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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So embarrassed by friends. AIBU to ask them to leave tomorrow morning?

411 replies

Rebecca980 · 01/07/2020 23:57

Our friends - a gay couple - who we have been close with for the last 15 years came over to stay. They have had one set of parents, a sister, her baby and their two dogs staying with them for two weeks whilst they wait to move into their new place. They needed a break so we said they could come and stay with us for a few days. They are in our ‘bubble’. We’ve both recently moved from London to the south coast close by - which was a decision we made together really.

DH and I have been friends with them for years. Before DD came along and we were married. We’ve had wild times - but we’ve all grown up....or so I thought.

They arrived with bottle of vodka in tow. It lasted them about an hour until they pulled out another and it went.

We have made friends with our neighbours since we Moved here and have made an active effort to try and integrate ourselves in our new area and street.

I am SO EMBARRASSED by their behaviour this evening. It’s like they regressed to us being 20 again.

By the time DD went to bed, they were screaming in the garden, swearing (C word at the end of almost every sentence), trying to talk to neighbours over the fences. They also love ‘shock values - which was funny when we were kids but really isn’t now and they reverted straight back to it.

I’m embarrassed our neighbours have heard them and worried how it reflects on us. I’m sure they could also hear us trying to sort them out.

I’m also annoyed at DH a little as I was trying to get them inside but was getting no support in that.

Some of the things they were shouting have left me unable to sleep and worried about how it reflects.

They have hearts of gold, and DD adores themes Bhave always been terrible drunks. I don’t actually like being drunk so maybe this has been exasperated because I wasn’t drinking....

I get they were excited as they had a much needed little break from a stressful time, but I really am thinking of asking them to go back tomorrow rather than staying any more days. AIBU? And how should I approach this with the neighbours? Just a quick sorry next time I see them?

They’ve also broken a few bits in the house by falling into them.

Both DH and I are pretty mortified. But also know they’ve been stressed and want to give them an opportunity to unwind.

OP posts:
Ormally · 03/07/2020 20:51

So you didn't want your own DD hearing the effing and blinding, but you are fine with your neighbours (and their youngish kids, probably) having the benefit from the space of your garden, and with someone being offensive when asked to be quiet?
Nice.
If you're new to the area, how would your neighbours know that you're not going to do this every Friday? Oh hang on, Tuesday or Wednesday, from your original post. So in the middle of the work week.
Even better.

Nanalisa60 · 03/07/2020 20:52

Thisismytimetoshine

No you are completely wright you are never going to wise up!!

QueSera · 03/07/2020 21:14

bubbles are based on households - from my understanding. And they can stay overnight.

No - bubbles are for single people, or single parents.
Currently households are NOT allowed to stay over at other people's houses. YABVU to break the lockdown rules.

Justdoitmumma · 03/07/2020 21:42

Gosh and I thought I was being unreasonable not staying in contact with a friend who threw a chair in a busy packed play area. If I didn't let my friends get a little overly tipsy in a safe space I wouldn't have many friends left 😕 and I'd like to think if I got to a bad spot in the evening my friends would coax me to bed and have a fry up ready for me in the morning - that's what friends do. We all can't be prim and proper all the damn time - it's exhausting.

jentinquarantino20 · 03/07/2020 21:53

I haven’t read the whole thing read just yet as I’m getting wound up by the stupid bubble rules. One minute you can have 6 people outside, tomorrow you can go to the pub but don’t enjoy yourselves because it’s against the law.

I get where you are coming from not wanting to upset your neighbours but it’s not a daily occurrence so let it go. Your direct neighbour laughed so it clearly isn’t a problem. Lockdown noise is a thing and it doesn’t bother me so maybe I’m in the minority.

Thisismytimetoshine · 03/07/2020 21:55

Gosh and I thought I was being unreasonable not staying in contact with a friend who threw a chair in a busy packed play area.
Did you really?

Noextremes2017 · 03/07/2020 22:00

Grown adults talking about ‘bubbles’. If we are not careful we’ll be down to Johnson’s level soon.....

Back to topic. As has been said they sound like a-holes!

Celestine70 · 03/07/2020 22:15

I would expect them to go apologise to the neighbours.

Original poster
Rebecca980 · 03/07/2020 22:44

I spoke to the nice neighbours next door.
They said it was funny. Apparently they actually spoke to one of my drunken friends who put his head through a gap in the fence and was talking to them, which I hadn’t realised....they also had some people over. They’d put music on and he was ‘requesting songs’. Good lord.

They seemed fine. Said that it was quite funny but could hear we were getting frustrated with them when it all got a bit much and we were trying to calm them down - it was very much an “we’ve all been there!” type chat.

They are lovely. Their children are around our age and have long flown the nest so I think they quite like having younger people about (we are by at least 20 years the youngest in our little cluster).

And yes, all your bubble talk has been taken on. We’re naughty awful people.

