To not want to always take my sisters child out with us?

[forfoxsakee]

I arranged to meet my mum today to go for a walk around Matlock bath and have an ice cream and some fish and chips in the gardens as it's my day off from work.This morning my sister also appeared at her house with my two year old niece before we left and it turns out she had rang her and arranged for us to take my niece with us as well. We've just got back and tbh it wasn't enjoyable it was a bit of a nightmare trailing a buggy and a child in this heat, she was hot and there were no toilets and she is only just potty trained. My mum has form for this and has done it before when we have arranged to go out together and we have ended up going round a farm park or other despite the fact that I have no children on my own yet. I love my niece to bits but aibu to want to be consulted first as it changes the whole dynamic of the day and sometimes I just want to spend time with my mum and have an adult day to be honest. I have tried to gently raise this with my mum before but she just accuses me of not liking children, which isn't the case as I spend plenty of time with my sister and niece. It's not for childcare either as my sister is at home today.

MissingMargherita But the child's mum wasn't going on the trip - it was her sister and the child's grandmother, so not comparable to you wanting your kids to go everywhere with you!

Op, you need to be very clear with your mum. If she insists on bringing the child anyway, then don't go. Start to go on trips with friends instead of your mum.

I've just noticed another post from you OP mentioning about them getting the bus without you....are they by any chance using you for your car? That would make me mad if I was in your shoes

Does your sister know you haven’t been consulted? If my mum told me she wanted to take my daughter somewhere with my sister I would assume they both wanted to spend time with her. I’d be mortified to think I was forcing my child on my sister on days when she hadn’t agreed or asked to have her. Can you speak to your sister about it?

@MissingMargherita

I'm afraid I wouldn't come if my 2yr old wasn't welcome. My girls go everywhere with me, and I love having them around. Totally understand that you don't, but it would be a deal breaker for me. Days without my children are for going to a grown up evening out or a spa day, or something adult, not a trip to the seaside. Sorry!

The sister isn't even coming along. She's having a grown up day without her child.

My mum is just besotted with my niece and thinks everyone else feels the same way. I think she likes reliving being around young children again and doesn't realise that other people just aren't that into doing young children things as she is. She doesn't have many friends/hobbies and her life pretty much revolves around my sister and niece.

@MissingMargherita but her sister didn't go with them, she just dropped off her child and then went off to do her own thing?

My mum doesn't have a car so I suppose she relies on me to take her to nice and fun places with my niece.

My sister has a car though.

Just say to your mum, "let me know when you have a child free day and we will plan something"

This

Your sister stole your day off for herself.

So your sister got a nice kid free afternoon! Nice.

You should just left your mother to it. Had a day to yourself.

Tell your mum, from now on she needs to let you know if she is babysitting and you will rearrange.

I absolutely hear you and feel for you and would think you were my own sister saying this if she wasn't abroad. We both have a niece slightly older and the pressure to be inclusive at all times, and never have child free adult time is intense and a bit demoralising, both DM and the sister whose child it is become extremely offended at the suggestion.

No help just saying you aren't alone and I absolutely get you

So you're sister got to sit and relax, enjoying the weather without a toddler. Whilst you had to babysit a hot and bothered 2 year old on your day off from work? YADDDNBU. I think I'd have turned round and gone home.

Practice some responses such as "Oh mum, did you double book yourself to babysit? No worries I'll leave you to it and we'll go out another day, bye!" and exit. Don't let her make you feel guilty.

Your a grown up. You need to accept that your niece is a big part of your moms life and days out with you mom may include her. If you want some adult company take a friend. If you want to spend time with your mom suggest an evening. You can’t dictate whether your mom takes your niece or not but you can then decide whether you want to join them both.

Ask your mum to come to a thing with you that is totally non toddler friendly. Afternoon tea, gallery, walk up a steep mountain, that sort of thing.

And be blunt that you would like to see your mum on her own.

No one else pointing out you shouldn’t be looking after someone else’s kid in lockdown? 🤦🏼‍♀️

YANBU wanting to spend adult time with your DM.

Something I have to point out though from your OP about here not being any toilets, yes that is because they are shut to try and deter tourists.

YANBU seems like it's more your mums doing than your sisters though.

@SilverOtter

I've just noticed another post from you OP mentioning about them getting the bus without you....are they by any chance using you for your car? That would make me mad if I was in your shoes

I agree with this

I'd say it's 'mom' that's trying to dictate that niece is going to be imposed on her daughter, come hell or high water. I really couldn't be bothered, myself, I don't like being led around by the nose.

Do you think your mum suggests taking your niece to your sister or does your sister suggest your mum takes her?

@forfoxsakee

No my sister doesn't hardly ever come. If I mention it my mum just says well me and niece will just go on a bus somewhere together then and that makes me feel guilty.

It's meant to make you feel guilty. It's manipulative.

This won't stop unless you stop it

Start by saying ok when you next get hit with the havetotakeabus sad face.

Does your mum want to offer to look after niece to give your ds a break but doesn’t want to do it solo hence this arrangement? I think it’s fine to say it was lovely to see niece but let’s make sure it’s just us 2 next time...