If you were a guest would you be ok with this? - wedding abroad

[foreverengaged]

We are looking to get married within the next couple of years (everything permitting) in my DPs home country. We've been looking at venues and where the guests from the UK would be potentially staying and we would love some outside perspectives on the ideas and logistic issues we have as we want to make it as comfortable as possible for everyone.

DPs family live about 50mins away from the large popular city with lots of touristy things to do where we usually fly into when visiting. DPs hometown is fairly quiet with not much to do apart from a nice park.

Our initial idea:

• guests fly in and stay in large popular city - we can suggest accommodation or they can find their own, most places, hotels and restaurants speak some English and have English menus as they are used to tourists from the uk so it should be easy enough for everyone to navigate and there are plenty of things to do both for families with DCs of all ages as well as couples and/or singles.

• guests can either come for the weekend of the wedding or make it a few days/week to have a little break/holiday whilst they're at it we would leave it up to them. We know quite a few of the guests would like to use the opportunity to explore the city and do some sightseeing.

• the church we get married in is in DPs hometown (sentimental reasons) so we would organise and fully pay for a mini bus (or multiple) to collect everyone from their hotels and transport to church on the day of the wedding it's around 50mins drive on a motorway

• we have found a venue we love which is another 25mins from church so again minibus (we would absolutely make sure it's up to scratch and comfortable I.e. Air con if it's summertime and so on)

• weddings in DPs country go on for 2 days so we would organise and pay for transport from venue back to hotels and transport back the next day (the afterparty starts around 2pm) 1hr drive.

OR guests can choose to stay the night at the venue which has a lovely hotel on site with a lot of activities and lovely amenities and the day after attend the after party then stay another night/ return to original hotel / stay another night then go straight to airport to return to UK the next day depending on the length/timing of their stay.

• Alternatively you can also opt to just fly in, travel to and stay for the entirety at the hotel the wedding reception will take place, travel to church and back, do the 2/3nights of wedding and travel straight back to airport. The hotel grounds have plenty to do, there's a stable where you can pay for horse riding, they provide free bikes to explore the grounds, there's a play area for kids and a water park area in the summer, hot tub/jacuzzi, spa and lots of greenery to explore so fingers crossed should be enough to keep guest entertained from Fri to Mon when they're not at the wedding.

We would not be asking for gifts as we are aware it's an expense to attend. The wedding itself will have a free bar and lots of food/drink coming all throughout the day/night so no additional costs for drinks and the like.

Would you be happy with these options as a guest? Or is it too much?

It's all in the very early planning stages so any insight would be really appreciated.

So let’s say I come for a week

I stay in a hotel for a bit then want to come to the venue and stay the night. But then I’ll need a lift back as my flight is at 11am. 4 other people
Have flights at 6pm. Some others have flights the following day.

How will you organise all of that?

I think it’s far too complicated and it won’t suit everyone. It will be too hard to make it work. People will want to leave at different times. Those with children, those who are elderly. You can’t have multiple buses or doing loops. It’s too far. My hotel is at one end of the city. Another is at the other? You want someone to trek across the city at 2am as you only have one drop off point? Or you do multiplies and what was an hour journey is much much longer.

It won’t work.

You sound thoughtful and lovely. But it sounds hellish from a logistical POV.

This sounds similar to a Polish wedding I went to a few years back. Wedding about an hour away from a big city.

We all spent the Friday night in the city and the bride organised transport to her local town where we dropped off the luggage and changed in our accommodation. Bride then provided transport to the church and onto the venue.

Then I actually don't remember how we got back due to the vodka and then the party after.

We as guests were just happy to be told where to stay and what time the buses were arriving to transport us.

Being in the city the night before was good fun and we enjoyed that

No sorry, wouldn't go. Two young kids would make this the least fun "holiday" ever. I also couldn't afford flights and who even knows the visa requirements that'll be in place.

I'd send you a card and a cheque instead.

What you have got to remember, OP, is that there are posters on MN who don't like being sent flowers, because they think it's too much effort to put them in a vase (according to a recent thread). There is literally nothing joyful in life that a MNetter won't moan about. Take no notice of the professional miserabilists. Note that almost every poster who has actually been to a wedding abroad has had an awesome time. Don't be guided by weirdos who think 50 minutes' drive is too far for a wedding (where the fuck do they live? It used to take me longer than that to do the school run). But do think about simplifying your plans and also about having a UK party for those who can't afford the time or money to attend the actual wedding. And congratulations flowers

@MrsNoah2020 👏🏾👏🏾

I would not be opposed to travelling to the wedding (and have done before) but do think the church and venue are a bit far away but that could just be me.

I think that you probably don’t need to go into so much details for the guests. Give them dates and address of the wedding and they’ll decide how many nights they want to come for and where to stay

Hope your wedding is amazing. You are being very thoughtful but please keep the options as minimal as possible for your own sanity.

If I were invited, I would politely decline. All that travelling and to-ing and fro-ing sound like a nightmare to me! Your wedding is a contract between you and your spouse with witnesses to that contract. Everything else is optional. Obviously, the overseas family will be there, and very close family. It's asking a lot of wider family and friends. Of course you want to celebrate with your friends, but why not have a party when you come home?

