So embarrassed by friends. AIBU to ask them to leave tomorrow morning?

[Rebecca980]

Our friends - a gay couple - who we have been close with for the last 15 years came over to stay. They have had one set of parents, a sister, her baby and their two dogs staying with them for two weeks whilst they wait to move into their new place. They needed a break so we said they could come and stay with us for a few days. They are in our ‘bubble’. We’ve both recently moved from London to the south coast close by - which was a decision we made together really.

DH and I have been friends with them for years. Before DD came along and we were married. We’ve had wild times - but we’ve all grown up....or so I thought.

They arrived with bottle of vodka in tow. It lasted them about an hour until they pulled out another and it went.

We have made friends with our neighbours since we Moved here and have made an active effort to try and integrate ourselves in our new area and street.

I am SO EMBARRASSED by their behaviour this evening. It’s like they regressed to us being 20 again.

By the time DD went to bed, they were screaming in the garden, swearing (C word at the end of almost every sentence), trying to talk to neighbours over the fences. They also love ‘shock values - which was funny when we were kids but really isn’t now and they reverted straight back to it.

I’m embarrassed our neighbours have heard them and worried how it reflects on us. I’m sure they could also hear us trying to sort them out.

I’m also annoyed at DH a little as I was trying to get them inside but was getting no support in that.

Some of the things they were shouting have left me unable to sleep and worried about how it reflects.

They have hearts of gold, and DD adores themes Bhave always been terrible drunks. I don’t actually like being drunk so maybe this has been exasperated because I wasn’t drinking....

I get they were excited as they had a much needed little break from a stressful time, but I really am thinking of asking them to go back tomorrow rather than staying any more days. AIBU? And how should I approach this with the neighbours? Just a quick sorry next time I see them?

They’ve also broken a few bits in the house by falling into them.

Both DH and I are pretty mortified. But also know they’ve been stressed and want to give them an opportunity to unwind.

[Marsalimay]

What is “shock values humour”? It’s the values but I don’t get.

[MeridianB]

@ThePants999

Sorry to go off topic so quickly, but you have thoroughly misunderstood the "bubble" rules. They should not be visiting you, and their assorted family members should not be visiting them, and DEFINITELY not both!

This with bells on.

[CodenameVillanelle]

Not sure what OP thinks a bubble is if her friends have their own family staying at their house

Anyway the point is that you should probably have made it clear from the outset that you don't drink like that anymore and your husband definitely should have helped you get them inside, and you should apologise to the neighbours and tell your friends that you would love them to finish their stay but they can't get drunk like that again

[Iwonder08]

OK, your friends who you know for many years got drunk and were embarrassing.You did have parties together, they might have assumed you will be fine with one night of heavy drinking. You want to kick them out because the neighbours might think wrong of you?!
You are not a good friend and you have your priorities in a wrong place.

[TJ17]

@Euclid

OP I fear for this country when people like you and presumably your stupid husband and friends don't read the rules.

My medical friends, who have been through so much, fear that this country is going to get a surge in the virus because so many people have started to ignore the rules. OP, you, your husband and the friends prove the point. If these friends give the virus to you or your husband or child you have only yourselves to blame. You knew that they were mixing with others.

God spare me from stupid selfish people like you.

You were homophobic when you said that your friends are gay. Who cares? Would you say that they are black? I hope not but if you say that they are gay then you are homophobic just like you would be racist if you said that they are black.

Congratulations to you my friend - you've just made it onto the thread Most OTT responses on MN 😂

They've been close friends for over 15 years and they invite them to stay in their home - yeah Homophobic 😂
And whilst we are at it let's just throw in that they are racist too 🤷🏼‍♀️😂😂

[ThickFast]

If I heard that I’d probably try to make friends with you. I also now live in suburbia and always try to spot the people who used to have that kind of partying fun when they were younger. So many people I feel like I can’t talk about my pre kids life coz I might be judged. If they woke the kids, however..... you know how that makes you feel these days.

[chancechancechance]

I am not sure why you are so worried about what your neighbours think of your friends for swearing, but not worried what they think of you for not following the current lockdown restrictions!

I think you will have made yourself look 'bad' if you have the type of neighbour that notices and cares, it seems like you think you do.

[BenScalesIsAGod]

If I were your neighbour I would be really annoyed about the blatant rule breaking regarding covid. It’s really not that difficult to understand the rules. The swearing is also disgusting and shows a complete lack of respect for others.

[TwinklyTwinkle]

Can't believe how much flack you're getting over misunderstanding the bubble and having a couple of friends to stay, when everyone can now go to Primark and other non-essential shops, catch the virus and spread it anyway!! Let's be honest, a second wave is inevitable!

I wouldn't worry too much OP, I'd either send your friends round to the neighbours to apologise today, or go round yourselves after they've gone! It's not worth losing a friendship over, just keep them inside next time

[Iggly]

I fear for this country when people like you and presumably your stupid husband and friends don't read the rules

Blame Boris for his ridiculous guidance and ridiculous decisions to announce changes well in advance, confusing things.

If Boris gives the thumbs up for his advisor to drive to test his fucking eyesight, don’t be surprised if people get confused. Or ignore the rules.

