To not want to always take my sisters child out with us?

[forfoxsakee]

I arranged to meet my mum today to go for a walk around Matlock bath and have an ice cream and some fish and chips in the gardens as it's my day off from work.This morning my sister also appeared at her house with my two year old niece before we left and it turns out she had rang her and arranged for us to take my niece with us as well. We've just got back and tbh it wasn't enjoyable it was a bit of a nightmare trailing a buggy and a child in this heat, she was hot and there were no toilets and she is only just potty trained. My mum has form for this and has done it before when we have arranged to go out together and we have ended up going round a farm park or other despite the fact that I have no children on my own yet. I love my niece to bits but aibu to want to be consulted first as it changes the whole dynamic of the day and sometimes I just want to spend time with my mum and have an adult day to be honest. I have tried to gently raise this with my mum before but she just accuses me of not liking children, which isn't the case as I spend plenty of time with my sister and niece. It's not for childcare either as my sister is at home today.

YANBU. You need to be more direct and more firm with your mum. So what if you dont like children? Like them or not, you want to be consulted before she agrees.

I have kids and I wouldn’t want to constantly have other people’s kids on my trips/visits.

I would be frustrated, too. Obviously, you love your sister and your niece, but there's nothing wrong with wanting private time with just you and your mum. Having a toddler along changes the whole dynamic. It's a shame your mum doesn't see that, and ridiculous to insinuate you don't like children.

Does your sister come as well or does she just leave you with your niece?! If the latter, that’s just bloody cheeky!

What about next time saying please do not invite X. I love her but I also want to spend some time just with my mum.

And if she springs it on you then honestly the best thing would be to say I specifically asked you not to do this. Ok, you two head off and let's arrange another day when you and I can do something together

And don't go, regardless the tantrum.

So dsis actually had your day off?

I love toddlers but it was such a hot day, they’d be better off with a paddling pool in the shade.

No my sister doesn't hardly ever come. If I mention it my mum just says well me and niece will just go on a bus somewhere together then and that makes me feel guilty.

YANBU at all. Of course you don't always have to have DN with you.

I can't imagine it was a very enjoyable day for a 2yo in the blazing heat.

I've been working shifts all week and I just wanted a bloody relaxing day and I was so looking forward to it after not being able to go out anywhere for months.

Just say to your mum, "let me know when you have a child free day and we will plan something".

I'm afraid I wouldn't come if my 2yr old wasn't welcome. My girls go everywhere with me, and I love having them around. Totally understand that you don't, but it would be a deal breaker for me. Days without my children are for going to a grown up evening out or a spa day, or something adult, not a trip to the seaside. Sorry!

It sounds like she wants to take the bairn out but also wants another pair of hands.

Ask her to come with you to the bingo or some other adult only place. That's what I do with friends who always have to bring their kids along to everything.

*obviously when they're open.

I agree with a previous poster , next time your mum and sister pull a stunt like this cancel on them. Just say something like your niece tagging along wasn't what you had in mind and you wanted to spend some time together so will rearrange. Stick to it. If you give in and go with them it will continue. Your sister is a cf as she gets child free time and a free day out for her kid.

No my sister doesn't hardly ever come.

Ffs! This makes it even worse! You're being forced to babysit on your day off. Fuck that. Time to set boundaries and stop letting your mum and sister take advantage of you. I'd be telling your mum that you will not be taking your niece, and your mum will have to go it alone if she disregards how you feel.

I would arrange something not child-friendly like a spa day/afternoon tea (when those things are available again) BUT you also need to spell things out clearly to your mum and your sister. They may not realise quite how upset it's making you.

There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with wanting an adult day out with your mum. You could always soften the blow by saying "let's do xyz just you and me mum alone, but then another day why don't we do abc and bring little niece along too?"

@MissingMargherita

I'm afraid I wouldn't come if my 2yr old wasn't welcome. My girls go everywhere with me, and I love having them around. Totally understand that you don't, but it would be a deal breaker for me. Days without my children are for going to a grown up evening out or a spa day, or something adult, not a trip to the seaside. Sorry!

I think you missed that it was meant to be a day out with just her mum. No one else was invited.

Missingmargherita my sister didn't even want to come!

I'm afraid I wouldn't come if my 2yr old wasn't welcome. My girls go everywhere with me, and I love having them around.

But that's an entirely different situation, as surely you can see. The OP's sister doesn't go on these days out with her toddler, she stays at home and does her own thing -- the OP and her mother are babysitting. It's not clear from the OP whether it's her mother or her sister who set this up.

Sorry, just seen sis didn't come. In that case, totally unreasonable, unless your mum doesn't realise how you feel, or your sister was desperate!

@MissingMargherita maybe read the actual OP before stating your completely unrelated stance!

@MissingMargherita

I'm afraid I wouldn't come if my 2yr old wasn't welcome. My girls go everywhere with me, and I love having them around. Totally understand that you don't, but it would be a deal breaker for me. Days without my children are for going to a grown up evening out or a spa day, or something adult, not a trip to the seaside. Sorry!

But the sister isn’t going she’s getting a day off while the OP and her mum look after the niece ..., completely different to being invited on a day out and being told your child isn’t invited

Seems like the problem here is your mum? Maybe she thinks she's being helpful to your sister and likes having your assistance? You've tried talking to her and she doesn't seem to get it. How about talking to your sister? If you said you wanted to take your mum out and knew she'd want to take DN could your sister say she'd got something planned that day?

That's really wrong of your sister and mum. You're basically getting roped in to babysitting a hot and bothered, just toilet trained toddler while your sister gets some peace and quiet. Visiting farms etc is often quite expensive for adults too, I'm sure you've got better things you want to spend your money on. I think say to your mum next time you want it to just be the two of you. If she then says, oh well, we'll just go on the bus then let them! Are they using you as transport to get to places they can't get to on the bus?