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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So embarrassed by friends. AIBU to ask them to leave tomorrow morning?

411 replies

Rebecca980 · 01/07/2020 23:57

Our friends - a gay couple - who we have been close with for the last 15 years came over to stay. They have had one set of parents, a sister, her baby and their two dogs staying with them for two weeks whilst they wait to move into their new place. They needed a break so we said they could come and stay with us for a few days. They are in our ‘bubble’. We’ve both recently moved from London to the south coast close by - which was a decision we made together really.

DH and I have been friends with them for years. Before DD came along and we were married. We’ve had wild times - but we’ve all grown up....or so I thought.

They arrived with bottle of vodka in tow. It lasted them about an hour until they pulled out another and it went.

We have made friends with our neighbours since we Moved here and have made an active effort to try and integrate ourselves in our new area and street.

I am SO EMBARRASSED by their behaviour this evening. It’s like they regressed to us being 20 again.

By the time DD went to bed, they were screaming in the garden, swearing (C word at the end of almost every sentence), trying to talk to neighbours over the fences. They also love ‘shock values - which was funny when we were kids but really isn’t now and they reverted straight back to it.

I’m embarrassed our neighbours have heard them and worried how it reflects on us. I’m sure they could also hear us trying to sort them out.

I’m also annoyed at DH a little as I was trying to get them inside but was getting no support in that.

Some of the things they were shouting have left me unable to sleep and worried about how it reflects.

They have hearts of gold, and DD adores themes Bhave always been terrible drunks. I don’t actually like being drunk so maybe this has been exasperated because I wasn’t drinking....

I get they were excited as they had a much needed little break from a stressful time, but I really am thinking of asking them to go back tomorrow rather than staying any more days. AIBU? And how should I approach this with the neighbours? Just a quick sorry next time I see them?

They’ve also broken a few bits in the house by falling into them.

Both DH and I are pretty mortified. But also know they’ve been stressed and want to give them an opportunity to unwind.

OP posts:
FortniteBoysMum · 03/07/2020 17:40

Unless your an adult living alone or a single parent your still not aloud to bubble up until tomorrow. So you are breaching lock down rules currently. Tell them to reign it in as your neighbours could report them for being there. Also you should each only bubble with one house so if they were staying with others that should have remained their bubble. Sounds like your friends have not grown up. Suggest a booze free night.

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 03/07/2020 17:44

I get you are embarrassed but they probs needed to let off steam, have a word with them and just keep them away from the voddy

StillCoughingandLaughing · 03/07/2020 17:52

let them be angry, people are dying because of the stupidity of people like her

Bullshit. And what does their ‘anger’ achieve? We’re on page 14 now. What do you think someone failed to say on pages 1 - 13 that will suddenly make the OP crumble and beg for forgiveness, having vowed to mend her ways?

goldfinchfan · 03/07/2020 17:59

OP I htink they should apologise to your neighbours as well.

That might help but they need to acknowledge that their behaviour was out of order

sturdywiththewordyshakespear · 03/07/2020 18:09

TBH if you were my neighbours we'd have had a right giggle - especially at you shushing them and trying to get them inside. I'd be more concerned about the 'bubble' thing - it's only a single person that can join a household - not two people leaving one household for another. That's not cool to my mind. Re their behaviour, clearly you'd grown apart a bit - I'm sure you could negotiate a friendship that works for all of you if you wanted to. But it's not a universal outrage to eff and blind a bit in a garden after having a few - so I wouldn't go into the discussion all outraged. If that's something you'd have found funny in your past life then it's a bit rich coming over all 'grown up' now. Just work out what you want and calmly discuss it.

sturdywiththewordyshakespear · 03/07/2020 18:10

Oh, and yes. I think YABU if that'd have been fine back in the day.

MintyMabel · 03/07/2020 18:35

DD was in bed by the time they got raucous. Which I think is why DH wanted to keep them outside. A bit of a catch 22 we found ourselves in!

The flats over the back heard them. Safe to say your DD would also have been able to.

icedgem85 · 03/07/2020 18:39

They were being drunk idiots. You knew they'd be drunk idiots. They were finished being drunk idiots by 10pm and no one complained. Honestly, I'd forget about it and get over it! But as everyone's saying, they shouldn't be there in the first place.

googledontknow · 03/07/2020 18:54

I'd be more embarrassed that I had broken the 'bubble' rules in such a public way than the swearing etc.
People are very judgemental about that.

