If you were a guest would you be ok with this? - wedding abroad

[foreverengaged]

We are looking to get married within the next couple of years (everything permitting) in my DPs home country. We've been looking at venues and where the guests from the UK would be potentially staying and we would love some outside perspectives on the ideas and logistic issues we have as we want to make it as comfortable as possible for everyone.

DPs family live about 50mins away from the large popular city with lots of touristy things to do where we usually fly into when visiting. DPs hometown is fairly quiet with not much to do apart from a nice park.

Our initial idea:

• guests fly in and stay in large popular city - we can suggest accommodation or they can find their own, most places, hotels and restaurants speak some English and have English menus as they are used to tourists from the uk so it should be easy enough for everyone to navigate and there are plenty of things to do both for families with DCs of all ages as well as couples and/or singles.

• guests can either come for the weekend of the wedding or make it a few days/week to have a little break/holiday whilst they're at it we would leave it up to them. We know quite a few of the guests would like to use the opportunity to explore the city and do some sightseeing.

• the church we get married in is in DPs hometown (sentimental reasons) so we would organise and fully pay for a mini bus (or multiple) to collect everyone from their hotels and transport to church on the day of the wedding it's around 50mins drive on a motorway

• we have found a venue we love which is another 25mins from church so again minibus (we would absolutely make sure it's up to scratch and comfortable I.e. Air con if it's summertime and so on)

• weddings in DPs country go on for 2 days so we would organise and pay for transport from venue back to hotels and transport back the next day (the afterparty starts around 2pm) 1hr drive.

OR guests can choose to stay the night at the venue which has a lovely hotel on site with a lot of activities and lovely amenities and the day after attend the after party then stay another night/ return to original hotel / stay another night then go straight to airport to return to UK the next day depending on the length/timing of their stay.

• Alternatively you can also opt to just fly in, travel to and stay for the entirety at the hotel the wedding reception will take place, travel to church and back, do the 2/3nights of wedding and travel straight back to airport. The hotel grounds have plenty to do, there's a stable where you can pay for horse riding, they provide free bikes to explore the grounds, there's a play area for kids and a water park area in the summer, hot tub/jacuzzi, spa and lots of greenery to explore so fingers crossed should be enough to keep guest entertained from Fri to Mon when they're not at the wedding.

We would not be asking for gifts as we are aware it's an expense to attend. The wedding itself will have a free bar and lots of food/drink coming all throughout the day/night so no additional costs for drinks and the like.

Would you be happy with these options as a guest? Or is it too much?

It's all in the very early planning stages so any insight would be really appreciated.

But where is it? It would make a huge difference to me if it were, say Sweden, compared to, say, India! One could easily be a long weekend away, the other is a big "probably their main holiday of the year" commitment.

My best friend did the destination wedding (Santorini), and while it was lovely, it's a huge expectation to put on other people, to hope they will be just as thrilled by the prospect!

Your nearest and dearest will go (through politely gritted teeth), but that'll probably be it. If you're hoping for equivalent numbers as to what you'd get in the UK, you're going to be disappointed. There will also be more people "there for" your husband, rather than for you. You need to be SURE you're okay with "your" people being firmly in the minority.

The OP sounds a bit complicated because she has given lots of different options.

The simplest is:
Fly to main city
(Optional) Stay 2-3 days doing touristy stuff
(Optional) Check out of accommodation
Get free minibus to wedding destination
Wedding Day 1
Stay overnight at wedding destination
Wedding Day 2/After party
Get free minibus back to main city
Fly home

OP if I was your guest how much would this wedding cost me if I attended for the minimum nights possible? This is what your guests need to know before they think of all the options.

Personally I cant think of anything I don't want to do more than spend any time in a "Popular City". Might just be me, but it might not! City breaks aren't my thing and a city chosen by someone else even more so.

Have you considered two small weddings? Or having the party in the UK?

Oh apologies I didn't list a few things.

Obviously we will try to simplify the options as much as possible the post is my initial ramble
Wedding website will probably be a priority too.

Country is just under 2hrs flight. Flights obviously dependant.
Accommodation generally quite reasonable, wedding venue at the moment shows anywhere between £130 - £200 for 3 nights including breakfast depending on tier of room. Standard/Deluxe.
We would of course also speak to venue and ask how much it would be per night if all the rooms were booked out by our wedding party to see if we could get a special price for guests.

Accommodation in popular city dependant on hotel/apartment can be anything from £40 right up to £300 a night if you want to stay at the equivalent of the Ritz so plenty of options.

I agree with a PP destination is relevant here, a short haul trip in comparison to a long haul would be very different.

