If you were a guest would you be ok with this? - wedding abroad

[foreverengaged]

We are looking to get married within the next couple of years (everything permitting) in my DPs home country. We've been looking at venues and where the guests from the UK would be potentially staying and we would love some outside perspectives on the ideas and logistic issues we have as we want to make it as comfortable as possible for everyone.

DPs family live about 50mins away from the large popular city with lots of touristy things to do where we usually fly into when visiting. DPs hometown is fairly quiet with not much to do apart from a nice park.

Our initial idea:

• guests fly in and stay in large popular city - we can suggest accommodation or they can find their own, most places, hotels and restaurants speak some English and have English menus as they are used to tourists from the uk so it should be easy enough for everyone to navigate and there are plenty of things to do both for families with DCs of all ages as well as couples and/or singles.

• guests can either come for the weekend of the wedding or make it a few days/week to have a little break/holiday whilst they're at it we would leave it up to them. We know quite a few of the guests would like to use the opportunity to explore the city and do some sightseeing.

• the church we get married in is in DPs hometown (sentimental reasons) so we would organise and fully pay for a mini bus (or multiple) to collect everyone from their hotels and transport to church on the day of the wedding it's around 50mins drive on a motorway

• we have found a venue we love which is another 25mins from church so again minibus (we would absolutely make sure it's up to scratch and comfortable I.e. Air con if it's summertime and so on)

• weddings in DPs country go on for 2 days so we would organise and pay for transport from venue back to hotels and transport back the next day (the afterparty starts around 2pm) 1hr drive.

OR guests can choose to stay the night at the venue which has a lovely hotel on site with a lot of activities and lovely amenities and the day after attend the after party then stay another night/ return to original hotel / stay another night then go straight to airport to return to UK the next day depending on the length/timing of their stay.

• Alternatively you can also opt to just fly in, travel to and stay for the entirety at the hotel the wedding reception will take place, travel to church and back, do the 2/3nights of wedding and travel straight back to airport. The hotel grounds have plenty to do, there's a stable where you can pay for horse riding, they provide free bikes to explore the grounds, there's a play area for kids and a water park area in the summer, hot tub/jacuzzi, spa and lots of greenery to explore so fingers crossed should be enough to keep guest entertained from Fri to Mon when they're not at the wedding.

We would not be asking for gifts as we are aware it's an expense to attend. The wedding itself will have a free bar and lots of food/drink coming all throughout the day/night so no additional costs for drinks and the like.

Would you be happy with these options as a guest? Or is it too much?

It's all in the very early planning stages so any insight would be really appreciated.

Sounds exhausting, for you and them.

Why don't you chat it through with a couple of your real guests, whose opinions you value?

There's certainly lots of options, and I would be happy to make plans for my family - perhaps spending a few days in the city, and then a few days at the venue.

Sounds brilliant to me! You’ve given your guests options and are paying for and arranging travel etc where necessary so they don’t have to juggle logistics in an unfamiliar country.

Can I come?

Your wedding sounds lovely, I would give all the options and costs and explain that whilst you’d love them to come, that it’s a big expense both in terms of actual cash and time off work so no present required and if they can’t come that’s cool.

Are there lots of loos at the church? Otherwise... need to be ready a bit before the minibus comes, hour in the minibus, some hanging around, then the service, then some hanging around, then 30 mins in the minibus. Some of the guests will be bursting for a wee before they get to the venue!

If they all know each other then you don't need to organise extra entertainment. They'll amuse each other. If they want to do the tourist bit they can do it before or after. People will want to leave at different times.

I think it sounds great! You are trying to take as much stress out as possible through the minivans etc. I’d be happy as long as a) it was made clear that things were optional b) I had as much info as possible so I didn’t have to stress about how to find things and where to be and when I was going to get fed! (I wouldn’t tell you I was stressed about this but I would be)

Sounds like you are balancing what you want and consideration for guests well

Sounds brilliant OP 😊 happy planning

I think you've said it. It's too much. Too much to-ing and fro-ing unless they stay in the venue all the time and possibly too much cost in travelling time, fares and hotel bills.

bursting for a wee - it'll be the journey home after the free bar that's more critical.
Not usually keen on destination weddings, but reasonable if it's DP home country.
Agree with the above - chat to a couple of invited guest, but it does seem as if you're doing all that you can.
How about a UK celebration/get together just before or just after in addition? Even if a meal in a restaurant (and I know there's been discussion of this on other threads), you can make it clear if it's a case of splitting the bill and maybe you pay for some fizz to welcome people.

I’ve been to a wedding like this and it was amazing. Good luck with the planning and hope you have a lovely day when it arrives!

All fine as long as people have plenty of discretionary income and no kids. Otherwise it sounds very expensive and time consuming for someone else's day.
You are asking them to fly to your destination of choice, stay over and possibly take time off work so it is a bit disingenuous to say you aren't asking for 'presents'.

I think you just book the venue accommodation and let them make their own decisions re turning the trip into an extended holiday or literally just flying in for the wedding.

Sounds lovely and thoughtful for everyone.

Sounds great to me, particularly providing the transport - and not having gifts. Is this a short haul or long haul destination?

I’m always surprised more people don’t pay for minibuses from wedding to reception in UK - it’s such a hassle getting and paying for taxis. We had large taxis doing shuttles from church to reception (30 minute walk or 7 minutes drive) for ~140 guests and it on only cost around £200 - very little compared to most wedding budgets and it makes the guests feel so looked after. I think most people assume it will be really expensive so never even look into organising it.

No way we would come. So expensive, disruptive and difficult.