We would struggle with this. We don’t have much disposable income, it would cost us more than our annual holiday budget.
It sounds like these will be long haul flights. Quite a big CO2 impact.

We got married in DH’s home country. We hired a massive gîte for the week and basically made it the UK family’s main holiday. It was brilliant.

Hey OK

So I did exactly what you are proposing. We got married abroad. It was an expensive trip so we covered the entire wedding day costs. Free travel to and from venues 2 central meeting points for them to get to the transport but on way home he dropped them all off at their own accommodation. Most of which I have the options for depending on budget. Most chose to stay with us at the same hotel. We asked for no gifts again as you mention it's expensive enough. We had 80 people attend and no one questioned anything. They loved it. Most used it as the excuse to go and see it as it wouldn t have been somewhere they could have gone to normally so they made a 2 wks holiday out of it or a week. Some flee over for 4 days 1 even flew from Dubai. You will find some will moan but of they genuinely want to be there they won't make you feel bad. Try not to stress xx

We would end up declining. Too far, too expensive, too much faffing around, too much waiting around and travelling in a sweaty minibus with DPs great Aunty Ethel who we’ve just discovered smokes 50 a day and smells like her 13 cats.
If it was family, I might Suck it up and deal with it, but I’d be most likely to say no.
An hour to the church, several hours inside church, half an hour after church, no food or drink during any of that? I can see my kids having a total meltdown and my hypoglycaemia wouldn’t thank you for it either.

Yep sounds amazing

You haven't mentioned if there will be any children from your side going.

I'd come and spend the whole weekend at the reception venue 😊 sounds really lovely op.
Obviously you want to plan so people make the most of it and actually want to go, but don't become too embroiled in that bit - give options, book buses and tell them to let you know when they need spaces, then job done. I also think it would be fair enough to ask for a £ contribution for those taking the bus from the big city. For anyone on a budget going, it might be worth checking about campsites too.
Have an ace wedding, whenever it ends up being x

Honestly don't be put off by some of the negative responses here. Perhaps many of these people have most of their family and friends in the same area so they would rarely travel for a wedding anyway.

If I'd got married in the UK most guests would still have had a long journey and a much more expensive hotel stay.

I've also attended a number of overseas weddings. They've largely all been great fun. Enjoy!

Honestly that much travelling on coaches and minibuses would make me literally vomit. I'd only do it if there was someone I could leave my kids with at home, no way would I want to keep kids entertained for that amount of travelling and then expect them to be quiet/still for a ceremony

I think it sounds lovely, you’re being very thoughtful and you providing transport is perfect, makes it loads easier, I probably wouldn’t bring my family with me, but that’s just because there are loads of us. I think as long as you’re not offended if people can’t make it for cost/holiday reasons then it sounds great, I think you’ll have a lovely wedding. If you’re concerned I think the suggestion of chatting to a couple of close friends whose opinions you can trust is a good one.

I think it sounds lovely but you may need to accept that friends with children will not attend. If you really care about them celebrating with you it might be nice to have a party when you’re back in the uk so they can join you and celebrate your marriage. While your wedding abroad doesn’t sound stupidly expensive for your guests, if you are a family of four, the costs of flights, accommodation, outfits and entertainment soon add up. I agree with a PP that I would do it for a family member but that’s it. For my best friend I would probably go alone but otherwise I would wish you well and regretfully decline.

I'm not opposed to weddings abroad by the way I've travelled to Italy and Greece for weddings. But both times the venues have been in towns with plenty to do and I could walk to the wedding from my hotel. It's the coach travelling I couldnt do

It sounds lovely but really depends on the demographic of your guests. It would be too expensive for me and many people I know (high childcare costs, work in public sector so not a huge salary etc). If your guest have enough annual leave and the money to spend then go for it but please don't pressure people who say they can't afford it.

I would happily do it

OP sounds like you’ve got a great plan. And it’s not the sort of destination wedding where everyone is trapped in an AI for two weeks together- the location sounds like it gives guests plenty of flexibility to fit your wedding into a proper holiday or just a couple of days away.

We got married abroad and picked somewhere where I know a lot of our family and friends wanted to go and could form part of a holiday, not all of a holiday IYSWIM. We were amazed how many came (we anticipated a handful, ended up with around 40 guests) and everyone had a different itinerary.

I think it sounds fine. I like the options (I’m a planner), but I could definitely see how so many may be overwhelming to others. You could just suggest the in town hotel (where I think you said the ceremony is) and a city option where you’ll provide the mini bus for the wedding.

Op sounds great. The options are good. You have put a lot of thought and consideration onto it.

Definitely do the transport, the food sounds great. I would come for sure.

Can tell that a lot of the absolute grumps on this thread haven’t been to weddings abroad. 3 of my best friends got married abroad (Prague, Verona and Madrid). I think it all sounds great - people are able to manage it within their own budget and you are providing transport to actual church / venue. I think it sounds wonderful. There were around 80 guests at all of the weddings I went to and some stayed a week at venue, some travelled, some came for 1/2 nights. For Verona one we flew to Venice as cheaper then rented car and travelled around Venice and went to lake Garda for few nights then stayed few nights at the venue. It’s really not a big deal travelling not sure why people getting so stressed about 50 mins travelling