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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP saying 'I love you' to his ex

181 replies

Cheesestring84 · 28/06/2020 20:27

At the end of a phone call and when saying goodbye my dp and his ex say 'I love you'. I told him I find it upsetting and he thinks it is my issue rather than theirs. I know they want to stay friends for the sake of the children but this feels like a step too far. Is it just me?

OP posts:
Royalbloo · 29/06/2020 19:33

If my ex DH said that I'd either think it was a mistake - like you'd accidentally say at work, it that he meant exactly that. YANBU

harriethoyle · 29/06/2020 19:47

YADDDDDNBU

ToBBQorNotToBBQ · 29/06/2020 20:01

Wow...... if you told him you do not like it (who the hell would) and he still does it then he has more respect for the ex than for you. If they still love each other why aren't they still together.

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 29/06/2020 20:04

YA definitely NBU!
No way!!! 😡😡😡

WaterOffADucksCrack · 29/06/2020 20:21

I wouldn't be giving ultimatums or trying to stop it or come between them. I'd just end the relationship. Otherwise you'll have to accept it but then you'll be unhappy.

Original poster
Cheesestring84 · 30/06/2020 15:53

Thank you all. I stood my ground and he did finally admit it felt weird she did it when they first split, I think he is just constantly scared of rocking the boat with her. He has now told her I have an issue with it, so we shall see...

OP posts:
MarkRuffaloCrumble · 30/06/2020 15:58

He has now told her I have an issue with it, so we shall see

Uh oh! Watch her ramp it up now Grin

He should have told her that HE has an issue with it - all he’s done now is make it sound like you’re being mean and not letting them be best fwends!

TenShortStories · 30/06/2020 16:31

He's just used you as a scapegoat. Does he not want to present you and he as a united front to his ex? He's made you out to be the enemy to their little setup and the reason things will have to change. I'd not be impressed with that either I'm afraid!

GinDrinker00 · 30/06/2020 16:37

Very odd.

Original poster
Cheesestring84 · 30/06/2020 16:38

Uh oh! Watch her ramp it up now
She doesn't need an excuse. We were due to go away for the weekend just before lockdown when she calmly informed us she was 'tempted to maybe take an overdose' and so we needed to cancel the trip. There have been many instances of erratic behaviour and I do feel for her because she clearly isn't emotionally stable. I am not sure it will ever be easy Sad

OP posts:
MarkRuffaloCrumble · 30/06/2020 17:03

We were due to go away for the weekend just before lockdown when she calmly informed us she was 'tempted to maybe take an overdose' and so we needed to cancel the trip

Oh Jeez! I see why he doesn’t want to rock the boat. But he’ll be forever at the mercy of her whims if he doesn’t step away from her drama. Next time she says that, tell her you’ll call 999 for her. See if she magically makes a miraculous recovery when she sees he won’t come running but will instead refer her to appropriate medical help!

FizzyGreenWater · 30/06/2020 17:09

I wouldn't be hurrying to get a tattoo of this DP's name across my back, let's put it that way.

OP do you need this kind of shit?!

How long have you been together?

No no no NO to the mealy-mouthed 'Oh she has a problem with it' - NO. Does HE have a problem with it? - yes or no? If he does, he stops saying it and he TELLS HER that he doesn't love her and that's that. If he DOESN'T have a problem with it - BYE.

If this is the way he 'resolves' issues you are doomed.

He's jumping to her tune.

I strongly, strongly suggest you tell him that if he can't even tell his ex that no, he doesn't want to say he loves her WHEN HE'S IN A NEW RELATIONSHIP... then he's not ready to be in one.

You're out, tell him to call when he's worked out what he wants. You might still be single.

Winterwoollies · 30/06/2020 17:43

It is weird as fuck! Please ignore the posters bashing you for ‘trying to come between them’. Jesus.

Isthisnothing · 30/06/2020 17:49

The first reply on this thread is a very good contender for the other thread asking for most OTT responses on MN.

I have only read the first page so apologies if this has been pointed out already

FTMF30 · 30/06/2020 17:56

@Isthisnothing

The first reply on this thread is a very good contender for the other thread asking for most OTT responses on MN.

I have only read the first page so apologies if this has been pointed out already

😂 I thought the same.
Somethingkindaoooo · 30/06/2020 18:14

OP
Did you say she won't come in and have a cuppa?

Original poster
Cheesestring84 · 30/06/2020 19:11

Yes, somethingkindaoooo together just under 18 months, recently moved in together. They share custody equally so would be a lot easier and nicer if she and I could be amicable.

OP posts:
Somethingkindaoooo · 01/07/2020 19:18

@Cheesestring84

Yes, somethingkindaoooo together just under 18 months, recently moved in together. They share custody equally so would be a lot easier and nicer if she and I could be amicable.
Right- Its definitely weird then. If his ex was friendly with you, if she had moved on, then MAYBE saying ' I love you' could be all grown up and cool. This sounds like she very much isn't over him, and perhaps he likes it. That's really not nice of him- to either of you
firstimemamma · 01/07/2020 19:38

Yanbu it's weird and wrong. Inappropriate.

RyanBergarasTeeth · 01/07/2020 21:52

Eughhh op is your dp my dp?! Mine drunkenly tells his ex and dss mother i love you and ive told him its so inappropriate yet he tries to justify it by she is the mother of his child so he will always love her. I just ignore it but it does make me seethe.

Dougalthesyrianhamster · 01/07/2020 22:10

They're fucking. Sorry to be so blunt....

There's sexual chemistry screaming from this

Biomedical · 01/07/2020 23:25

Mumsnet is such a weird place, you’re deffo not being unreasonable, child or no child you don’t tell someone other than your current partner that you love them. I would be super suspicious and at the least it would be a deal breaker

QueSera · 01/07/2020 23:38

It is inappropriate and frankly bizarre.
Why are you with someone who tells another woman he loves her?

FlaskMaster · 01/07/2020 23:40

What. The. Fuck! Just no. Totally unacceptable and a deal-breaker. I'd be out of there like a shot if I were you op.

Kellylabrant87 · 02/07/2020 08:23

My husband and I are really good friends with my ex and his fiancé, we hang out together all the time, go to each other’s houses for dinner, they were at our wedding etc but I would NEVER tell my ex I love him! So innapropriate and to be honest if it was the other way round and my partner did this to me I’d be giving him an ultimatum! He should of told his ex that HE has an issue with it, not making you the scape goat!

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