So embarrassed by friends. AIBU to ask them to leave tomorrow morning?

[Rebecca980]

Our friends - a gay couple - who we have been close with for the last 15 years came over to stay. They have had one set of parents, a sister, her baby and their two dogs staying with them for two weeks whilst they wait to move into their new place. They needed a break so we said they could come and stay with us for a few days. They are in our ‘bubble’. We’ve both recently moved from London to the south coast close by - which was a decision we made together really.

DH and I have been friends with them for years. Before DD came along and we were married. We’ve had wild times - but we’ve all grown up....or so I thought.

They arrived with bottle of vodka in tow. It lasted them about an hour until they pulled out another and it went.

We have made friends with our neighbours since we Moved here and have made an active effort to try and integrate ourselves in our new area and street.

I am SO EMBARRASSED by their behaviour this evening. It’s like they regressed to us being 20 again.

By the time DD went to bed, they were screaming in the garden, swearing (C word at the end of almost every sentence), trying to talk to neighbours over the fences. They also love ‘shock values - which was funny when we were kids but really isn’t now and they reverted straight back to it.

I’m embarrassed our neighbours have heard them and worried how it reflects on us. I’m sure they could also hear us trying to sort them out.

I’m also annoyed at DH a little as I was trying to get them inside but was getting no support in that.

Some of the things they were shouting have left me unable to sleep and worried about how it reflects.

They have hearts of gold, and DD adores themes Bhave always been terrible drunks. I don’t actually like being drunk so maybe this has been exasperated because I wasn’t drinking....

I get they were excited as they had a much needed little break from a stressful time, but I really am thinking of asking them to go back tomorrow rather than staying any more days. AIBU? And how should I approach this with the neighbours? Just a quick sorry next time I see them?

They’ve also broken a few bits in the house by falling into them.

Both DH and I are pretty mortified. But also know they’ve been stressed and want to give them an opportunity to unwind.

Some members of my exes family were loud, the swearing made your hair stand on end

I'm not precious, I like a laugh etc, but shouting and swearing (in the garden) is a complete no no for me. I used to try and keep them inside!

It is wholly inappropriate, distasteful and disrespectful imho, you've every right to feel embarrassed, after all its a reflection on you isn't it?

As lovely as they may be, I'd be keeping a distance I'm afraid.

@Rebecca980

I think that's a good plan. Have a glass of wine before your SD cocktail party first (!).
Perhaps it will be a funny story to share with your neighbors for years to come...?
Best of luck!

I don’t Think u should be embarrassed - sounds like they may have provided a break in the tedium and monotony! I’d not let a one off like this cause a problem. I’d give them another chance. And perhaps they could apologise to the neighbours if I think it’s necessary.

Really enjoying the OP completely ignoring all "that's not a bubble" mentions 😂👌

@Euclid Seriously? I won’t get into an argument with you...but I’m far from homophobic. You don’t know me. I could have phrased it or explained it a little better - granted - but don’t assume.

sounds like they may have provided a break in the tedium and monotony!
Are you for real?

@IhateBoswell not ignoring. Just irrelevant. I’ve actually Acknoweldged my understanding - and appreciate I may have misunderstood. To be fair....it’s not exactly clear...! Government need better comms people ;)

Ok, they swore, they were loud, they passed out by 10pm. It's not that bad. Either your neighbours didn't really notice, or they did notice and therefore saw/heard that it wasn't you but some guests.

It's a one off, it wasn't late. I wouldn't worry too much.

They definitely owe you an apology though!

@wildone84 Thank you xx

I think I would let this one go, but I probably wouldn't ever invite them over for a drinking session at yours again. Your neighbours will forget over time. If you feel it is appropriate you could go and apologise to your nearest neighbours.

I would be finding new friends. Having drinks and relaxing is one thing, being complete and utter drunken arseholes whilst visiting your home, with a child present, no less, is fucking ridiculous behaviour.

