OH thinks I'm not a good mum

[Nahnottoday]

He always says I'm a shit mum he thinks I don't do enough for the kids. I know I'm not a perfect mum. His mum did everything for him as a kid and still does now but she has completely devoted her whole life to her children and grandchildren.

I'm not really like that I love my kids to pieces and I'm grateful for them they've given me purpose.

My house isn't perfect all the time like his mums is, but i don't think I'm a shit mum. I cook everyday look after them obviously before lockdown planned days out take them to nursery ect.

Now I'm sat here questioning myself if I am a shit mum? I see Stacey Solomon doing all these crafts and things and making her kids lunch in different shapes and stuff is that what I should be doing? I don't know.

And what does he do as a father that makes him so qualified to criticise?

What does he do?

LTB

No you're not, doing everything for someone never does them any favours.
Perhaps if your OH could do a better job, leave him to it he can be primary carer instead

Wtf does he do for the kids? He sounds like an absolute asshole. As for comparing yourself to mothers on tv, you have to realise that they live a completely different lifestyle, probably getting all their groceries delivered, plenty of money for good quality pre prepared meals, cleaners, large house and gardens for children to entertain themselves.

such a cruel, nasty thing to say

Sounds like an arsehole, maybe he should go back to his mothers.

I know it breaks my heart, he's gone back to work now so he is expecting me to do everything again and it's causing arguments.

I don't know what else I should be doing to be an amazing mum? Have all my washing done and folded?? I don't know anymore.

And what are his claims to dad of the year, pray tell? What a fucking arsewipe.

Running around after your children every second does not a good mum make. And you can tell his mum's parenting actually could have been better, because she's enabled him to grow up an entitled sexist.*

*"Why is it always a woman's fault when a man grows up a shit?" Yes, I know, the man's views are his responsibility as an adult but I think we have to acknowledge the causative role of parents who coddle children excessively.

Sounds like a nasty piece of shit. Is he?

How horrible.
I'm assuming he is father of the year to be offering up such comments?

Imo doing everything for your kids doesn't necessarily make you a great mum. Part of our job is to teach independence.
I can't remember the last time we did crafts and lunch is what ever we're having ......DS still thinks I'm the best!

His brother is the same as I was speaking to SIL and she said he's always calling her names because the house is sometimes in a mess. But she runs her own business and looks after the kids while he's away at work.

We're not all like his mum and I'm finding it very difficult to live up to his expectations.

Has he actually said it in those words and said why? Are you sitting in front of the tv day ignoring them? Unless he can explain what he means he's just being unhelpful.

Now I'm sat here questioning myself if I am a shit mum

Don't. Take a step back. What he's said is clearly ridiculous so you just ignore it. If he's not the DCs dad, it sounds like it's time to get rid. If he is, what is he doing to be a good dad? And by that I mean equal share of the shitwork and not just swooping in for the fun stuff.

I'm sure you're a brilliant mum. Don't listen to idiots with stupid opinions and don't compare yourself to celebrities with more money and time than you probably have and put all their energies into projecting an image that may or may not reflect their day to day lives.

Are your kids well, fed, clothed and happy? Do they know that you love them? Do they come to you when they need love or reassurance? I suspect that all of the above is the case, and that's down to you being exactly the mum they need. He is most likely jealous because he can see your brilliant relationship with them and wants to take you down a peg or two to make himself feel better. Which is a shitty thing to do.

Well he’s an utter shit isn’t he?
Also he has a totally screwed up image of what a Good Mum is, you could still be still wiping their arses at 16 and be a rubbish mum.
If you love, support and teach (generally I’m not talking home schooling) and try to help them be the best they can most of the time then that’s a pretty good mum. Carving their vegetables into swans means sod all - apart from giving you the opportunity to brag about it on SM

And what makes him Dad of the year?

With all due respect Stacy Solomon gets on bloody nerves, we a snap shot in these peoples lives. No one on insta is perfect don’t compare yourself to fake stuff. The reality is it’s probably taken her 4 hours to get them to paint one rock, baby’s had 5 dirty nappies, puked twice, older 2 have had 3 arguments, she’s cried once, called Joe, checked his SM because she thinks he is liking someone else’s pictures, she’s eaten a sneaky twirl and her smile is as fake as the post.

If we all have agents, money and things life is easy, the real lives of mums are here’s your ipad I’m going outside for 5 minutes if we are even lucky enough to have a garden with an instant coffee.

Just because your kids don’t have a sandwich cut like a car doesn’t make you a bad Mum. If your OH works I’d start making him packed lunches with star shaped sandwiches and fruit kebabs and love heart biscuits with notes made from the kitchen of love just to make a point and embarrass him.

You’re doing fine

What would compel someone who loves you enough to have children with you tell you that you're a shit Mum? Do you think he's trying to shoot you down to make you do more so that he has to do less? Is he manipulative or just a cock?

I wouldn't tolerate being spoken to that way; you know your DC are fed, safe and happy. Frankly if you can tick those three off, you're a great Mum.

You're being bullied and abused. He is a shit dad. You should be questioning if he will change (unlikely).

@Nahnottoday my husband has gone back to work recently too and I'm still on furlough (will be for some time still) and same situation here, although he's not called me a shit Mum. I feel like I'm expected to do everything, deal with everything for the children, cook, clean, trying to decorate while he goes and does what he wants, when he wants. He seems to use any excuse to not be home at the moment. I appreciate it's hard with his business being shut for so long but he seems to have zero appreciation that I have been with our children (1 is ASD) practically 24/7 for months. I think I'm starting to get resentful that he gets that break at work and I no longer do, so that snowballs to the resentment of me doing it all. He says is it any wonder he doesn't want to he home with the mood I've been in lately but fails to see that if he helped me at home, I probably wouldn't be

And also, men who compare their DW's to their Mothers are invariably utter arseholes. Consider that before you let his shitty words hurt you; he's a twat.

Tell him since he thinks his way is best, your handing over XYZ to him to do, door is done how he likes.
The instant he complains about anything , thank him and tell him can he do it then.
Children remember love, and he equates tidy with love.

My job as a mother was to bring up well mannered, kind and respectful children who turned in to independent strong minded adults
This was also my husbands job
What does your husband bring to the party apart from criticism?

No he doesn't really do anything apart from go to work and come back and kick off.

Obviously we're still stuck in the house so to be honest no I haven't done much. We go in the garden get the play dough out let them play in the bath for a bit. Gone on a few walks.

I normally just sit with the kids in the playroom I don't know what else I should be doing. I tidy up soon as I come down in the morning and I do a quick tidy before he comes home.

Just LTB.

It doesn’t matter if he is a good dad (which he probably isn’t). He’s a terrible partner. NO PARTNER SHOULD BE TELLING YOU YOU ARE SHIT.

LTB.