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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP saying 'I love you' to his ex

181 replies

Cheesestring84 · 28/06/2020 20:27

At the end of a phone call and when saying goodbye my dp and his ex say 'I love you'. I told him I find it upsetting and he thinks it is my issue rather than theirs. I know they want to stay friends for the sake of the children but this feels like a step too far. Is it just me?

OP posts:
CreditCrackers · 28/06/2020 20:29

YABU. He had children with this woman so it's not that absurd to continuing loving her beyond their relationship ending. It can become a platonic love like an old friend or a sister. You have no right to try and come between them or change their relationship. Buck up and stop trying to make everyone else's life hard (especially children) to make yourself happy.

borntohula · 28/06/2020 20:31

I wouldn't like it. 🤷‍♀️

ImFree2doasiwant · 28/06/2020 20:31

Yanbu. Yes, they may get on well, but telling each other "I love you" is a huge step too far.

Bollss · 28/06/2020 20:31

@CreditCrackers

YABU. He had children with this woman so it's not that absurd to continuing loving her beyond their relationship ending. It can become a platonic love like an old friend or a sister. You have no right to try and come between them or change their relationship. Buck up and stop trying to make everyone else's life hard (especially children) to make yourself happy.
What a bizzarre response.

You are not being unreasonable at all op. It's weird and unnecessary!

WorraLiberty · 28/06/2020 20:31

Blimey, I'm really pretty easygoing about most things on MN but I'd find that weird.

ComDummings · 28/06/2020 20:31

That’s weird as fuck

Bionical89 · 28/06/2020 20:32

Yeah this is really weird. It's definitely not your issue, it's theirs, they have few boundaries. This won't be the only issue to croup up I imagine

justanotherone123 · 28/06/2020 20:32

Weird

I'm not surprised you're upset

GinandGobbledegook · 28/06/2020 20:32

What??? I have to wholly disagree with the previous poster.

My DP and his ex have a healthy relationship, they coparent and would go as far as to say they are friends. She came to our wedding and have socialised with him.... BUT.... if either of them said they loved each other I would be so hurt. That's a phrase used only for us or his child.

Toxalina · 28/06/2020 20:32

No way, thats a step too far, its hurtful to you and a bit weird imo..

Amanduh · 28/06/2020 20:33

Erm definitely 100% yanbu. Saying ‘I love you’ at the end of a phonecall to an ex when you have a new partner is unbelievably fucking weird.

Caramel78 · 28/06/2020 20:33

I’d hate it

Casander · 28/06/2020 20:34

No I don't think you're being unreasonable, and I don't understand the previous poster having a pop at you either. I get on with my ex husband, he's friends with DH and he even has dinner here, but I wouldn't say "I love you" because 1. I don't, and 2. It would be disrespectful to DH!

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all op.

PumpkinP · 28/06/2020 20:35

Can’t believe the first response. Weird. Yanbu op

TeamLannister · 28/06/2020 20:35

You are definitely not being unreasonable, it's inappropriate and bizarre. And creepy. His response is also crazy. Does she say it back? I'd be off...

leafeater · 28/06/2020 20:36

So many people I know just end all conversations with 'Love you'..... it's not the same as a 'I love you' declaration. Depends on context

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 28/06/2020 20:36

I'm really very easy going, not really the jealous type at all.

I would hate that, and I would probably issue an ultimatum over that to be honest. It stops or I go. Its massively disrespectful to you.

Sk1nnyB1tch · 28/06/2020 20:37

How did he become your DP when this was happening? I'd have run a mile before he got to BF!!

thepeopleversuswork · 28/06/2020 20:38

I think it’s fairly odd and it would make me raise an eyebrow.

That said there are some ex partners who are very amicable and comfortable with one another like platonic friends. Particularly if they split a long time ago and get on and coparent well. Its not necessarily a threat to your relationship. I also think if there were anything fishy going on he wouldn’t do it in front of you/in your earshot.

It depends a lot on what their relationship is like. Do they come across like old friends?

Shoxfordian · 28/06/2020 20:38

I wouldn't be happy about it either. It's good they have an amicable relationship but saying they still love each other is weird

CreditCrackers · 28/06/2020 20:39

Clearly absolutely no one on this thread are viewing this from anyone other than OP's perspective. Imagine if your parents broke up but remained in a really good place with each other, then your dad started dating someone else and she said he wasn't allowed to say "I love you" to your mum anymore - even though your dad did still love your mum. Would you still think it's reasonable? If you don't want to be with someone who loves someone else then don't be with someone who has a child with someone else. It's your choice who you're with, it's not your choice how he feels or what he says.

PumpkinP · 28/06/2020 20:40

To pp who are making out that it’s a friends thing I bet he manages not to say it to his other friends after a phone call Hmm

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 28/06/2020 20:41

CreditCrackers my parents could still be in a good place with each other without disrespecting their current partners. What is fine when your single, isn't always fine when you're in a relationship.

PumpkinP · 28/06/2020 20:42

If you don't want to be with someone who loves someone else then don't be with someone who has a child with someone else

Not everyone still loves their children’s other parent!

Rumtopf · 28/06/2020 20:42

That's weird and yanbu.

@creditcrackers are you the OP's DP?