To miss my good looks.

[lovelifehope]

I know it’s shallow in the big scheme of things, but I cant help the way I feel. Good looks fade so quick, aibu to mourne their loss? Sometimes I feel invisible.Anyone else feel the same?

How often, being realistic, do you see a woman partnered with a man who is significantly more attractive than she is? Even age difference relationships where attractiveness is at a similar level are much less common with the woman as the older partner. But the sight of an ugly man with a beautiful woman is nothing unusual.

I see larger women with normal weight men more often than the other way around though.

I spent my early teens miserable & depressed about my ‘ugliness’, I can remember thinking ‘I don’t want to be pretty just not ugly’
I blossomed after about 15 and was happy with my looks even after 4 children.
Turning 50 was when everything seemed to head south almost overnight and it was hard for a while.
I’m nearly 60 now & I’m more comfortable in my skin than ever.
Life and loss over 60 years helps you to get looks into perspective & the older you get the more good health becomes the main priority.
I wouldn’t want to be young and beautiful these days, my daughters have had so much sleazy shit from men from about age 13, it’s constant - on the street, at work, on public transport, in clubs.
Even if they’re walking with DH or me these disgusting men still leer & shout.
Unless my memory is totally gone it is much frequent and the men doing it are much more intimidating & aggressive than in the 70s/80s.

@Doggybiccys

I wasn't victim blaming, I was asking why her children think it's OK to say that. Maybe you should have another read of what I put.

That's interesting, Seren. A quick Google (NHS 2017 study) tells me that 62% of women are overweight/obese and 67% of men (in the UK) but that doesn't tell us the relative ages at which the weight is gained. There are a couple of obvious hormonal triggers for women - pregnancy and menopause - but no real equivalent of that for men. The study also says "Being overweight but not obese was more common among men than women." So I wonder if that's because women are more likely to become noticeably overweight at an earlier stage. The numbers on their own suggest an overweight man with a slim woman should be slightly more common, but obviously it's not that simple.

I love being invisible! I am entertained by the younger people at work flirting and posturing, and they are self absorbed and don’t notice my bemusement. At 59, my face has changed (and that wattle!) although I am an entirely average weight, normal BMI. Still, the years show on my face. In my work, retirement is common at 62, although I’d like to wait for 65. I am worn out, tired, health has taken a dive, but when I go home my DH thinks he has the sexiest woman alive. And really, that’s all that matters anyway.

I’ve always felt invisible, didn’t have any boyfriends prior to being with DH (met him when I was 14 and at school), I was never one to receive attention or turn any heads that I know of. I’m now almost 50, have been on HRT since I was 44, and 3 kids, I’m a bit overweight which I’m doing something about BUT I don’t feel invisible anymore. I get loads of attention now (I won’t do anything about it as I’m married very happily but I gives me a lovely confidence boost).

I do have more time and money to spend on myself but I’ve been told I have good skin, I have good teeth and thankfully very good hair but I do need to dye it now.

isabellerossignol

So true ! So so true

I enjoyed my looks and being slim effortlessly but I now realise it was mostly for the male gaze. Since being single by choice I’ve stopped bothering about my appearance which was a mistake as now I realise my health could be endangered by my weight. Otherwise I don’t miss the loss of decent looks but therapy and self care have given me confidence and very good emotional health which I value more

I'm 47 now. I worried about being fat in my younger days but looking back I had an amazing figure and face. I started to feel most beautiful when I met my dh, i really 'found' myself. I've had major health issues over more recent years and am trying to lose the weight I gained as a result. I run regularly again now. I'm still pretty I think, try to make the most of myself and often get told by people that they thought I was 10 years younger than I am. I Don't know if this is relevant to the post, but I work in a female dominated environment with women ranging from 20 to 60+. A few years ago one of the younger girls was getting married. Some people thought of her as being very pretty. She certainly wasn't stunning and was quite 'fake' looking. She seemed a pleasant enough girl though and not really 'up herself'. One day, just before her marriage one of the loud, 60+ woman said to this girl in the middle of a crowded staffroom "You'll never have to worry about what's for tea, will you with your looks". It was said in all seriousness.The girl looked a bit embarrassed and I inwardly cringed. It felt a bit insulting to the girl and everyone else present especially girls around the same age as the younger one.

@ItallwentwrongwhenBowieleft I remember feeling the same! Didnt care about being seen as pretty, just didnt want to be seen as v ugly anymore! It was such a relief to become more invisible rather than constantly being called ugly by blokes!

I feel your pain. I had no idea how attractive I was in my twenties and thirties. Now I feel totally invisible and faded

Honestly? I'm not fussed really. My DC would think I looked lovely no matter how I looked so meh. I was pretty in my twenties in a sort of fresh slim youthful way, now I would say I clean up good.

