To not want to always take my sisters child out with us?

[forfoxsakee]

I arranged to meet my mum today to go for a walk around Matlock bath and have an ice cream and some fish and chips in the gardens as it's my day off from work.This morning my sister also appeared at her house with my two year old niece before we left and it turns out she had rang her and arranged for us to take my niece with us as well. We've just got back and tbh it wasn't enjoyable it was a bit of a nightmare trailing a buggy and a child in this heat, she was hot and there were no toilets and she is only just potty trained. My mum has form for this and has done it before when we have arranged to go out together and we have ended up going round a farm park or other despite the fact that I have no children on my own yet. I love my niece to bits but aibu to want to be consulted first as it changes the whole dynamic of the day and sometimes I just want to spend time with my mum and have an adult day to be honest. I have tried to gently raise this with my mum before but she just accuses me of not liking children, which isn't the case as I spend plenty of time with my sister and niece. It's not for childcare either as my sister is at home today.

Yes, very manipulative (and selfish!) of your mum, and possibly your sister too.

I look at this differently. I'm best friends with my sisters, so on any day out my nieces and nephews are usually invited if it's with my mum/nana/any sisters. We're extremely close though, especially to all the little people in the family.

In your case, it's obviously bothering you so you need to speak to your mum. However perhaps she enjoys having both grandchildren around, and doesn't like the thought of leaving one out.

If your Mum pulls this stunt again, just say that was not the day you planned and go home and do your own thing and repeat until your Mum gets the message. I agree with the poster who said that your sister stole your day off.

OP.
You’re being used , here, and your mum is guilt-tripping you when she says that she and your niece will have to take a bus then.
You are perfectly entitled to an adult day out with your mum on your day off. It shouldn’t be seen as a free entertainment for your niece( albeit expensive for you) so that your sister can have her own day off.
I feel for you on this one.

Your mum is using you to help look after your niece, while taking the credit to your sister, for giving her ‘a day off’. Next time she says your niece is coming, I’d say how lovely it is of your mum to help your sister out and she can let you know when she’s next child free, so the two of you can meet up.

Actually, why not phone your sister and ask her if she wants to meet for a coffee while your mum is looking after her child. 😁

You’re being used If you get on well with your sister, you should message her and explain the situation - say you want some quality time alone with your mum so please could she check before she arranges to send niece over without her.

Then be blunt with your mum. You love DNiece but you already spend plenty of time with her. You really want to spend quality time with your mum and resent feeling like you’re being used for your car. Time for her to remember she’s a mum as well as a granny!

You can’t dictate whether your mom takes your niece or not but you can then decide whether you want to join them both.

The OP planned a day out with her mum, who then changed it to include the toddler. OP isn't imposing on granny/granddaughter days

Hang on I think I misread?
Do you not have children? If not then you just need to readjust the things you do with your mum to non child friendly things. It's clear she has a great relationship with your niece, therefore you just need to work around that.

I think you have a Mum problem not a Sister problem. Next time use the 'double booked' line and leave pretty sharpish. Then switch your phone off and do something you like even if it is on your own.

Leobynature OP had a day planned with her mum, a much looked forward to day off work that didn't include babysitting a 2 year old. It was wrong of her mum to change her plans and OP shouldn't have to put up with it.

I look at this differently. I'm best friends with my sisters, so on any day out my nieces and nephews are usually invited if it's with my mum/nana/any sisters. We're extremely close though, especially to all the little people in the family.

Then presumably you wouldn't spring a day minding two small children on a childfree family member who had arranged a post-lockdown day out with (she believed) just her mother.

@Pebblexox The OP doesn't have any children. RTFT

I don't mind occasionally, I'm not an ogre. However I would like to be consulted first at least and not have it put on me that morning. It's definitely mostly my mums doing though.

Missingmargheeita You're totally missing the ENTIRE point Mommy dearest didn't accompany the toddler so your argument is completely different like apples to oranges

My Mam would also like to bring her grandchildren everywhere she went and expect the childfree adults in the family to feel the same. Or she did until it was spelled out to her that is not the case.
She doesn't assume now.
I have more than one friend who would do what your Mum did and invite other people without saying anything until I arrived. The ones who couldn't accept I had a right to choose who I spent my time with no longer spend any time with me alone as I only arrange to see them with bigger groups.
Maybe keep chats with your Mum to the phone and arrange meet ups with your friends.

I have kids and I think YANBU at all. Its perfectly normal to want some time with just you and your mum. I agree with PP, be clear with her that you adore your niece but would like some time alone with her. If she does it behind your back then cancel. You'll have to follow through every single time otherwise it wont work but eventually she'll get the message that you mean what you say.

She wasn't leaving any children out, she invited one along when it was supposed to be OP and her mum

@djtanner
Yes I clarified in a second comment that I'd misread that part.

OMG read the OP, she had a day out planned with her mum ONLY . They had to change plans when her mum brought her niece along

And I 100% agree you should just leave next time this happens. Otherwise she’ll keep doing it as she can get away with it

It sounds to me your mum doesn't value the one on one time with you as much as you do. I think it's best to leave the situation alone. Try and meet friends instead of your mum. Your mum already has the impression that you don't like children so confronting them won't end well. I think you'll have to give up the idea of solo time with your mum.

You definitely need to stay firm and go back home every time your mum pulls this stunt. I'd hate the manipulation. If she had asked you beforehand if you could drive them both somewhere that would have at least been honest. But to hijack your day off is v cheeky. And naughty of your sister too as I bet she was in on it.

This is so manipulative of your mother. Definitely time to stand up to her. You’re definitely not the babysitting / taxi service.

Sounds like your sister and mum are in cahoots for nanny and grandaugter to have lovely days out together ferried about by you! I’d be pissed off with my mum if I was you, any change of plans should always be ran past the other person, it’s common decency.

Your sister is having a day off while you're helping mind her toddler.

Just say no.

Next time your sister and mum decide amongst themselves that you will help entertain your niece, wish your mum luck but say you're off to do something else instead. They're both being unfair to you.