Aibu to think that "any old crap will do for the kids" is mean and a cop out?

[GoingToTheParkWithBoltcutters]

I'm noticing this with some people since having children

Disclaimer: I am not a high earner, my kids are dressed in hand me downs and supermarket clothes, we can stretch to caravan holidays but that's it. So this isn't about me being snobby or precious.

They seem to think that any sort of effort on behalf of a child is wasted. Value chicken nugget type meals because it's only for the kids. Why bother taking them on days out anywhere that isn't soft play, they're only kids and they won't appreciate it. Dress them in clothes that are falling apart because they're only kids. Don't bother decorating their rooms as they're only kids, they'll wreck it.

It's like a race to the bottom. I get that children can be heavy handed, picky eaters and all the rest, but how will they grow up learning to care for their things and eat well if there is no effort made to teach them in the first place, because they're "just kids?"

I find it really depressing. Surely children should have some nice things just like the rest of us?

I agree mostly. My kids get the same good quality, nicely prepared food that I eat and they get good quality shoes (better than mine probably). I don't spend much money on their clothes though because they do get them stained and ripped and grow out of them quickly. Plus they don't much care what they wear.

I haven’t noticed much of this personally, if anything I know a lot of parents who go above and beyond almost competitively to show how well they’re parenting!

I do think there are some truths in there though, like there’s not much point buying super fancy clothes for babies if they’re just going to throw up on them - and sometimes kids won’t enjoy every day out and are just happy with the park. But it’s about balance, picking your battles and making choices accordingly rather than not bothering to ever do anything nice.

I don't know anyone who thinks like this. I mean when the kids were little I would buy cheaper clothes as they grow out of them so fast. And the clothes might be a bit stained as it would be silly to chuck them out when they tended to spill food down themselves at most meals!

That's about it though and that's practicality not being horrible to the kids! I didn't buy a new sofa until they'd stopped leaving sticky handprints everywhere either.

I'm trying to develop expensive tastes in my kids on the basis that they'll want to get good jobs to continue to indulge those tastes and earn enough to support me in luxury in my old age .

I’ve only really seen this with food and I agree it’s a real shame. My children appreciate the good stuff as much as I do .

I know plenty of people who send their kids to nursery in cheap / old clothes though. I don’t think that’s a problem, it’s just the practicalities of having small children who like making mess.

This isn't something I recognise at all.

I don't know any parents who think/act like this.
All the parents I know ( low earners -myself included) work hard and strive to buy the best they can afford for their DC.
I honestly couldn't name any of my DC's friends who don't look well-dressed and DD in particular is always talking about her friends bedrooms and their room themes etc, getting ideas for her own room which we decorate and accessorise too often!
I've known mum's go without things for themselves so they can buy a good quality pair of shoes and a smart good quality winter coat for their DC.
I've less of an idea when it comes to food but I can't imagine any if the families I know giving their DC substandard food while the adults eat properly.

I don't know anyone who does this?

Nobody I know does this.

Food yes, shoes yes, education yes. But I have a nearly three year old and choose a day at the local park with an ice cream over a visit to an attraction or event every time.

I agree with previous posters who don't really see this in daily life to be honest.. For those who cook chicken nuggets, it's not because the children aren't worth 'better' food, it's because they will eat it. I have also sent dd to nursery/school in clothes with marks on but she also has a wardrobe of nice things for days when she doesn't paint herself with mud. I find that most parents spend much more on their children than themselves. Dd's shoes certainly cost way more!!

Fortunately, I haven't seen too much of this. If anything, it's the other way round here.

Yanbu though. What is the point in deliberately choosing the worst option for the children you chose to raise?

I don’t know anyone who thinks like this. I didn’t buy my dcs expensive clothes when they were young as they grow out of them quickly and priority is that clothes are comfortable for playing in.
We have always eaten the same food (once they were weaned) although dd does not like anything too spicy.

I’ve never seen this and I’d say children get a much higher quality of everything now compared to when we were children. We’re quite child-centric in general these days in a way we weren’t before.

I dont see the point of buying kids fancy/designer clothes because they're growing and get ruined if they're out playing. I always tried to get the best quality shoes I could afford. I hate children's menus with a passion, just give them what everyone else is having unless its something like scotch bonnet chilies

I don't recognise this at all

This attitude was typical of my parents generation, but I feel time has changed things and I see the opposite now.

I also don't know anyone who does this.

Is this something you've seen amongst your friends or family, op? It sounds very bleak and depressing, but I hardly imagine it's usual.
Especially decorating their bedrooms? I've never known anyone not bother because "they'd wreck it". Awful.
The food and clothes thing, nobody sends kids to nursery to get covered in glue and paint wearing their Sunday best, it's wasteful and pointless, and some kids will only eat fishfingers, pasta, that type of stuff.
Never seen it happen as a considered choice because the kids weren't worth any better, though

OP you're not confusing the kids with artfully messed hair, mismatched clothes and "oh I just throw together any old thing from the organic veg box" diets with not giving a toss, are you? Because that lifestyle costs lots of money and takes shitloads of time to put together.

My inlaws are like this. DH hated his childhood and wants the best for our child (but not necessarily babyclothes because they do grow out of them too quickly). He feels that he wasn't given the opportunities to find out what interested him, if anything they openly mock him now for having gone to uni, learning to play an instrument and going to museums et cetera. His mum has no idea what a healthy meal is and finds it snobbish to cook one. I do like my MIL, but she can't see that her own bad childhood (that she hated too) shouldn't have been repeated by her. To her it's what life is like and other people are just weird for doing things differently. She likes me too but I can tell she finds me batshit in many ways 😁.

I've noticed this a lot about meals out. One of DH's mates will only take his kids to Brewer's Fayre, Beefeater or Pizza Hut because he thinks the nicer restaurants are wasted on the kids,

A lot of the time the nicer places aren't even that much more expensive, plus they're well off so it's not an affordability thing.

I don't recognise this. It's not something that I did, DS had the same food as us and ate with us from the time he was weaned. He had the clothes we could afford, but I didn't care how I looked as long as he was nicely turned out. If it was something I wouldn't choose to eat, it wasn't good enough for anyone in the family. I think it's mainly middle class families that cook separately for the children- it wouldn't occur to me to cook twice, i have always worked full time and to be honest wouldn't have the energy.

@lyralalala

I've noticed this a lot about meals out. One of DH's mates will only take his kids to Brewer's Fayre, Beefeater or Pizza Hut because he thinks the nicer restaurants are wasted on the kids,

A lot of the time the nicer places aren't even that much more expensive, plus they're well off so it's not an affordability thing.

It may be that his children wouldn't want to eat the food on offer in 'posher' resturants. I know I wouldn't have as a child so it would have been wasted on me.

And we took him to museums, parks, beaches, anywhere we would go as a couple we would go as a family. Soft play is hell.