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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel so fed up people feel sorry for me I only have boys?

223 replies

Isit2021yetplease · 08/07/2020 19:55

Just that really - I’ve got two DS. They are amazing - and completely chalk and cheese from each other. Whether I wanted girls or not is irrelevant- the fact is I have 2 amazing boys and you get what you get!
I’ve had so many passing comments from people with things like “I’d be so dissapointed not to Have a daughter” “so you’re going for number 3 to finally get a girl?” “How did you feel when the second was a boy?”
I don’t know what they hope to gain from it - that I’ll say - yes I’m gutted I don’t have a girl? Thanks for bringing it up?
If I was hoping for a girl all they do is reenforce the disappointment, and it I wasn’t hoping for a girl I don’t see why I have to constantly justify why I’m perfectly happy with my two happy healthy children.

Just needed a rant after a conversation with a friend today (when musing on a 3rd said - oh but would it be worth the risk, what if you got another boy?)
Does anyone else get this?

OP posts:
elliejjtiny · 08/07/2020 21:36

I have 5 boys so you can imagine the comments I get. I actually wanted ds5 to be a boy as I knew I would get so many comments about "finally getting a girl" if he'd been a girl. Mil keeps telling my nieces that I was desperate for girls like them but all I got was boys. Drives me mad and I worry my boys will pick up on it.

achangeisasgoodas · 08/07/2020 21:38

I have two girls and a friend of mine actually texted me with a picture of her gender scan and it's a girl across it saying 'hit the jackpot' because she had a son already and wanted one of each. Honestly lost a fair amount of respect for her that day!

achangeisasgoodas · 08/07/2020 21:39

Apologies for the multiple posts! Internet issues.

PablosHoney · 08/07/2020 21:40

This might sound soppy but I think there’s something special about having three or more children of the same sex, like a awesome club or something ☺️

AdditionalCharacter · 08/07/2020 21:40

Oh god yes!

The head tilts, the sympathy looks, the 'you won't feel fulfilled if you don't have a daughter'. People are twats.

What I am most fed up with is People telling me how my boys will abandon me for their wives and their families when they marry.

2020iscancelled · 08/07/2020 21:40

I can sort of understand when someone without kids says it - they don’t understand that you love and worship your child regardless of anything - what they look like / their character / disabilities / what they like or dislike.... none of this stuff really matters because of your fundamental love for your child. So I can kind of see before you experience this you could think “oh if i had 2 the same Id be a bit gutted”

But once you’ve had kids I don’t understand how you’d imagine someone would have preferred another child to the one they have....? That’s odd to me.

I have two of the same and it’s just a given that I love them exactly as they are. I wouldn’t want anything to change about them. They are my babies! Would I like another of the other sex, maybe yes, but to suggest I’d have replaced one? Rude and weird

AuditAngel · 08/07/2020 21:43

I had a boy then a girl. People couldn’t get their head around the fact we went for number 3 (We always wanted 3)

HappyBumbleBee · 08/07/2020 21:44

Ben the, done that, bought the t-shirt as they say lol.
I've 3 grown lads 26, almost 19 and almost 17. Had all the comments you are getting, but after a while of me answering that I was blessed they were born happy and healthy etc etc they slowly stopped.

These days it's ME..... I'm the one saying I'm outnumbered - but I love my boys with all my heart and they know that. I've nieces and nephews and tbh I don't know if I would have coped with a girl GrinGrin

HappyBumbleBee · 08/07/2020 21:45

*been there

justanotherneighinparadise · 08/07/2020 21:46

Having two boys is very hard work there’s no denying it. I talk to my mum about her experience of raising my sister and I and it is NOTHING like my life at all. So I understand it. Most people wouldn’t want lots of boys if they had the choice.

Personally though it works brilliantly with my personality. I honestly now couldn’t imagine having a girl and if I were able to have any more kids I would elect to have another boy. It’s just all I know and I’m not a girlie girl at all. Not interested in shopping trips and painting my nails. Don’t want bloody teepee sleepovers and looking at wedding dresses in the future. I had my kids when I was very very old so once they’ve flown I will happily collapse into old age and enjoy seeing them occasionally. It works for us perfectly.

BlitterBug · 08/07/2020 21:46

I had honestly never heard of this preference for girls before reading Mumsnet. I wonder if it's an (over) reaction to the many centuries of favouring male children? Just musing.

I find it a bit creepy to hear people are so invested in the sex of children and am glad I haven't come across this in real life. I have one DS and no-one has ever made a negative comment.