OP posts:
ilikemethewayiam · 03/07/2020 23:06

I’m in a similar position to you OP. We have just moved to a small private estate with Rules around behaviour, cars, parking, dogs etc. It’s an idyllic place to live and the neighbours are lovely. In our ‘previous’ life we had a large group of friends (Historically DH’s circle) who could be quite loud at times outside in the garden. One couple in particular are really sweary and crude. They don’t stop to think about the children in the neighbours gardens despite being reminded. Luckily they’ve shown no interest in visiting as it’s several hours drive so I’m hoping it will stay that way. As much as they are good salt of the earth people, I would be mortified if they behaved like that in my new neighbourhood. Chatting with some of the neighbours since we’ve moved here they have made it clear what sort of behaviour would be frowned upon. We don’t want to be ostracised as the estate revolves around our sport! We’ve been welcomed in with open arms. I dread the day they ask to come stay. I know if I told them no swearing they would probably accuse us of being snobby or even if they didn’t they would forget and revert to type after a few drinks. I can relate to your predicament OP. We will try to visit our friends in their homes whilst visiting family and hope that will keep them from coming to us. Could you do that? Go visit them rather than them come to you?

billy1966 · 03/07/2020 23:24

@ilikemethewayiam

You should NOT indicate any embarrassment at being considerate of your neighbours.
Why would you.
Think hard.
If you feel the least bit embarrassed at being considerate...don't invite them.

If they ask ..tell them exactly how you feel..you wish to be considerate of your neighbours...if they have a difficulty with that....dont invite them.

Some people grow up..others don't...not your problem..

Isthisreallylife · 04/07/2020 00:19

This reply has been deleted

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PickAChew · 04/07/2020 00:22

I call bullshit but they sound pretty tedious if they are true.

Thisismytimetoshine · 04/07/2020 00:23

Up till then I’d been trying to impress the neighbours, no swearing, no shouting, no loutish behaviour etc
Dear God, there are no words... 🤣.

Devora13 · 04/07/2020 01:00

See, some of us old fogeys have lived a bit too and aren't necessarily quite as shockable as you might think 😆
I think I would ask them to be a bit careful with the language around your young child though. It's not nice to hear a little one effing and blinding and if your LO admires them might well be inclined to copy 😏

ilikemethewayiam · 04/07/2020 01:24

[quote billy1966]@ilikemethewayiam

You should NOT indicate any embarrassment at being considerate of your neighbours.
Why would you.
Think hard.
If you feel the least bit embarrassed at being considerate...don't invite them.

If they ask ..tell them exactly how you feel..you wish to be considerate of your neighbours...if they have a difficulty with that....dont invite them.

Some people grow up..others don't...not your problem..[/quote]
@billy1966

You are right of course!. They have not grown up. They are all in their 40’s and 50’s but still act like teenagers. I definitely won’t be inviting them but it will be tricky if they invite themselves. I will cross that bridge when it comes to it!

ClareBlue · 04/07/2020 01:35

@Isthisreallylife quite a bit wrong in your post. Can you get it taken down before people read it

ClareBlue · 04/07/2020 01:42

What surprises me is that nobody has realised that the OP is breaking lockdown. Wait....they have. Thank God for that. Where would we be without helpful posters explaining lockdown rules and again, and again....

Isthisreallylife · 04/07/2020 01:51

ClareBlue ? What is wrong? It is all true

Isthisreallylife · 04/07/2020 01:55

Thisismytimetoshine. ? I don’t see your point? Please be courteous enough as to explain what you mean?

Isthisreallylife · 04/07/2020 01:57

I don’t understand what you’re saying here?

ClareBlue · 04/07/2020 01:58

The continued way you refer to Romanians for a start. Substitute Romanian for black and see how it reads.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 04/07/2020 02:04

Up till then I’d been trying to impress the neighbours, no swearing, no shouting, no loutish behaviour etc

Dear God, there are no words... 🤣.

‘I started shitting in the toilet instead of in the front lawn and everything!’

Inkpaperstars · 04/07/2020 02:10

Your friends sound like middle aged bores who think it's still funny when they behave like drunken students. I suspect they care less for you than you think if they behave like that in your home, and to shout like that at a neighbour is just horrible. They don't know that person, or what they are going through. I think it will be taken as a reflection on you by some who heard it, yes. Perhaps unfairly but that's just how people think.

And yes, all your bubble talk has been taken on. We’re naughty awful people.

You're people who are just coasting on the efforts of others, hoping to benefit from the sacrifices they have made. Maybe you'll get lucky, maybe we will all be unlucky and there will be too many hoping to do the same as you. Either way, it's behaviour that isn't helping and will be at best slowing the decline in infection, at worst contributing to a rise. Maybe not in your case...but who knows? No one knows and that's the point. You clearly don't care at all, and that just is what it is.