[YellowandGreenToBeSeen]

Dear God, the pearl clutching on here over people staying on Wednesday night when a) the rules change in 3 days and b) the government proved they give zero shits about said rules by announcing the change 2 weeks in advance. Do you really think they weren’t advised by behavioural scientists as to the potential of this? They knew people would break ranks before the 4th and cared not. Truly, what difference does 3 days really make?!

OP, give them a ribbing this morning. Make them feel sheepish and give them The Fear. The text to the neighbours idea is great. Don’t lose a friendship over this.

As an aside, responses like many on this thread fascinate me. I’d love to know who the Pearl Clutchers are in real life. Fascinating.

[yearinyearout]

You were homophobic when you said that your friends are gay. Who cares? Would you say that they are black? I hope not but if you say that they are gay then you are homophobic just like you would be racist if you said that they are black.

What a totally ridiculous statement.

[LakieLady]

Assuming you all moved to Brighton, I really doubt the neighbours are going to be a problem... unless you moved to Hove, in which case you Only Have Yourselves to Blame

This made me lol, and it's so true!

Just apologise on their behalf, OP, and tell them you are now mortified and will never be able to look your neighbours in the eye again.

[kitschplease]

If I were your neighbour I'd be much more concerned about you breaking lockdown rules and potentially contributing towards my town being put on an extended local lockdown than hearing some randoms shouting cunt in the garden.

The rules on bubbles are really clear, OP.

[ZazieRosie]

Ah, you’ve blown it now. Better just move.

[StealthPolarBear]

I would love to know your understanding of the bubble rules op!

[AnneOfQueenSables]

The bubble comments are relevant because it might also affect how your neighbours view you. You're the new neighbours who brought loud, drunk, sweary people to stay and broke the rules during a pandemic. You have a lot to fix and apologise for.

[Lobelia123]

@Gunpowder

Bubble thing aside, I would text the neighbours you are worried about in the morning. Something like: ‘I know our old friends were very loud and rambunctious in the garden last night. I really hope they didn’t disturb you too much. I’ve given them a stern talking to this morning!’ Then give your friends a stern talking to about not shocking suburban neighbours, a final warning and a coffee when they wake up. Don’t lose a friendship over it.

I think this is great advice. Its almost certain the neighbours would have heard them - some may have found it funny, others may have been a bit offended . . . in any case the right thing to do is to just apologise, but equally no need to go all suburban outrage on them, a dignified and sincere sorry is perfect and then let it drop. If theyre nice human beings they'll have a laugh and then get over it. And yes....dont lose a friendship over it. I get that youre older now with a different life, but the joy of life is embracing all parts and aspects of it. Your life would be very one toned in a Hyacinth Bucket kind of way if you purposely avoided anything not stricly by the book :)

[OverTheRainbow88]

Personally I wouldn’t fall out with friends I’ve had for years over it! Maybe in the evening keep them inside for now!

Not sure of the relevance of mentioning them being a gay couple though!

[Saracen]

Do I understand right that they are well enough behaved when not drunk? If so, then the way to prevent problems like this is to lay down the law about drinking when they visit you. By the time they started shouting in the garden, it was likely too late. Any promises they might have made would be forgotten, and their behaviour was impossible to manage.

I don't think you should ask them to leave. You are very fond of them. You could tell them that for the rest of this visit, and next time they visit, they are to hand over to you any alcohol they may have brought along. Then you can dole it out to them as required. You probably know, or can soon figure out, how much booze is enough for a good evening and how much will push them over the edge. Stop serving them when you think they've had enough.

Normally this sort of restriction might seem quite rude in a host. But they were INCREDIBLY badly behaved last night and they should recognise that and accept that you need to be strict in order to prevent another occurrence.

[Movinghouseatlast]

The neighbours will think badly of you ignoring lockdown rules rather than people being pissed.

Why do you think it is ok that both you and they have been breaking the rules? They should not have had people in their house. You do understand that the economy is tanking because the virus is still spreading and people are still dying? The virus is spreading because people like you break the rules.

[CluelessBaker]

How is it that five pages in posters still think it’s necessary to explain bubbles. You don’t need to make the exact same point as fifty previous posters.

OP, yanbu - it’s totally disrespectful to drunkenly shout and carry on in someone else’s garden, not least if those shouts can be perceived as anti-Semitic. I would tell them they can only continue to stay if they agree not to drink while they’re with you.

[Theresapossibility]

You work in PR and couldnt interpret the bubble rules... even though they were clear.

Or did you deliberately misinterpret and claim ignorance to get round it?

[userxx]

You aren't the thread Police. There is a pandemic still going on despite what some people think and behave like.

Oh FFS 🙄

Yes they behaved like idiots and they should apologise, but I wouldn't ask them to leave. If they want to stay they need to stick to your rules.

[ittakes2]

Just text your neighbours an apology and talk to your friends about it not happening again. Lots of people are stressed and are likely to accidentally get more over excited at socialising. Honestly these people have been friends with you for 15 years! They made a mistake.
Also, pl don’t be that sensitive about your neighbours. This was a one off - easily forgiven. They know it was not you and your hubby. The issue is if things are repeated - not a one off.