If you were a guest would you be ok with this? - wedding abroad

[foreverengaged]

We are looking to get married within the next couple of years (everything permitting) in my DPs home country. We've been looking at venues and where the guests from the UK would be potentially staying and we would love some outside perspectives on the ideas and logistic issues we have as we want to make it as comfortable as possible for everyone.

DPs family live about 50mins away from the large popular city with lots of touristy things to do where we usually fly into when visiting. DPs hometown is fairly quiet with not much to do apart from a nice park.

Our initial idea:

• guests fly in and stay in large popular city - we can suggest accommodation or they can find their own, most places, hotels and restaurants speak some English and have English menus as they are used to tourists from the uk so it should be easy enough for everyone to navigate and there are plenty of things to do both for families with DCs of all ages as well as couples and/or singles.

• guests can either come for the weekend of the wedding or make it a few days/week to have a little break/holiday whilst they're at it we would leave it up to them. We know quite a few of the guests would like to use the opportunity to explore the city and do some sightseeing.

• the church we get married in is in DPs hometown (sentimental reasons) so we would organise and fully pay for a mini bus (or multiple) to collect everyone from their hotels and transport to church on the day of the wedding it's around 50mins drive on a motorway

• we have found a venue we love which is another 25mins from church so again minibus (we would absolutely make sure it's up to scratch and comfortable I.e. Air con if it's summertime and so on)

• weddings in DPs country go on for 2 days so we would organise and pay for transport from venue back to hotels and transport back the next day (the afterparty starts around 2pm) 1hr drive.

OR guests can choose to stay the night at the venue which has a lovely hotel on site with a lot of activities and lovely amenities and the day after attend the after party then stay another night/ return to original hotel / stay another night then go straight to airport to return to UK the next day depending on the length/timing of their stay.

• Alternatively you can also opt to just fly in, travel to and stay for the entirety at the hotel the wedding reception will take place, travel to church and back, do the 2/3nights of wedding and travel straight back to airport. The hotel grounds have plenty to do, there's a stable where you can pay for horse riding, they provide free bikes to explore the grounds, there's a play area for kids and a water park area in the summer, hot tub/jacuzzi, spa and lots of greenery to explore so fingers crossed should be enough to keep guest entertained from Fri to Mon when they're not at the wedding.

We would not be asking for gifts as we are aware it's an expense to attend. The wedding itself will have a free bar and lots of food/drink coming all throughout the day/night so no additional costs for drinks and the like.

Would you be happy with these options as a guest? Or is it too much?

It's all in the very early planning stages so any insight would be really appreciated.

I was a guest at a similar wedding many years ago.
Similar situation in that the couple booked minibuses to transport us to the wedding venue in a rural area and back to tourist town. It was lovely. She Also booked out a hair salon and we all got our makeup and hair down together which was fun.
Most of my friends family combined it with their holiday that year. I was working so only went for the wedding and back again but had enough notice to book affordable flights and a cheap hotel

It sounds lovely, I've been to a few weddings abroad and stayed a bit longer to have a holiday. You know your guests, so dont worry too much about the number of people on here saying they wouldn't go, etc. I certainly don't begrudge using my leave to see family or friends get married and have a mini break!

You sound really considerate of your guests, have an amazing day!

Your OP sounded over complicated but your update seems more reasonable. Supplying details of block booking for the main venue, nearby accommodation and of local taxi companies is pretty typical. It's great you're putting on minibuses as well.
All the stuff about various options is not needed, if they want to make a holiday of it, you don't need to be involved in any of it and I'm sure everyone will make the choices suitable for them.

Your wedding will be fantastic, enjoy the planning so much! DH and I were married abroad last year. We had 65 guests so 69 including our family. The wedding took place in a hotel outdoors, we paid for all drinks passes and food and also hired a yacht for day after party again with food and drinks.

If people want to they will come with plenty of notice, we gave over a years notice. We appreciated not everyone would want to come and that was fine with us but everyone we would've wanted to come did. This was a 5hr flight and transfers varying depending on where friends and family chose to stay.

Your wedding is not about anyone else, I've friends planning weddings at the moment stressed with in laws chipping in and worrying but it's not their wedding. Do what makes you and hubby to be happy!

We're a family of 4 and currently on a low income and have booked to go to our friends wedding in Cyprus next year (sept 2021) she told us about it last year and as soon as the details were made available we booked and paid bit by bit, it will just be our family holiday that year and can't think of anything better than sharing our friends love.

Congratulations!

I think it sounds fab with plenty of options to suit all. They certainly can’t say you haven’t made the effort to consider all avenues and options with regards to where they might like to stay and covering all transport.
Also free bar and food!! Amazing!
I think your guests would have a lovely time and feel grateful for you going to so much effort

I’ve never been to a wedding abroad but I would be happy with these options!

I think it’s great that you’ve put so much thought into the planning for your guests as we hear so many stories on here where people haven’t even thought about it and get snippy with people who can’t attend due to logistics or finances.

I think the other advice people always give is that no matter what options you provide, there may be some who still can’t attend for financial reasons etc and as long as you accept and are reasonable about that (and you sound a reasonable person) then you’re doing all you can to accommodate your guests!

Sounds lovely but complicated. You definitely sound like you have really thought of your guests

We had our wedding in Italy. We had family and friends staying with us for 5 days. To be honest, I found it quite a lot of pressure being hostess and making sure everyone was ok as well as wedding nerves etc. I was wrecked at the end of it and happy to go away on our honeymoon.
Make sure your guests are happy but think if the less stressful way for you too. I’d be tempted to go for the more touristy place so you can leave them to their own devices. Then just have the wedding separely.
We hosted a pizza party on the first night and went to an authentic Italian restaurant the night after the wedding. Other than that the pressure to entertain was off.