@Aquamarine1029 DD was in bed by the time they got raucous. Which I think is why DH wanted to keep them outside. A bit of a catch 22 we found ourselves in!

Sorry, but screeching "No, you cunt" at a neighbour who asked them to be quiet is appalling. You really do have some apologising to do op, unless you don't mind being assumed to be as rough as a badgers arse yourselves.
Then again, your dh says their behaviour "wouldn't have mattered if you'd been out", so... maybe 🤷🏻‍♀️

Bubbles are to help people who live alone or with children under 18. Not a couple who have another 5/6/7 other families members staying with them making life a bit awkward.

Your friends necked a bottle of vodka each, shouted stuff in the garden and passed out by 10pm. I would suggest they have a drink problem.

@MrsBobDylan Oh! I sort of agree! It’s not they drink constantly, but when they do they go WILD!
They also look after DD and I wouldn’t leave her with them if I thought their drinking was a daily problem. They are fantastic when they have her.

They sound awful - and I don't think I would have acted like this even at the height of my 20-something hedonistic heyday.

I would be apologising to the neighbours profusely.

I suggest you ask them to leave (in a nice way). Then you've killed two birds with one stone, the bubble rule you're breaking (it was perfectly understandable) and your friends being rude.

If these friends give the virus to you or your husband or child you have only yourselves to blame. You knew that they were mixing with others. God spare me from stupid selfish people like you

OK - God spare you from mixing with others.
What are you denying yourself that is making you fling such vitriol at OP?

Sounds like you you feel you have grown up OP and they haven't? Nothing wrong with that, just different life stages. Also they may have thought when they were seeing you it was a bit of a celebration hence the vodka.
I have no objection to the word cunt in conversation but wouldn't shout it in anyone's garden nor say it on front of some people that I know wouldn't like it.

Some neighbours might judge you on the behaviour of your friends, for which you can apologise and don't let the loud swearing and controversial remarks happen again. Some neighbours might judge you on the non-bubble sleepover - just because they don't openly say it doesn't mean they don't think it.

As for this Just irrelevant. I’ve actually Acknoweldged my understanding - and appreciate I may have misunderstood. To be fair....it’s not exactly clear...! Government need better comms people ;) you're insulting your own intelligence if you only may have misunderstood, are you sure you're not a politician?

@StrawBeretMoose HAHA! I’m not a politician. I work in PR though - which is basically the same these days....lol.

No need to ask them to leave and ruin a friendship. I would just tell them to tone it down, in relation to the neighbours. I'd explain they are in a more conservative area, one where you will continue living when they go home, and you would prefer to be on good terms with all your neighbours.

I have two family members diagnosed with Covid. They are doing great!
My family members with serious MH issues? Dead.
Ask me what (genetically transmitted) disease I am more worried about?

I wouldn't worry about your neighbours. They will get over it. Its not like it was you doing it.
It sounds as if you still like them and don't want to end the friendship, could you talk to them about it when they are sober and just explain exactly how it made you feel and also to your DH (separately) as he didn't support you either.
They were guests in your house and you constantly asked them to tone it down and stop and they continuously ignored you and your DH didn't back you up either.

The general idea being that you were being an uptight party pooper so it was OK to ignore you. It wasn't.
They were being childish and inconsiderate and its hard to "have fun" when people are doing that.
You've grown up and got responsibilities and they haven't. That doesn't make you a party killer.
Its not fun or friendly to treat you like that and whilst they probably didn't mean any harm , you need to tell them or it will fester.
It might be that explaining this to them calmly and suggesting that if they want to let their hair down with you, it could be done in a different situation, at their house in the hearing of their neighbours for eg. they may well understand and you can continue to be on good terms.

@DamnYankee Bless you. One of my brothers (both gay actually - although probably a homophobe for saying that wink) also has an MH condition that makes me far more worried than Covid. And I’d have him staying here in a minute if he was closer.