TJ17 · 03/07/2020 18:59

People saying it's not relevant they are gay 🙄

It's also not relevant their drink of choice was vodka but it builds the story so you can actually engage with it!

I have several family members who are GAY it's not a dirty word, you are making it seem dirty by being offended by the word. You are actually causing the issue.

sophe · 03/07/2020 19:07

They are not stupid. They did it to offend your new country sensibilities. It was malicious. Dump them and the husband if he cannot behave either.

Thisismytimetoshine · 03/07/2020 19:08

@MintyMabel

DD was in bed by the time they got raucous. Which I think is why DH wanted to keep them outside. A bit of a catch 22 we found ourselves in!

The flats over the back heard them. Safe to say your DD would also have been able to.

Exactly this 😂. How dense can you get?!
niugboo · 03/07/2020 19:11

They aren’t in your bubble. Bubbles are supposed to exist with people who live alone. They’re a couple. You’re a household. And they have people staying in their home.

Given the behaviour you’re lucky no one called the police.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 03/07/2020 19:26

For all the people saying ‘OMG your neighbours will know you broke the rules!!!’ - you do realise you’re allowed to have guests in your garden, and have been for some weeks? And yes, I KNOW the OP had overnight guests, but I doubt the neighbours did. They saw and heard people in the garden - and while they might not have liked what they heard, they will have to have been monitoring the OP’s house pretty closely to know if those people stayed overnight.

Cloglover · 03/07/2020 19:58

What about other people's kids in their gardens listening to your friends shouting cunt and having inappropriate convos. That is totally not on, if you can't control your guests you shouldn't have them in your home. It wasn't a pub in the city centre - it was a residential area.

TJ17 · 03/07/2020 20:17

@Cloglover

What about other people's kids in their gardens listening to your friends shouting cunt and having inappropriate convos. That is totally not on, if you can't control your guests you shouldn't have them in your home. It wasn't a pub in the city centre - it was a residential area.
Did you even read the OP? This was her exact problem 🤷🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️😂 she is aware of this and also disapproved hence posting for advice.......
Nanalisa60 · 03/07/2020 20:21

I would just let them stay , and make you friends go and apologise to your neighbours. I bet your neighbours are not the upset , it’s probably been a bit of entertainment for your middle class boring neighbours.

I have come to a time in life that nothing shocks me anymore , and I live and let live, we are not all the same and some people are often a lot more Colourful then me.

If I was my next door neighbour , I would be quite amused at your mad friends.

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 03/07/2020 20:21

So many judgemental posts on here, your pals got drunk and made a tit of themselves, its not the bloody end of the world ffs

Thisismytimetoshine · 03/07/2020 20:24

@Nanalisa60

I would just let them stay , and make you friends go and apologise to your neighbours. I bet your neighbours are not the upset , it’s probably been a bit of entertainment for your middle class boring neighbours.

I have come to a time in life that nothing shocks me anymore , and I live and let live, we are not all the same and some people are often a lot more Colourful then me.

If I was my next door neighbour , I would be quite amused at your mad friends.

Not everyone thinking this is arsehole behaviour is shocked by it, we're not a bevy of maiden aunts Confused. Just don't find anything particularly amusing in their ridiculous exploits 🤷🏻‍♀️
aivilodraw1990 · 03/07/2020 20:26

This has been the most fun ever reading the replies. OP get a grip mate, you care wayyyyyy too much about what people think of you. So what if you had a couple of loud guests ONE night swearing, you said they were in bed by 10pm who cares! Please don’t lose one more minute sleep over this and definitely do not tell them to leave!

Rache49 · 03/07/2020 20:31

I think you are overreacting. The friends will have been hungover in the morning and I don't think your neighbours will care too hoots, given priorities elsewhere in these difficult times. Put it down to experience and move on.

Brockaslass · 03/07/2020 20:37

Clearly you have misunderstood the "bubble" laws. They only apply to those who are single people to provide a support network. Such as single parents, single elderly people etc they do not apply to a couple and a family. The law allows a single person or single parent family to pear up with a bubble. What you have described isn't a bubble.

Please see the attached government guidance that was announced on 23rd June
www.gov.uk/guidance/meeting-people-from-outside-your-household

Realitea · 03/07/2020 20:42

You can’t just have people over to stay and call it a bubble! It doesn’t make it ok.

Nanalisa60 · 03/07/2020 20:48

Thisismytimetoshine

I’m an not Amused!! What ever!!

Wise up !! I think you really need to take a chill pill

Thisismytimetoshine · 03/07/2020 20:49

Wise up?! 🤣. I think not.

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