Having said that we can’t really afford holidays generally so we might not be like your friends!

Hope you have a lovely time whatever you decide.

Too much travelling for me tbh.

Venue half an hour from church?

After travelling nearly an hour to get to the church?

No thanks!

Will it be in school holidays or term time? The former will probably make it very expensive for families, the latter will make it difficult for those with school-aged children or people who teach?

As a single woman I would have loved this.
As a single parent I'd have to decline.

So I guess it depends on your guest list!

Best wishes OP, you sound happy

Sounds great, quite a bit of faffing and backwards and forwarding but I think that's to be expected in a 2 day wedding abroad and it sounds like you are doing everything possible to consider the comfort of your guests. I am guessing the 'venue' hotel is quite pricey from the sounds of things and that is why you are thinking your guests would be more likely to want to stay in the city? Are there any cheaper accommodation options (including self catering or air bnb type places) near the church reception or is it a straight up choice between the city and this one hotel?

I think the key thing really is communication, as much of it as possible and as early as possible. As a guest (in normal times anyway, maybe less so because of Covid) I would probably be looking to organise myself asap with flights, accommodation, time off work etc. and knowing the exact plans helps a lot with this. We had a right schmozzle with one of DH's cousins who got married in a European city last year where their plans were changing right up until the last minute and we ended up missing the 'welcome dinner' because we weren't flying in until that evening, plus we paid more than we should have for accommodation because there was a lot of faff about where exactly in the city/outside the city the various parts of the wedding were and who was staying with whom, which was annoying (although par for the course with DH's family who are notorious faffers ). So if you can set up a wedding website or similar and put your itinerary up there, plus information and links about the different accommodation options that will be really helpful - do be clear with regard to your kind offer of the minibus so there aren't misunderstandings, that it will pick up passengers from X city centre location (maybe one of the hotels you suggest), will leave at Y time and return at Z time, so people who may be looking to save money by staying further out of the city know where they stand and won't expect the bus to tour around all the various hotels dropping them off individually, or for the bus to wait for them to turn up indefinitely. And get people to confirm by a certain date if they would like a seat on the bus so you know whether you need 2 minibuses or a coach or whatever.

I'm sure people will pop up on here to tell you that they would never ever attend a wedding abroad and none of your guests will come, how selfish of you etc etc., but personally providing I have enough notice and clarity about plans so I am clear about the cost and how much leave we will need to take (take note DH family ), I don't mind an abroad wedding, particularly where it's in the home country of one of the parties it seems fair enough to me and it often means you visit a new place you've never been to before and experience a little bit of different culture/customs around weddings which I find fascinating. I assume you will be contributing to the accommodation costs of any of your wedding party who you absolutely need/want to have with you at the reception venue location, if it's quite pricey? And if anyone else politely declines to come you won't kick off or guilt trip them about it? In which case kick on and enjoy your wedding, ignore any haters .

I think the wedding venue and the wedding bit sounds really good but all the other stuff sounds a bit exhausting. Is there enough space at the wedding venue for everyone to stay? If so i would be inclined to organise a wedding weekend and then if people want to stay longer or arrive earlier in the country then it's up to them.
I went to a wedding in Italy and one in Portugal which was a weekend thing and a few people made it into a ho!iday.

Far too complicated for me, I'm afraid. I wouldn't come but hope you have a lovely time.

Sounds like you are putting lots of thought into being really considerate of your guests. Personally, I would prefer not to go to a destination wedding, the cost and enforced use of annual leave make it prohibitive, but if your guests are keen to be there then your arrangements sound good.

Sounds good to me.

I would probably fly out to the main city, do some touristy stuff first for a few days to make it a holiday, and I would really appreciate the minibus to/from the wedding as that is always the issue with destination weddings.

Not sure whether I would take the transport to/from the city for the afterparty or stay at the venue overnight, I would weigh up the costs before making my decision on that. I do like a drink/party so swaying towards staying overnight for convenience.

Personally I think that’s a lot of travelling, even when you are in your wedding country. If guests are travelling abroad to a wedding I would make it as simple as possible for them out there. Ideally all in one location.
I’d also leave it up to them to decide how long they intend to fly out out for etc. I know you said it was up to them, but it reads like you’ve listed options for them. Some guests might not want to make it into a 2 day event, would you be ok if they didn’t want to attend to days? I love weddings but everyone I’ve attended I’ve been more than ready to leave come 10:30.

Thankyou for the replies so far just to clear up my ramble:

• guests can choose to just stay at wedding venue for 2/3 nights then travel back to UK obviously there's the 25/30min travel each way to and from church on the wedding day
• guests can choose to spend xyz amount of days in popular city where the airport is and make it a holiday/sightseeing trip then join us at the wedding and stay at venue hotel for the remainder of their stay then travel back to uk or the other way round wedding first then stay in popular city
• guests can choose to stay in popular city and travel to and from venue in transport provided and paid for by us over the 2 day celebration

We will definitely be asking around our guests nearer the time once we have 100% decided on the venue and we know there might be limited rooms at the hotel so will need to take that into account.

Rooms at wedding venue come with breakfast included as standard but they will have to pay for anything else they might want before/after reception/party.

Church ceremony would be anywhere between 12-2 in the afternoon then reception straight after when everyone makes it back, with no canapés but food served pretty much immediately upon arrival at venue. It's wouldn't be a "pick your starter/main/dessert and that's what you get" affair but more like "here are platters upon platters of food please have as much as you want" type of thing with potentially a dessert bar and a cold meats/cheese table and open bar and of course consideration for any vegetarian or vegan guests/any other dietary requirements.