Truthfully in current climes money is stretched, jobs are risky, people will be wanting the holidays they lost this year and may dread going abroad for a wedding. Or may worry about travel at all so soon after pandemic

Planning a similar wedding in my home country. I have discussed the idea with a few people and they all seem to be fine with all the different options. You're not asking for gifts so I think it's up to them whether they want to come or not and you've taken a lot of the hard research work out for them. Happy planning!

I don't know if hotels there will do it but we're discussing a bulk-booking discount if loads of people wanted to book a room in the same hotel, might be worth exploring.

Would you be paying for any of the accomodation?

Oh and we would pay for the accommodation for our immediate family (parents/DGPs and siblings).

How long is the flight and are there flight options available? I've been to destination weddings and travelling abroad just for 2 or 3 nights with a 2 day wedding can become very expensive and tiring.

So a couple will be paying 500 for accommodation, flights, food? Do they need visas too?

You have put alot of thought into it.

Personally I would make it simple. Recommend guests stay in the hotel were the reception is the night before. Then put a bus on to and from your ceremony. On the invitation add that all guests are welcome to stay on a second day to continue the celebrations.

If they want to stay on longer or make a holiday out of it they can ask you to recommend accommodation.

It will be alot of hassle and stress for you if they are spread out across a city.

My friend did something like this when she got married in Europe. She organised a hotel (in city) for guests on the first night (optional). The next day we got the train to the wedding village where she’d arranged a mini-bus/coach to pick us up and take us to hotel (she arranged one night for us all). Transport was provided from/to the hotel and the wedding venue. Flew home on day 3. It was lovely, the travelling was fine. Not sure I could be bothered with it now I’m older though!

I would come (have been to similar sounding weddings) and would love it! It sounds brilliant!

It sounds very complicated with a lot travelling. I wouldn't bother unless it was very close family.

Oh and we would pay for the accommodation for our immediate family (parents/DGPs and siblings)

If they aren't immediate family why put them in the position of feeling obligted to come? And paying hundreds of pounds?

My response would depend largely on the length of the flight - short-haul I'd come for just the wedding, but longer-haul I'd be more likely to want to extend my stay.

I think it depends so much on your guests and your relationships with them though. Something like this us a very different proposition for, say, a young couple with no children and two incomes, than a family with several children with only one parent working. What is reasonable for some would be out of the question for others.
Also the relationship. Close family and best friends would likely be agreeable but more distant friends and relatives less so. One of my nieces is getting married to someone from another country and the wedding is likely to happen there. The flights alone for our family would cost more than we have ever spent in a holiday. We are fond of her but not particularly close and have never met her fiance. I think it is very unlikely that we would go, but if it were my own daughter, then of course I would. I think culture also plays a role. I have friends who have spent huge amounts of time and money flying back to their home country for the weddings of quite distant relatives. Its very important in their culture and would cause great offence if they didn't go, whereas in the UK I think most people expect relatives who live a long way way to decline and aren't really surprised or bothered.
There are so many factors that will influence people's decisions and most of them are probably outside your control. It sounds like you are trying to be as considerate and accommodating as possible and it does sound lovely for those who can afford it and manage the cost. I might be inclined to simplify the options a bit as sometimes people can feel a bit overwhelmed by too much choice.
I hope you have a lovely wedding.

@Howyiz

All fine as long as people have plenty of discretionary income and no kids. Otherwise it sounds very expensive and time consuming for someone else's day. You are asking them to fly to your destination of choice, stay over and possibly take time off work so it is a bit disingenuous to say you aren't asking for 'presents'.

Getting married in the DP's country of birth is not the same as having a 'destination' wedding. If foreverengaged (hopefully not forever ) and her DP got married in the UK, then DP's family would have the expense of travelling here so some compromise is needed.

It sounds a lovely plan. I'd definitely want to go assuming I could afford it. Presumably anyone who wants to use annual leave for something else or who can't afford it (which would also apply to a UK wedding that involved travel and an overnight stay) will say no.

Ah, cross-posted with your update. For a two-hour flight I think most people will fly in and out.

Please be prepared for quite a lot of your guests to decline, however. Friends who have done something similar have noticed that people tend to be very keen about international weddings in principle but often haven't come through in the end.

Sounds great and as long as it’s all communicated really clearly to guests I don’t think anyone could ask for more! Obviously it is going to have costs and some people won’t be able to make it but that is always the case to a certain extent, and especially when abroad. MN is v grumpy about weddings so don’t be too worried by all the people saying it’s too difficult!

I went to a wedding in Italy, 70 guests flew from the UK. Most arrived the day before and paid for one night at the hotel where the reception was, breakfast was included, lunch wasnt, coaches took us to wedding venue, coach back, free food and drink, bride and groom paid for everyone's accommodation for that night. Then breakfast included the next morning, no lunch and Coach to airport. A few people made the weekend into a holiday. It worked well but was very expensive for my family as have 3DC.

What stage in life are your friends? Couples who are double income no kids are very different to young families, teens etc.