But I'm happy and confident, I've hit an age in my life where I really dont care what other people think, of my looks or otherwise.

gypsy and bowie, I can definitely relate to that! Although I like to look as nice as I can, I love being less on show now.

As a quite chubby and not pretty teen, I felt like I was an abomination. Actually offensive to look at. This was reinforced by nasty comments from some boys. I longed to be invisible like older women!

Now I think I look quite nice. I'm still overweight, but I'm not too bad, (I do need to lose weight though), and I wear clothes which I think flatter me etc.

But anyway, nobody really looks at me. As a teenaged girl, young men always used to stare and evaluate, make comments etc. Now they ignore me and it's wonderful by comparison. I used to feel the same when gay, male friends used to take me to gay bars. People looked right through me there too and I absolutely loved it.

@LadyPrig That abomination thing was crazy wasnt it! Like it was an actual offence to not look a certain way. I was shocked at how much a LOT of men absolutely loathe women they dont wish to sleep with. Very eye opening tbh!

YY gypsy, as if, there being a woman in their vicinity who they didn't want to have sex with made them genuinely angry and disgusted. In hindsight, it's clearly a lot more about them than us. I'm so much happier now.

My mum had the other problem where she was outrageously good looking and then obviously that didn't last. It couldn't! Nobody looks perfect their whole life. Of course she was always beautiful to me, but some hard years definitely meant she was no longer a head turner and that really hurt her I think. She was very resilient though and she pulled herself through.

But I think either can be a problem sometimes.

I never thought I looked good until I reached my forties (in comparison!). I wish I don't have to look presentable for work anymore, it's bloody hard work and still feel look so old and tired!

So much of this thread has resonated with me. I was very attractive when I was young with lots of attention - which on reflection did make me feel uncomfortable but I didn't know how to handle it.

Fast forward, I am now 52. I've maintained my looks/body as far as I can and I still get compliments and attention but it's very different. I feel very much a mother/parent and not the person who I was or indeed who I want to be if I'm being perfectly honest! I feel like I'm acting a part, not my real self.

And I do feel I am becoming invisible and totally empathise with OP. It is amplified even more when I see my beautiful daughter who is pretty, intelligent, hard working and full of life - she has a constant string of male admirers (and is repeatedly told she looks like me!) A few years ago we were told we look like sisters (she is a replica of me in my youth) and somehow this makes it even harder!

I am very lucky, I have a loving family, a wonderful life and there is nothing I should be unhappy about. I see my daughter and I see myself - it's hard but at the same time I am so happy for her, knowing she has her life ahead of her.

The HUGE difference is that she is full of confidence and determination - with hindsight I was the opposite, not knowing how to deal with the attention and having to cope with male attitudes in the 80's when I was in my 20's.

I can't quite express the emotion I feel though when I see her as a replica of me - I'm proud, happy and full of love but at the same time there's a tinge of jealousy. Or perhaps that's too strong a word, but it's a certain wishing I could have it all again with the confidence she has.

It’s the speed that the looks disappear. When your young you feel like it’s never going to happen, and then it’s gone and sometimes even for just one day a year I wish could get those looks back. Still I’m happier as I’ve aged.

The bloom of youth is very fleeting. Id love the confidence of now with the body of 16 year old me.

Ha! Wait until you're in your 60s! I was a stunner in my youth and what frustrates me most now is that I work with youngsters who all just see an old, grey haired woman. It never occurs to any of them that when I was there age I looked really good . I am happy with my looks, just frustrated that my colleagues think I always looked like this!

Did any of us imagine how hot and youthful older people once were when we were young?

I've got some red hot photos of myself from my prime, some even semi-pornographic. When I'm in a care home, I'm having them framed and on display.

Tweet and tits girls, teeth and tits,
Get the teeth white( but not USA type white) and fixed and hoik up the boobs, does wonders for the rest of you

Get the teeth white( but not USA type white) and fixed and hoik up the boobs, does wonders for the rest of you

Hmm. Not if your teeth are irregular and wonky with gaps like tombstones. They can be as white as snow and still look hideous.

As for tits, nothing short of a crane would hoik mine up and wherever they are on my chest, they just look matronly.

People with basically decent features are all too often under the impression that a few quick beauty fixes are all that's needed - unfortunately if your skeleton, skull, teeth etc. are the 'wrong' shape there is little you can do (save possibly dental implants for the teeth which are out of most people's budget).

A good lipstick or tinted lip balm does make a big difference to anyone. Something about a splash of the right colour there livens everyone up.

I was only ever about a 6 or at best 7 out of ten. aged 44 I'm probably about half that now. not my favourite thing in the world but I can live with it. just avoid mirrors, photos, etc, they're a bunch of lying whatevers.