To miss my good looks.

[lovelifehope]

I know it’s shallow in the big scheme of things, but I cant help the way I feel. Good looks fade so quick, aibu to mourne their loss? Sometimes I feel invisible.Anyone else feel the same?

I’d always thought I was average looking and a bit chubby when I was younger. I had loads of male friends and thought they liked me because I was cool rather than how I looked.

Now I look at old photos and realise that they all only wanted to know me because of how I looked. I had a Kim K figure before it was fashionable and what I thought of as fat was actually sexy curves.

Now I’m definitely just chubby and although I’m glad I can walk down the street without sleazy blokes shouting at me, I definitely miss my youthful looks.

@DDIJ

I don't know what I look like. I don't have any photos. I don't have a mirror. My ex always said I was ugly but on some level I didn't believe him. How would I know if I was ugly? How would I know what I looked like? DC now say I am ugly so I think ex was right. I never had any looks.

I'm quite certain you are NOT ugly, and your ex sounds like an utter pig, especially as presumably he found you attractive enough to have sex with and be in a relationship with. It's quite likely he lied to you, because he felt you would be less likely to leave him if you thought no one else would want you.

And your children have probably picked up on his cruel behaviour and don't know any better. Don't ask them again.

As a society, we put too much emphasis on beauty. Just by the law of averages, most people are average-looking rather than stunningly beautiful or hideously ugly. I'm sure you look fine. Go and buy a mirror, and learn to like what you see in it, whatever that is.

I never was pretty, and have been overweight all my adult life, but I'm intelligent, kind and funny, and those qualities show in my face. It's enough to make me attractive to the sort of man I'd want to attract.

Someone told my kids I was stunning and could of been a model when I was younger. They were incredulous, I mean absolutely flabbergasted. They clearly didn’t believe it and asked my DH if that was true, obviously very used to me being fat and old now.

There’s a few celebs that I think look better with age, Carol Vorderman, Amanda Holden and Davina McCall. They have all ages fantastically. Some haven’t faired as well.

It’s the same I’m real life imo. Some people peak at 20 some at 40.

I think it illustrates it is a short time when you’re deemed the perfect age and that’s between 20-30. Ironically most people don’t appreciate it then!

I'm sorry that you're feeling like this. Personally I found aging a relief and was glad to see the back of the attentions of men. I like my wrinkles and I like my greying hair, they make me look more interesting (to me at least).

Accidentally took a photo of myself on the ever so flattering front camera, I looked like a miserable fat middle aged woman. I burst into tears when I seen it, I have had a rough year with illness etc and put a ton of weight on which doesn't help but I was pretty demoralising that is how others see me now

Have been having nostalgia for my thinner body today. So much more difficult to lose weight in your 50s. It makes me a bit sad, but I wish it didn't.

I accidentally caught on fire 12 years ago and it's left me with some horizontal scarring on my neck from the gold chains I was wearing at the time with vertically stretched neck skin. My face lights up a bright red T zone after one glass of wine or if I have been out in the sunshine, due to the different ages of my facial skin.

I have a growth on one eye which covers part of the iris which everyone stares at when talking to me, my teeth have decided to start to move in different directions to each other which the dentist tells me its common for my age... and I'm going through menopause and sweating like a pig one moment, and freezing cold the next.

So I feel like a right ''stunner'' too! So Not!!

But I have got to the age of thinking f... them if looks are what people need to judge others by. I don't move in big social circles but have a tight knit small group of good friends. I love my family and they love me.

I think I'm doing better than alright, and much better than the days when I too, was really pretty, but totally insecure, lacked confidence, allowed someone to bully me so much I missed out on enjoying my younger years properly.

I wouldn't trade place with me today for me 30 years ago at all. I count my blessings and if this is all I have lost, then I'm doing very well indeed.

I bet you've got a hell of a lot of other things going for you, and those things mean a hell of a lot more than still looking like a 20 year old. Try to find the things that make you feel good about yourself NOW.

Also I spot so many posters in this thread saying the same thing...I used to be so insecure and now I look back and see how beautiful I was...take that and apply it to NOW! Visualise yourself in 20 years thinking the exact same about yourself right now!

I'm nearly 60. I'd love to be 20lb lighter; I know I'm no spring chicken but I still look after myself and at a party men still flirt a bit and I've been happily married for 30 years

But I have got to the age of thinking f... them if looks are what people need to judge others by. I don't move in big social circles but have a tight knit small group of good friends. I love my family and they love me.
Good for you!

I do think there is a good point here. I’m also feeling a bit sad I am not turning heads. I’m 47, and never realized I was that good looking until I now look back at photos. I didn’t even realize it then.

However now l am separating from DP and he is still turning heads, younger women love him. I know part of the reason he’s leaving is that I’ve got older. If I was 35 he’d still be with me. He’s a shallow selfish man. I know it’s going to be much harder for me now to get a partner my age. It’s definitely a female problem.

