OH thinks I'm not a good mum

[Nahnottoday]

He always says I'm a shit mum he thinks I don't do enough for the kids. I know I'm not a perfect mum. His mum did everything for him as a kid and still does now but she has completely devoted her whole life to her children and grandchildren.

I'm not really like that I love my kids to pieces and I'm grateful for them they've given me purpose.

My house isn't perfect all the time like his mums is, but i don't think I'm a shit mum. I cook everyday look after them obviously before lockdown planned days out take them to nursery ect.

Now I'm sat here questioning myself if I am a shit mum? I see Stacey Solomon doing all these crafts and things and making her kids lunch in different shapes and stuff is that what I should be doing? I don't know.

Tell him if he thinks you’re doing a bad job, maybe you should go for a break. Leave him with the kids and please go to a friend or family members house. Or a hotel!

I'm guessing you're a SAHM? Is that your choice or his?

He's never actually had the kids all day on his own I've always been here.

This is the problem. He thinks childcare is easy because he's never had to do it. Your oldest is 3yo - have you never had a day off that whole time?

Call up one of your best mates right now, and ask if you can come visit today for a sleep-over. Tell your DH he needs to walk in your shoes this weekend, and leave him to it.

And call SIL one day for a chat. Nothing stopping you.

I dont think making him look after the DC for any length of time on his own will change what he thinks.

It's not about you not being able to do it, or him being able to do it. It's the fact that his DM CAN. Therefore no matter how hard he sees you working to achieve that insane level of housekeeping, you will never be good enough next to his mum.

Tomorrow put toddler in bed with him and start vacuuming under the bed. See how long his lie in lasts.

Repeat every time you’re up.

May as well start cleaning as soon as your up, it’s what he wants isn’t it. He can’t complain.

He sounds like an utter shithead and I’m sorry that he’s made you doubt yourself and your abilities as a mum. My house is a state 95% of the time. My little one is fed and watered, and has clean clothes every day. I make him breakfast and lunch from scratch (all simple stuff) and he has a toddler ready meal 6/7 days a week for dinner, with veg.
We go out for a little walk every morning and have a bit of telly time before lunch. Then we have some ‘quiet time’ with some books and blocks for an hour and then we’ll play in the garden, and/or do some colouring, crafty stuff (mostly wrapping boxes in foil and sticking stickers and bits onto them - he loves robots at the moment) and then finish up with some more building with blocks, dancing to music and telly time before dinner at 5 - then it’s bath and bed and he’s asleep at 7. I’m due my second in about 7 weeks time. My husband always tells me I’m a wonderful mum even when we’ve had a bit of a tricky day. He works full time and after work each day does more than his fair share of housework and child raising duties - playing with our little one, bath and bed every night etc. We are a team, and you deserve to feel like you’ve got your husband on your side too, like I have. If he’s not on your side - what is the point?

So basically, he's saying you're not a good cleaner!

His mum/ parents can't be that great as they've raised entitled, unkind men who treat their wives like shit. Raising children is so much more than keeping a tidy house.

You are not a shit mum. He, however, is a complete arsehole.

You really need to leave this pathetic excuse of a man. I can tell just be your posts that you are depressed. Of course you are a great mum. My kids play way too much computer games, but I know I'm a fab mum. I left their emotionally abusive father 3 years ago. I too felt like a shit mum. He didnt say I was but when I said it he'd never say no, you're great. 3 years without that fucker, I have my self respect back and know I'm a great mum. Much better now as im not utterly depressed. Please leave him. Please. He is an absolute piece of shit. You deserve so much better.

He’s a shit dh to make you feel like a shit mother!! I think the fact that your worried about being a shit mother makes you a good one! because if you weren’t you wouldn’t be bothered to question it.

If you feel you need to do more then do more but you are your own person and you don’t have to try and be a copy of your mil.

I hope today has gone better for you, OP.

You really need to make some changes. He's an awful husband and a bad father.

This is an abusive relationship. His shit hot mother clearly didn't do that great a job because she raised two wastes of oxygen as sons.

GET RID.

His mum/ parents can't be that great as they've raised entitled, unkind men who treat their wives like shit. Raising children is so much more than keeping a tidy house.

This.

His lack of self awareness is unreal.

Oh to have the confidence of a mediocre man...

Hope you feeling better this week

I was married to a man like this once. Nothing I ever did was good enough. He even blamed me for my 13-week miscarriage. It took all my strength but I left him and DD1 and I were so much happier. I felt FREE. You need to do the same OP, he will never change and in fact he will get worse as time goes on. He will wear you down until you don't know which way is up, this is what happened to me. Plus what example will it give your children as time goes on?