OH thinks I'm not a good mum

[Nahnottoday]

He always says I'm a shit mum he thinks I don't do enough for the kids. I know I'm not a perfect mum. His mum did everything for him as a kid and still does now but she has completely devoted her whole life to her children and grandchildren.

I'm not really like that I love my kids to pieces and I'm grateful for them they've given me purpose.

My house isn't perfect all the time like his mums is, but i don't think I'm a shit mum. I cook everyday look after them obviously before lockdown planned days out take them to nursery ect.

Now I'm sat here questioning myself if I am a shit mum? I see Stacey Solomon doing all these crafts and things and making her kids lunch in different shapes and stuff is that what I should be doing? I don't know.

Adding to that, I also think if that's your DH's definition of a good parent then he needs to clean to his exacting standards! My DH is an Architect and has always been a bit obsessive about clear spaces and minimalist living but frankly when they were little that was quite hard to achieve - easier now. However, he loves to see them creating art and making things so it was never at the children's expense. Importantly, to achieve this ideal it's up to him to do the work. His Mum did encourage him to help with the housework when he was younger so that has always been his norm.

My mum is never did any of the stuff Stacey Solomon does, I didn’t give a crap if my food was in fun shapes or I did crafts when I was little! My mum is the best though because she is kind and I know I can go to her for anything. Forget elaborate meals, cleaning etc. Children just need comfort and love.

Also tell your husband if stuff like that is so important to him, HE can do it

@Lolapusht - I'm so sorry! I missed the tone of your post.

Hi op are they young ages? Maybe he should try a day minding them and see how he gets on.! It is not easy being home.

Wow, he's a fucking asshole with a comment like that.

I take it he finishes work, comes home, plays with kids, helps to clean, cook, do the odd night alone so you can get a nights sleep ect?

Because if he isn't then he's a shit dad.

@reinacorriendo

And what makes him Dad of the year?

With all due respect Stacy Solomon gets on bloody nerves, we a snap shot in these peoples lives. No one on insta is perfect don’t compare yourself to fake stuff. The reality is it’s probably taken her 4 hours to get them to paint one rock, baby’s had 5 dirty nappies, puked twice, older 2 have had 3 arguments, she’s cried once, called Joe, checked his SM because she thinks he is liking someone else’s pictures, she’s eaten a sneaky twirl and her smile is as fake as the post.

If we all have agents, money and things life is easy, the real lives of mums are here’s your ipad I’m going outside for 5 minutes if we are even lucky enough to have a garden with an instant coffee.

Just because your kids don’t have a sandwich cut like a car doesn’t make you a bad Mum. If your OH works I’d start making him packed lunches with star shaped sandwiches and fruit kebabs and love heart biscuits with notes made from the kitchen of love just to make a point and embarrass him.

You’re doing fine

Fantastic post!

DD is 1'DS is 3

He's never actually had the kids all day on his own I've always been here. I would love to see how long he would last.

I do always stick up for my self I ask him how he thinks I'm a shit mum and he just says your not really a good one though are you? The house is a mess sometimes when i come back pile of washing at the top of the stairs ect.

My mum wasn't over the top either. Our home was tidy but she wasn't constantly cleaning up every crumb after us like his mum does.

When I watch Stacey Solomon's instagram I feel exhausted where does she get her energy from?!!

You're obviously a great mum - it's not about food shapes, crafts or perfect house. You love and care for your kids.
You could though try just agreeing "yes, I'm not cut out for this, it'll be better if I carry on with a career/education, and you be a stay at home dad". (or say you're off on a course to learn to do better, book yourself into a nice hotel for a couple of weeks, leave him to be perfect dad to the kids). I know you can't seriously do that, but, it would be nice. . .

I'm sure Stacey Solomon's a great mum too - she always comes across as loving and positive, seeing the best in people (at least on Gogglebox!). But I imagine being a celebrity and having money to pay for things helps (and that that there are downsides to fame)

he just says your not really a good one though are you?

I think this is just plain nasty and you deserve so much better than that @Nahnottoday
What a horrible twat.
Have some and xx

Time to leave him with the kids alone although he would probably promptly take them around to his mums to palm them off!

What's stopping you talking to your SIL?

Hoovering the whole house every day? Insane.

You need to plan how to leave them with him and go out for a walk or just drive somewhere and sit in the car if you've got one. He needs to start finding out what taking care summer f his own children involves.

Do you have a job OP?
In your shoes I’d look to becoming financially independent.

Are you married?

He sounds really nasty and this is affecting your DC, your son will think this is how you treat women.

And non of the instamums lives are like they portray on social media. Those are careful posed snapshots.

My sister used to have a show home, she was a SAHM and had one baby at home and spent her entire day cleaning (not exaggerating).

I clean on weekends when everyone pitches in, and then we all relax.

Your nobody’s skivvy. Your H and his brother are both arseholes.

I think start by deleting Instagram.

If you're a good mum or not has NOTHING to do with folding laundry.

I think there's your answer. Go out early morning. Leave him with the children for the entire day. No prep, no instructions. Come back after bedtime and ask why your socks have not been ironed.

Oh and I have DC 2 years apart. If anybody would have mentioned anything about house not being spotless when the DS were 1 and 3, I would have buried that idiot under the patio.

When he tell someone you you’re not a good mum. Tell him he’s a completely shit dad.

He's abusing you, get out of there. Don't let him cloud your judgement of yourself. Sounds like him and his brother have been brought up with the same mentality on how to treat women.

Op. You are asking yourself completely the wrong questions.

If your husband says to you you're a shit mum, your response should not be to internalise and worry and question whether you are or not. That is deeply deeply sad. It should be to start working out how to leave.

The only problem here is your husband.

I feel so sad for you OP. You and your children deserve better than this

Well, he sounds like a nasty piece of work.

Also, keeping the house clean and being a good mum are not the same thing. My DH is similar to yours in the sense that he will criticise the state of the house. His mum was a SAHM all her life and an absolute clean freak - it’s how she defined herself. We were talking about our respective childhoods the other day and he said ‘my overriding memory of Mum is that she was always cleaning. Whenever you wanted her to play with you or do anything fun she’d say no because she had to do cleaning. Going out anywhere would take forever because she’d insist on cleaning half the house before we left.’

OP the next time he calls you a shit mum reply with 'yeah but you're a shit husband so I guess we're equal, oh mind the washing at the top of the stairs when you go up'

Jeez how do these people actually end up married? Depressing...

Stacey Solomon had Steve-O from Jackass living in her family home for a few weeks, throwing knives in their air and swearing while her children cheered while standing a few feet away. No-one is perfect.

You also have to think of your DS particularly here, he will grow up thinking this is the way to treat a woman. To belittle them and drag them down. Really think about what sort of world your children are growing up in around this volitile specimen