It sounds absolutely great OP

I went to a wedding exactly like this a couple of years ago and it was wonderful. We decided to make it part of a weeks holiday and really enjoyed the whole week. Have a lovely time and I am sure your friends will organise how long they will want to stay x

Sounds lovely

Sounds lovely, have fun!

I think it sounds great. You have thought of options to suit everyone. Just reassure everyone you invite that you really really want them to come but will understand if they feel they can't make the trip for whatever reason. You may not get every guest from your side that you would have liked, but the ones who come will have a wonderful time.

I think it sounds great and would certainly come if I were invited. The options give people the choice of making it into a holiday for themselves or solely focusing on your wedding which I think is nice as not everyone can afford to do both on separate occasions. You've clearly thought a lot about how to cater well for your guests and are minimising the cost to them in various ways where possible. I think it sounds great value for a destination wedding! I hope you all have a lovely time!

@ImAncient

This is not a destination wedding. Gosh people like to moan. In the real world I go abroad at least once/twice a year for weddings. I’m Cypriot & have a large family. Sometimes dh & the dcs come sometimes not. It’s no big deal. I’ve never had people organise transport. I just hire a car. Yes I know it helps that I know Cyprus well but it just wouldn’t be expected. They reciprocate by coming to our family weddings here. No one moans or says it’s a big deal or a destination wedding. The events can go on for a few days though that’s becoming less common.

The last wedding I went to had 3000 people. Some from here, Greece & Spain. I don’t think people moaned. They’d have got short shrift if they did. And no that’s not a typo. The following day there was a close lunch for 500. The wedding money paid for both dos. There was a dinner the night before for each side - probably 100 people that was paid for by the godparents.

@ImAncient

Going abroad once or twice a year is utterly unaffordable for some people. I wouldn’t moan but I simply could not afford it these days.
OP is being a kind and considerate host and I know she’s not having a destination wedding but people cannot magic money out of thin air.
Sometimes you get a natural cluster of friends/family getting married near each other and you can’t do it all.

OP in the kindest possible way your plans are far too complicated, to-ing and fro-ing on buses and having different "parts" of the wedding. Have your proper wedding in your fiancé's country and then have a party afterwards in the UK or wherever you live. You did not say how far away the country is but it is always unfair to expect people to take a holiday to go to your wedding. A trip abroad for a weekend is fine but going to a wedding in a place that requires a longer stay is not what most people would like unless they are your family or very close friends.

I went to similar a few years ago in Austria, it was fantastic and we all had a brilliant time.

We chose to stay in the city 2 nights then went by coach to the smaller town where the venue hotel was and stayed there 2 nights.

Yes, it was full on but it was also loads of fun.

My only comment on the plan is whether the transfer vehicle has enough room for luggage which tends to be bigger for guests going to weddings (we all had suit bags and cases).

48Euclid the OP has said the wedding is a two hour flight.

I would go!

Maybe slim the options down to 2 and canvass opinions from your closest peeps.

It could be viewed as expensive but who doesn't want a holiday?

@swelchphr that's great to read from someone with knowledge in the subject

We considered just giving guests information about local hotels - DPs home town where the church is or alternative hotels near the venue - but there is nothing to do there. There's a park in DPs hometown but apart from that they're small villages/towns without anything to do, the locals usually travel 40mins + if they want a night out as there's only a solitary club here or there unless you're in the big city. And more importantly due to them not being tourist areas any "hotels" or air bnbs are rather run down and sad looking with no one speaking English.

The venue hotel has large grounds, clean rooms, free bikes to use for guests, kids play area, stables where you can pay extra for horse riding, a spa, lake with a man made beach and canoeing/sailing options, the best rated restaurant in the area with an award winning chef and so on. So it should be completely fine for singles/couples/families to stay the weekend if no one wanted to stay in the city. Additionally it's not extortionately priced (averages £50ish a night for a double room and big breakfast).

We have young DCs of our own and are very aware of how nightmarish travel and events can be so we are trying to ensure there's lots of options and everything is as accommodating and comfortable as possible.
The wedding is still a while off hence this post and trying to get ideas.

I would give staying at the venue as the option you will ‘support’ - so transport to and from church. If you offer to arrange transport to and from 3 or 4 hotels in the city, possibly on different days, then you are going to spend your wedding acting as a travel agent and end up very stressed.

If guests choose to spend extra time before or after the wedding having a bit of a holiday, it’s not something you need to get involved in. Apart from the general information you’d give anyone visiting a city you know well, of course.

Speaking from experience, I live in another country from where I was born and opted to get married in my home country and invited people from the place I now live in. We found the easiest option was to pick our church and venue, give people some options on where to stay and once we had numbers and people booked we then based transport / meet ups / days out after. With any added bits we simply priced up any extras and gave guests the option to attend or not. If we got enough numbers we went ahead, nae enough interested, didn’t do it. We surprised our out of town guests with a mini bus collection, picking up from a heap of different hotels, to come to where we were staying(my mums home town) for drinks / buffet style meal and a mini bus at midnight to take them all back again, the guests loved it and it meant we got a catch up / thanks for travelling to the out of town guests and with the bus booked to bring them all back to their hotels, meant it wasn’t a late night but because it was a smaller group we got a good catch up with them which we wouldn’t / didn’t get the day of the wedding. I wouldn’t worry too much about guests, they tend to sort themselves out or they ask you for recommendations but if you put a few options on they invite, for the most part, they sort themselves out.

WOW, what fantastic options for guests! You could always send the info to everyone and then they can make their own minds up. Win Win