. Most people wouldn’t want lots of boys if they had the choice.

I don't get this, how are boys more difficult? I know no different but honestly my boys are a breeze compared to my nieces, barring teaching them to aim in the toilet I don't understand why boys are so inherently different to raise? You can't collectively brand half the population with the same traits.

Please someone tell me why we "have our hands full" because I've never experienced anything that I don't think anyone else does, but I will say I'm quite strict so don't tolerate behaviour I don't like.

[Mawbags]

Gosh I adore my sons so much

YANBU OP

Sorry for anybody listening to this guff

[AngelicInnocent]

I think women get sympathy if they have all boys because the assumption is that they want a girl to do all those girly things with like hairstyles and shopping for pretty clothes.

Similarly, they assume men want boys to do manly things with like playing football and DIY so sympathise with them if they have all girls.

On a mainly female site, I don't think its surprising that more people get sympathy over all boys than do over all girls.

It's totally barmy though, if you get a wonderful baby of any sex you count your blessings and love it.

[CornerOfTheSky]

These type of comments definitely start to ramp up once you have three or more of the same sex children. Definitely more so if it’s all boys. Talking to my all girl mum friends, they are surprised at the comments all boy mums get. All girls is not seen to be as ‘devastating’ a prospect as being a woman with ‘only’ sons.

Comments about having one of each / not needing any more, ‘perfect’ families etc are also hurtful, but at least it’s a positive discrimination of sorts. As a mum of all boys, I’ve never heard my family described positively in these sorts of comments. It’s incredibly hurtful and often happens in front of my children which is just awful.

[WombOfOnesOwn]

I am having son #3, I don't let these things happen so much because I let people know to begin with that I'm over the moon.

If they try the "sympathy" thing anyway, I tell them -- don't feel bad for me, feel bad for #3, he's the one who won't ever have any brand-new clothes without grass stains!

[HazelBite]

I have 4 boys all adults, I also have 3 wonderful DIL's (DS2 is single).
Would I have liked a daughter? Yes probably, has it bothered me that I only had sons, yes, but only when it was constantly pointed out to me how ^unlucky" I was not to have a daughter!!

[justjuggling]

I have two daughters, and because of secondary infertility the youngest is a result of IVF. I was totally stunned by the number of people who knew we’d had IVF and then still made ‘sympathetic’ comments or asked if my exDH was disappointed she wasn’t a boy. We were so thrilled to be able to have a second child it left us bewildered that people thought we’d be bothered if it was boy/girl.

[Redcups64]

I have two girls and never get this about a boy.

My friend has two boys and gets it’s all the time though and complained about it the other day- I obviously didn’t say but she encourages the comments by saying things like “having boys is hard-there so boisterous” and things like “the boys just always want to play with Dinosaurs and superhero’s” giving off the vibe that she would like a stereotypical girl.

Not saying you are doing that, but she is completely unaware she is!

[mintich]

I'm pregnant with my third and I already have a girl and a boy. I've had so many comments like " but you've got one of each, why are you having another" like it was some sort of set I'd been collecting! People are so strange!

[Cazza6474]

I have 5
Someone once said to me they pity me as i will never know the love of a daughter
I disagree im blessed beyond belief

[Lozz22]

@DidgeDoolittle

I have 3 boys. The sympathetic looks and awful comments I received when number 3 was born, sent me over the edge into depression. I felt a terrible failure even though I loved my babies to bits.
My mil was the worst critic. She told me I should get it right next time and have a girl. When you've just had a baby, are hormonal and knackered, it's so upsetting.
I started to dread taking them out in case I got comments.
At the time I knew two other mums with 3 boys. All of us got the same comments and sympathetic looks.
People really need to button it and stop with the looks and comments.

Your MIL does actually realise that it's her DS sperm that determines the sex of the Baby doesn't she?

[Lozz22]

@DidgeDoolittle

I have 3 boys. The sympathetic looks and awful comments I received when number 3 was born, sent me over the edge into depression. I felt a terrible failure even though I loved my babies to bits.
My mil was the worst critic. She told me I should get it right next time and have a girl. When you've just had a baby, are hormonal and knackered, it's so upsetting.
I started to dread taking them out in case I got comments.
At the time I knew two other mums with 3 boys. All of us got the same comments and sympathetic looks.
People really need to button it and stop with the looks and comments.

Your MIL does actually realise that it's her DS sperm that determines the sex of the Baby doesn't she?