TheFairyCaravan · 08/07/2020 21:46

We've got 2 boys who are now grown up. When DS2 was born we had people comment about it being a shame that he wasn't a girl. How having a beautiful, healthy baby is a shame is beyond me.

I've loved being a mum of boys. They're as different as chalk and cheese but they're best friends and we're a very close family.

FenellaVelour · 08/07/2020 21:49

My mil was the worst critic. She told me I should get it right next time and have a girl.

Did you tell her that the sex of a baby is determined by the sperm, not the egg, so it was her son who “should get it right”?

Horrible attitude to have.

Noworrieshere · 08/07/2020 21:49

My mil came to visit our 3rd newborn son and said how disappointed she was that he wasn't a girl. I took him out of her arms and told her she didn't need to bother with him again, it would be no loss to him, he had plenty of other people who love him.
Dh insists it was just a careless remark but I know she meant it and I've never forgotten it. She's not very interested in him even now and it really is her loss because he's brilliant.

SodOffCovid · 08/07/2020 21:51

I have two boys and I'm over the moon. I'm considering number three and would love another boy but I also get these shit comments from people that assume a third is a last ditch attempt for a girl. Especially my MIL who voiced her disappointments when ds2 was born.

Rosebel · 08/07/2020 21:52

I have just given birth to my 3rd. We have 2 daughters and had a son this time but some of the comments I've had are ridiculous. Oh you don't need to have anymore now you've had a boy and your husband must be so relieved to have a son at last.
Well yes it is my last baby but it would have been if it was a girl too. No my husband is relieved to have a beautiful happy baby.
Its so rude!

MrsMyreton · 08/07/2020 21:54

I have a DD who's 3 and I'm currently pregnant with DD2. When we told my in-laws that we were having another girl, MIL commiserated 'Ohhh that's a shame. If it was a boy your family would have been complete.' Gin

onedayinthefuture · 08/07/2020 21:54

Sophie Ellis Bextor has 5 sons and she looks like she is having a whale of a time with them. I think it's cool being an all boy mum.

funinthesun19 · 08/07/2020 21:56

It’s so rude. I wish people would just STFU at times.

ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords · 08/07/2020 21:56

@PleasePassTheCoffeeThanks

I imagine they are projecting. A friend of mine is pregnant and just told me it is a 3rd boy. I tried my best to look happy for her, congratulate her etc but as someone who always wanted a girl I couldn’t help but feel bad for her. To be clear, I didn’t make any negative comment, told her how her three would end up best friends and I was so happy for her. But I can’t help how I felt, and I think a lot of people feel similarly.
But why do you feel bad for her? You say as someone who always wanted a girl - do you have all boys and are unhappy with them and think having daughters would have been better, or do you have girls and imagine having sons just can't be as good?
ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords · 08/07/2020 22:01

Just out of interest, has anyone ever had a man make these sort of comments or is it always women?

littlepeas · 08/07/2020 22:01

People are weird. My mum favours girls (she had 2, no boys) and my mil favours boys (2 girls, then dh - we had a ds first and she told us we were really lucky and it took her 3 goes to get her boy...). They’ve both said dickhead things over the years. We had one of each and still went for a third - people didn’t get why and said so. I think some people are just looking for something to say. To the poster who said boys are harder work - that’s not my experience (I have 2 ds and a dd) - dc are all individuals and it is that sort of stereotyping that leads to people saying the sort of stuff people are talking about on this thread.

lemondrizzlehedgehog · 08/07/2020 22:02

I dont' understand this bias against boys, tbh. I mean, both boys and girls have their own different strengths and weaknesses (obviously am speaking very generally as many girls aren't girly etc)

There is no guarantee if you have a girl she woudl enjoy shopping. Or that their mum enjoys shopping either.

Crownofthorns · 08/07/2020 22:03

This makes me so angry. As someone who struggled to have kids - DD5 was conceived via IVF and I miscarried my ‘miracle’ naturally conceived baby last November - any baby is a blessing. If I was lucky enough to have a second I would be over the moon whether I had another girl or boy.

Leflic · 08/07/2020 22:03

@BlitterBug

I had honestly never heard of this preference for girls before reading Mumsnet. I wonder if it's an (over) reaction to the many centuries of favouring male children? Just musing.

I find it a bit creepy to hear people are so invested in the sex of children and am glad I haven't come across this in real life. I have one DS and no-one has ever made a negative comment.

Yes, definite preference for boys in my neck of the woods ( it’s very rugby, outdoorsy town). Everybody seems to have three children, so often a mix of both. Three girls would invite more pity than three boys though.