Aibu to think that "any old crap will do for the kids" is mean and a cop out?

[GoingToTheParkWithBoltcutters]

I'm noticing this with some people since having children

Disclaimer: I am not a high earner, my kids are dressed in hand me downs and supermarket clothes, we can stretch to caravan holidays but that's it. So this isn't about me being snobby or precious.

They seem to think that any sort of effort on behalf of a child is wasted. Value chicken nugget type meals because it's only for the kids. Why bother taking them on days out anywhere that isn't soft play, they're only kids and they won't appreciate it. Dress them in clothes that are falling apart because they're only kids. Don't bother decorating their rooms as they're only kids, they'll wreck it.

It's like a race to the bottom. I get that children can be heavy handed, picky eaters and all the rest, but how will they grow up learning to care for their things and eat well if there is no effort made to teach them in the first place, because they're "just kids?"

I find it really depressing. Surely children should have some nice things just like the rest of us?

I voted YABU because I know absolutely no parents like this.

Mine get better quality than me. My attitude is that my body is already a fat, wine addled, wreck and my mind isn't much better but there is still hope for theirs!

At least you won't be serving second hand or hand-me-down shellfish, TeeniefaeTroon :-) - though they all died in the same way so I doubt it would matter to them.

I notice this with some things for sure. Oddly also the opposite though, people spending things or doing things for kids that don't make a lot of sense to me, it seems like it will not be appreciated.

The one where I really notice is people who basically feed their kids terrible food, like nuggets as you mention, not just when they have them theselves or on the odd occasion - but seem to think kids just don't eat regular food or get joy from well made food.

Most people I know tend to have the best for their kids and go without themselves. I've never met anyone with that attitude to be honest

Most people I know tend to have the best for their kids and go without themselves. I've never met anyone with that attitude to be honest

I ticked YABU because I agree completely with the above.

Nope never fed them a value chicken nugget in my life. Who on earth are you mixing with?

Quite like a chicken nugget myself.

I personally have my children in the best clothes,I give them the best food they have beautifully decorated bedrooms. They come first!! they are so precious to me and I would never say they are just children I would say because I adore my children I will give them the best that I can and I will smother them with love and respect. I’m so proud of my children.

@blankethog absolutely this

@Doodar I don’t get why people treat they children like this. Children are they to be treasured and surly having more money would make it very comfortable and easy for them to give the children the best. Very sad

In my experience children like good quality food just as much as adults do!!

But good quality doesn't have to mean the same food & tastes. I didn't eat salmon again until I was in my 20s because I hated having to eat it as a kid & thought it was disgusting. I hated beetroot as a child & still hate it. One of my dcs loves it.

I buy nice shoes and handbags and scent, all the things I wanted as a child and didn't get. So, no, I don't think nice things are wasted on children.

But surely there's a limit? I love handbags but my parents were not giving my Chanel at 12.

Imo there's a middle ground between treating your dc like Olivier Twist & Veruca Salt!!

Won't take the kids to the ballet in custom clothes?

WTF am I reading 🤷🏼‍♀️

what's wrong with a leotard? 😆

I actually think it's quite sad when parents completely go without & spend thousands on their dc.

Is 2nd hand uniform considered neglect now?

I don't notice this really. But. I find parents do this with kids shoes sometimes and I think that's wrong. Kids need quality footware, not cheap uncomfortable shit. They also should not be wearing shoes 3 sizes too big because they'll grow into them, have you tried walking in shoes that are too big? Awful.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing
DH’s parents always look surprised when I say she won’t eat the salmon and avocado (or whatever) they’ve prepared for their dinner. I wouldn’t eat those things either though so she’s never tried them.

This sounds like you’re limiting her choice or experience simply because you don’t like those foods. Why not just let her try them when you’re eating at your in-laws’ house?

Unless there is genuine poverty, I've never met parents who are stingy about absolutely everything, they usually just prioritise different things.

For some, it's good food. Others think that putting on a public face is important, so go all out on clothes or portable wealth signifiers. Parents who are after a quite life might spend more on gaming, mobiles or broadband. Some would give their last penny for their children's education.

Nobody understands the choices that other parents make. You get, "Sure she plays the oboe, but did you see the state of her shoes? Poor child."
or
"Designer clothes and chicken nuggets for tea, but they let her stay up all night watching tiktok on her new iphone."

I know exactly what you mean OP. It's quite predominant in my area too.
It's things like kids at soft play with huge holes in their socks while their mum sits with her Louis vuitton bag on the table.
Kids wearing cheap, ill fitting shoes while they're parents wear hunter wellies.
One neighbour telling me how she'd spent hundreds on a mattress for her bed and bought her son one for less than £20.
It's the cheap hardly made with meat at all sausage on the bbq for the kids while the adults tuck in to a gourmet one.

OP, it sounds like you know some unusual people. Almost no-one behaves like this, however little or much money they have, as this thread illustrates.

And in almost all cases, if the DC are getting the 'lesser' version as you see it, it will be because that's their preference, not because they aren't being prioritised, eg nuggets or cheap sausages (eg Richmond, whose USP is that it has 'no bits' unlike proper meaty sausages) because they won't eat salmon and vegetables, a trip to soft play because when they went to the museum, they spent the whole time moaning that it was boring, or wouldn't stop touching the exhibits. That sort of thing.

Plus when DC are growing quickly and playing in the dirt, climbing etc, cheap clothes are perfectly sensible as they just ruin them or grow out of them, or sometimes want to wear the cheaper item.

I'm sure every parent of a young DC will have had the battle where they've wanted to put them in something nice for a day out, party or even just to go to the supermarket, to be met with a tantrum because the DC is insisting on wearing the slightly too small, stained and very much washed thing that they prefer.

I think there's a balance. The last few years I've had no choice but to prioritise my kids over myself, but I am now trying to look after myself a bit more. Because when they are busy at school and nursery, it's me who is earning for and advocating for our family, so turning up looking like a right scruff doesn't benefit them at all

@EverdeRose wow that’s awful my kids would get the best and I would go with the cheaper one I want my kids to have a comfortable very happy childhood.

The other thing worth considering is that sometimes it's just not appropriate to spend a fortune on children's things, and having a difference in spending isn't always done horrible form of neglect.

My walking boots are around 3 years old and were rather expensive. They get used regularly and will last years. I need a new waterproof and will probably spend a reasonable amount on it. I wouldn't spend a comparable amount on children's active clothing because my cost per wear is low, the walking I do without DC is more technical, further away from amenities and I'll be out in almost all weather. Children will be only out in reasonable weather and not out in torrential rain, won't be going far, and will get 6-12 months out of their kit max until they get to late teens. They won't get the cheapest thing in the shop, but not am I going to spend ridiculous amounts of money on items that will get worn for one summer solely to say they get the best.