But I also think, we’ll F... them! I’m bringing up a child with severe SN. I still look after myself, I’m fit and fun to be around. I have experience, I can talk about anything with anyone, I have a certain amount of wisdom of years, I have bought up kids on my own, I have had a good career.

I have substance. On the inside. And I’m proud of myself. I have great friends and family who don’t care how that I’m not so good looking anymore. If I don’t get another partner, I think my life will still be rich, meaningful and interesting.

I better looking in real life than in photos, I just don't photograph well (or it could be that my husband is crap at taking a decent photo!) and I hate the photos from the last decade or so because having two kids close together I just look washed out and tired in the photos. However, if I watch old film footage, I look more like me and I wish I was that slim now although at the time I hated being so slim!

I will tell you from experience that there are many many lovely young men who are very interested in 'older' women ie 40s and upwards----if that is what you are looking for, it is certainly there. So common but not often openly discussed. There are lots of 'older' men who are also looking for that too. So being over a certain age doesn't mean you cant turn heads.

Love is the death of beauty!

As a teenager I was obsessed with my image, that faded over my 20s and now I'm in my 30s I couldn't give a fuck. Thank God, because I don't think I could handle another 30/40/50 years of worrying about what people think of how I look.

OP I get you, I'm 45 and going through this and it's a bit of a headfuck really.

Carol Vorderman, Nigella Lawson and Amanda Holden from posts above, are not good examples of women who have aged well! They are examples of women who have had a fair amount of work done, and now look a little bit weird. Amanda not too bad, but a lot of botox for sure. Which is fine, and totally up to them, but don't be thinking they've 'aged well'.

Agree with everyone here, I’m 41 and I hate that I am now overweight and average looking, I was really pretty once 😞. My DH went from being a bit goofy in his teens to 30’s to quite hot in his 40’s, it’s all very depressing!. Getting older sucks

I think Amanda Holden looks so fake and waxy almost. I saw a pic of Pasty Palmer in insta the other day and she looks very natural and beautiful in her mid 40s.
I’ve always been unattractive and in my teens it bothered me hugely. When I got to my early 20s I met an extremely good looking and amazing man who found me really attractive- it really boosted my confidence in that you can be sexy and attractive without being good looking and changed my perspective. Being attractive is very confidence based imo
Since then my looks have never been a barrier to anything and now in my 40s I feel better than ever

Re the Roald Dahl quote; I know he was an extremely flawed character btw and some of his books are racist and would never be published today.

But re this particular quote, no, I really don't think it is supposed to mean that a person's features change so that they suddenly have a classically beautiful face and smoking bod because they think nice thoughts. Nor is it the other way round, with ugly thoughts changing someone's features to make them lose their classically good looking features.

I always interpreted it as saying that even with perfect features and classic good looks, if you are cruel, vindictive, a bully or generally unkind, people will still run a mile from you, despite your good looks. I definitely think this is true. Even the most beautiful person, if cruel or unkind, will quickly lose their appeal to me and I don't even notice their physical beauty anymore. If you have classically less good looking features, (he says very overweight, crooked nose and chin, hairy wart etc), people will still be attracted to your personality. But no, your face won't literally change into a clasically "pretty" one.

So if boys at school or anyone took this to mean that classically good looking girls deserved their good looks because they thought nice thoughts, I don't think they read it properly.

That said, I think the illustration is more problematic. It does appear to make the ugly thoughts woman look less good looking, so I can see why some people don't like it.

Yes, some people are just better looking, in a widely accepted, standard way. You can look at people and identify the pretty / handsome ones. But my point was, that it doesn't mean these people are the most attractive people and I think the Roald Dahl quote illustrates that fairly well.... but that's clearly open to interpretation.

God I hate that twee Roald Dahl quote sorry it’s nonsense anyway.

Yeah I’m here. My teeth have gone more crooked. I’m 2.5 St overweight. But I can’t be arsed to lose it.
Newly single. Literally no attention online.5 years ago a bit of attention. My ex who is 50 started dating a fucking 30 year old.
I can’t even get a date with someone I wouldn’t have touched with a barge pole years ago!

For years I felt I got on in life not just on my skills but, probably, due to what I looked like too. Now I'm older I can happily know that now it IS my skills not my looks that keep my in business as I've passed my 'good looks' down to my beautiful daughters and it's a lovely way to move on from my time to see them revel in theirs ! Ok I'm human so sometimes I catch a glimpse of a reflection or snap shot that saddens me, but then I remind myself that I'm still me so it really doesn't matter, those that love me unconditionally don't mind, so nor should I.

I think the Roald Dahl quote isn't supposed to mean what some people have interpreted it as.

It's saying that beauty is more than looks, it's an energy which connects someone to others.

We all know people who are superficially attractive but are unpleasant people - this is what makes them ugly.

Equally we know people who are not traditionally superficially attractive but are beautiful people because of the energy they put out there.

Put anger, negativity and misery out there and this is what people perceive (regardless of how your face looks in relation to traditional beauty standards). Put love and openness out there and people will connect with you more.