To feel so fed up people feel sorry for me I only have boys?

[Isit2021yetplease]

Just that really - I’ve got two DS. They are amazing - and completely chalk and cheese from each other. Whether I wanted girls or not is irrelevant- the fact is I have 2 amazing boys and you get what you get!
I’ve had so many passing comments from people with things like “I’d be so dissapointed not to Have a daughter” “so you’re going for number 3 to finally get a girl?” “How did you feel when the second was a boy?”
I don’t know what they hope to gain from it - that I’ll say - yes I’m gutted I don’t have a girl? Thanks for bringing it up?
If I was hoping for a girl all they do is reenforce the disappointment, and it I wasn’t hoping for a girl I don’t see why I have to constantly justify why I’m perfectly happy with my two happy healthy children.

Just needed a rant after a conversation with a friend today (when musing on a 3rd said - oh but would it be worth the risk, what if you got another boy?)
Does anyone else get this?

I have 'one of each'. I occasionally get a pang my son wont have a brother. I'd have loved two boys but I also love what I have. My brother is closer to my own mum than I am, we had a very fraught relationship when I was in my teens and twenties. I get SO cross when people say stuff like this too, boys are fab, girls are fab. Only benefit to having girls that I can see is a far greater choice of clothes!

Oh yes. My three boys are grown up now, but the comments about 'trying again for a girl' were very wearing and didn't stop until I was about 45 and clearly too old for any more

I've loved having three boys, I was never bothered about having a girl.

You should hear the things I get with only having one child! But if we could have another I’d actually want another boy, I don’t get the one of each thing - I’d think it much more preferable to have 2 the same

I have 3 daughters and get this the other way round. When I was pg with DD3 one person commented that my DH must be gutted er no, after 2 miscarriages he's just thrilled we got to the 20 week scan with a healthy baby. Someone else asked me if I would 'try again' this was before she was even born
I love each of my children more than I could ever say. I don't want to swap any of them for a boy. No doubt I would feel exactly the same if they were all boys. Or a mixture.

Very happy to have two boys. When I found out the second one was going to be a boy, from an early scan, my Dad said 'oh that's a shame'!!! He's fairly tactless at the best of times....
It's crossed my mind a few times that I'm the only one in my NCT group who hasn't had a girl, but I genuinely love having two boys and wouldn't change a thing. I also have a niece and am very happy to be able to experience the girly stuff via her.

It's so wrong to comment on what sex baby someone might have in the manner of 'oh you must be disappointed' or 'are you trying for'! I haven't every experienced this though, apart from the original dad comment..

Didn't mean to post twice. Sorry

Yanbu. I have 2 lovely boys and I feel so sad when people assume I’d have preferred ds2 to be a girl. I absolutely didn’t and I am so happy with my 2 boys. My mil makes no secret of the fact she would have loved a girl and was openly disappointed ds2 was a boy and I was quite upset at her reaction and quite fiercely defensive of him. He is more than good enough and I am lucky to have him (and ds1)

I am soon to be ttc dc3 and although I would be happy with either, truth be told I do have an ever so slight preference for another boy but predicting a lot of ‘are you hoping for a girl this time?!’

My friend has just had her third beautiful boy. Some of the comments on the announcement on Facebook were awful 🤬

Yes, I have three boys and used to get it a lot when ds3 was little. The older two are adults now and are very close and will do anything for me. Ds3 looks to be heading the same way. I’m very lucky. However my sister had a girl followed by a boy and had a lot of people congratulating her that she could stop there. When she was expecting no. 3 she had people including her MIL who couldn’t se any reason for a third one. You can’t win!

I get the same comment except I have three girls. I’ve been told girls are horrible, girls are awful that they feel so sorry for me etc.

Three girls here.... my husband is pitied, daily. The sonographer all but apologised to me when announcing my third girl. I don’t pity mothers of boys, as PP said you get what you get, and I think all of us single-gender families have a lot of fun.

