To miss my good looks.

[lovelifehope]

I know it’s shallow in the big scheme of things, but I cant help the way I feel. Good looks fade so quick, aibu to mourne their loss? Sometimes I feel invisible.Anyone else feel the same?

My DD nearly 19, is so beautiful and young and naturally slim, with amazing skin and long luscious hair. It kills me when she moans about her body or hair. I want to shake her and scream wait until you're 42 and have had 4 kids - then you can moan.

I couldn't care less if men fancy me or not, most of them are knobs anyway. Got better things to worry about

I rem as a v pretty (tho not knowing it) teenager my Motger's angst when I dyed hair, shaved head (not quite bald but close), wore ridiculous make-up (think 80's).. & eye roll when she'd say that I didn't realise how young & beautiful I was but wait til I was her age....I am almost now and I totally get it...no more whistles for me ....altho they aren't allowed now as un pc...so maybe that is the reason. Altho I think not...my looks are faded, there are flashes of youth some days...but the freshness & clear skin, bright eyes are gone really. And so is my Mum with all her wisdom.

In my teens I was called ugly by lads at school loads, which hurt, know what you mean about being seen as almost offensive to look at. Felt slightly better towards my late teens, sometimes attracted blokes, was quite slim, although had a messed up relationship with food. Got to uni and into a long term relationship with a bloke who was quite socially awkward and not good looking to be honest, he liked me and tbh I was grateful to be liked, although he (and one other bloke) said you might not be the best looking girl but ...... Met my DH when I was 22, he has always found me attractive. As I've got older I've accepted that I wont ever be pretty but I've got style, that was a quote I saw someone that really resonated with me. I've got a noticeable eye problem (have had failed ops to try to rectify this, so have had to accept) and I am fair skinned. I dye my hair bright colours (turquoise at the moment), quite like the glasses that I wear, make an effort with my clothes and make up. I'm not as slim as I was in my 30s, cannot get under 9stone, but I can still dress for my shape. For me funky beats the hell out of ugly. In a way glad I didn't have daughters, as I would have worried that they'd look like me, my boys are both handsome, look more like my DH.

I couldn't care less if men fancy me or not, most of them are knobs anyway.

It's not that I care about men fancying me. What I miss is people being 'nice' to me. Holding open a door instead of letting it swing shut in my face. Giving me room to pass versus walking right through me. That sort of thing.

I care if men fancy me. I would like not to give up on sex or a relationship at 45
It might be fine to say that if you’re happy being on your own or happy being married.

I find it really depressing that my value has depreciated due to how I look. In general. I hope I can find someone out there who doesn’t think like that. But men in their 40s and early 50s seem to be surprisingly shallow it seems.

It's unfair that men age well, can even look better as they age while us women (as my dad put it) have a 'shelf life'.

I think few men age better maybe they peak a little later but many are more confident because of their work

I know many older women who are still attractive men still find them attractive but they do look after themselves I think also not trying to hold on to being youthful helps

@Someone1987

It's unfair that men age well, can even look better as they age while us women (as my dad put it) have a 'shelf life'.

Dear God, who told you that men age well? Ugly men? It's usually them. Hollywood superstars often do, but the women are usually pretty damn fine as well, finer than the men. The average Joe? Really? Where do you live that's full of silver foxes? I'll move tomorrow.

Also, your dad is a misogynistic prick who probably looks like he fell out of Michael Gove's arse. Never knew a good looking one who spouted that stuff.

To paraphrase Julie Burchill.people say good looks are a passport but they're a Visa, that soon runs out.

I was stunning when young and now very average. I enjoyed the positive aspects of youthful good looks but never relied on it. Youth is always attractive, it has to be.

I'm glad of where I am and grateful that I relayed mostly on hard work and grit rather than looks in life. Common sense really.

I'm sorry, if I could edit that post a bit for tone then I would. I've just seen so, so many fat, balding, unattractive men telling us how great it is that they get sexier while women just get dried up. It's so misogynistic and so common, and such utter crap. The average older man really is not a shit ton sexier than the average woman of the same age!

Sheba, although I am sure you are wrong about the pp's dad, who I'm sure was perfectly nice looking...I did properly guffaw at "looks like he fell out of Michael Gove's arse". So, while yes, I'm sure you wish you'd been less insulting, that insult will stay with me for life. So, thanks!

What I said was entirely true, but I should not have said it directly about another poster's father (though if anyone likes, you're welcome to say it about mine). I should have just said something like "what a horrible misogynistic remark, and I'm guessing he looks like George Clooney?" I apologise for that.

I type almost as fast as I talk and there isn't much filter either way.

I used to include a photo with every CV I sent off when applying for jobs. (You know 25 years ago 🙄) never failed to get me an interview. Not sure I’d have that much luck these days 😂

@ShebaShimmyShake no offence taken, you're entirely right!

I've found that people are more polite towards me now as an older person, especially young people. Maybe it's where I live, in rural Ireland. It has to be said that generally speaking, the men here are really polite and considerate towards women as well.

As Coco Chanel said, You can be gorgeous at thirty, charmimg at forty, and irresistible for the rest of your life!

It's unfair that men age well, can even look better as they age while us women (as my dad put it) have a 'shelf life'

Sorry but that's typical male delusion.

Most men do not age well. Fewer still actually look better as they age. What's worse, delusion and arrogance of the type quoted above makes them think that their nasal hairs, pot bellies and balding pates make them attractive to hot young women. Well, they're not.

Not saying there are no attractive older men - there are, but they're a small minority. There are way more attractive older women in my experience. "Shelf life"? Do us all a favour and take a look in the mirror some day, maybe?

Yes, it’s hard isnt it.

Im 52 now and I look back at pictures from twenty years ago and wish I’d realised how good I looked instead of fretting over that last half a stone or the fact that one tooth was crooked. Even ten years ago I was still turning heads with no make-up and bed hair.

Now I could waltz into GCHQ in just my bra and knickers and no one would notice me.

Age does have some advantages though, as now, nobody pesters me and I’m always taken seriously.

@IcedPurple totally agree. It's pathetic, my dad doesn't realise how deluded he is. No woman would ever want him.

(aside from my poor mum who put up with so much and died 13 years ago before getting to enjoy what she deserved, away from my dad)

Sorry to hear that Someone .

@LadyPrigsbottom thank you

Apologies for going off on a tangent there ...

Realised this one night in a bar... back in the day people would offer to buy me a drink or let me go in front of them in the queue. Now there is a look of disgust as I take up too much space. I don't go to bars anymore.

I used to include a photo with every CV I sent off when applying for jobs. (You know 25 years ago 🙄) never failed to get me an interview. Not sure I’d have that much luck these days 😂

@passthemustard

Im not disputing that you were a real looker 😍 back in the day.... but.... I assumed that most initial recruitment and HR would have been a woman’s role. My 20 plus years has historically shown me that it’s women that decide who fits the short list criteria as they are predominantly the ones in HR.

I don’t necessarily think it works the same way when a woman in charge. I can understand why men would pick younger attractive women for roles, but I don’t think women think that way.

So again, whilst I’m sure you were gorgeous, I wouldn’t necessarily assume that was the only reason you got the interview! You must have stood out for different reasons.