I think it's some sort of internalized misogyny (because ime it's always women who react like this, I think men say they'd like a son but when the baby arrives I don't think people "feel sorry" for them to have a DD). Maybe because these women feel a women can't connect with a son because of his sex?

MIL has a 2 DS and 1 DD. ds2 she's mega close to and has him and GF over weekly. DS1 (DH) she s standard close to. I ring her daily with the GCs etc. Her DD she s quite up and down with (mainly the DDs fault as she s a bit mad). Bit of annecdata there!

I think some people in the west are conditioned to think female is the desired sex whereas in other parts of the world males are seen as the preferred sex.

I dont think parents of all girls are asked as much as parents of all boys.

God no, YANBU!

After our gloriously lovely second son was born, all I got from extended family was "will you try again?" and "you must be disappointed."

WHICH ONE OF MY MARVELLOUS BOYS WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO SEND BACK?

People are twerps.

@Serena1977 - I think men are asked. My brother (with daughters) was asked by male relatives wasn't he "gutted not to have a son"

This is absolutely a thing. I have a DS who is the most wonderful child there has ever been and when I got pregnant again I just wanted another boy exactly the same as him. DH has a brother and a sister and is SO close to his brother, and I wanted my DS to have that lovely bond. I’m actually having a girl and have had so many congratulations from people on this as if I planned it or chose it. Obviously I will love her to death but I hate the implication that she is “better” than a boy would have been as it seems offensive to my existing beautiful son!

I think it happens if you have two girls as well but I’ve definitely noticed that in the UK it seems that girls are preferred overall and more than one boy is a problem.

I find this super odd because the mums I know who have multiple boys get this ALL the time but those with multiple girls NEVER do.

Are girls more valued now than boys? Is it that society thinks a woman must be desperate to produce a female? I don’t get why so different!

And then if you have a boy and a girl you get the "no need for any more now you have 1 of each!"
Get that said to me every time some of my relatives visit 😅
You can't win. Enjoy your lovely family! 💙💙

3DS here. I will admit prekids we were opposite a couple with 2 little boys in a hotel restuarant, and i remember thinking imagine that, and feeling sorry the mother that she didn't have a DD. I think it stemmed from the fact I had no brothers and absolutely no experience with little boys.

3DS later I cant believe how bloody stupid I was. I adore my boys and dont feel I'm missing anythinf. But because I had such a stupid opinion once I take others with a pinch of salt and feel sorry for their narrow mindedness.

I think it's the sort of person who also just can't imagine men and women being friends, at all, that imagines a mother can't have a good relationship with her sons. You know, the thick, tedious sort of person.

I have two boys so I know exactly what you mean and it’s fucking irritating.

‘Are you going to try for a girl?’ Erm...no. Because I don’t want three children. And how exactly do I ‘try for a girl’? Idiots.

Someone I know announced the birth of their DD (they already had two DS’s) and someone on fb commented ‘now your family is complete’. Like it wasn’t perfect just having two boys? WTF?

I’ve also had, ‘But if you have another you’ll have a boy!’ And what’s wrong with that?

I even had someone comment that they were so glad they had a girl as boys are such a handful, they don’t stop. In front of me.

The gender disappointment threads are always about finding out they’re having a boy.

My boys are great, they are also like chalk and cheese, because they’re people.

It really does piss me off.

Yes I got this crap when I found out I was having my second son. I really regret sharing the this precious news with people after my scan. Actually got asked if I was disappointed. Lots of excited faces asking 'well what are you having?' Then fallen faces and the 'oh...'
Still infuriates me now.

My MIL cried in dissapointment at my second boy. My friend said 'its such a shame you wont get to be a proper mum' i was a bit confused and she said that mums of boys are sort of caretakers until they get a wife. And many friends insist i must live in a perpetual state of dissapointment. Its so annoying

Dp has 2 sons from a previous relationship and I have 1 daughter from mine. When I informed Mil on the day of my 20 week scan that our 1st child together was a boy her response was oh but dp wanted a girl
Well tough shit.
For the record dp couldn't give a monkeys what we were getting as long as everything was ok