He wants to move out but still stay in a relationship

[CockLodgerornah]

I’ll try not to drip feed.

I met DP at the start of 2019.
He moved in with me in February 2020 and we got engaged.

A month after both of those things happened, lockdown happened. March 2020 he tells me he doesn’t think he wants to get married and if he had the choice he’d move back out. He couldn’t as he had a tenant, who will move out November 2020.

We agree to work through things. June 2020 he confirms he definitely doesn’t want to get married and he definitely will be moving out in November. He still wants to be in a relationship, he just thinks cohabiting is not for him

I love him. I really do but.....after a shit marriage, I thought I’d found someone on the same wavelength as me. I thought, I could happily spend the rest of my life with DP. DP isn’t saying he doesn’t want that, just not in the same house. And I don’t think I’m okay with that but I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable. I enjoy going to sleep next to him every night, I enjoy domestic life. We bloody went and got two cats together (which you know, I’m fine on keeping, I adore them)

He said, if he moves out he will be far more relaxed and will want to do things with me rather than shutting himself away all the time. But if he moves out, I’m suddenly paying all the bills again and I’ll be really tight on finances (his mortgage is half my rent etc).

Would you stay in this relationship if you loved him? I feel like I’d be sacrificing what I want from life. But he’s sacrificing what he wants from life at the moment as he thinks he’s just designed to live alone.

If you really love someone should you fight for it, how do you know when you should walk away. The thought of not having him at all is devastating and I’m worried that I’m being a bit dramatic. I can get over the not marrying thing, despite having told my family we were. (We kinda asked each other, rather than him proposing).

I’m worried that I’ll make the decision just to move on, when I could accept what he has to offer and I might be happy. I don’t think I’d want a relationship where we live apart for the rest of our lives. It makes no financial sense but apparently makes emotional sense to him. Am I being unreasonable, should I put myself first? Should I accept what he has to offer?

Well done.
You took back some control.
Now get him gone.
He is sounding more and more like a twat by the minute.

He basically said that I was constantly making him out to be the bad guy just because he needed to move out for his own sanity

In response to you ending the relationship he is still prioritising his needs and is concerned about his image, it is also supposed to be guilt inducing...He is utterly selfish. Often you can't this until it is tested.

What you might not realise until much later is that this is a defining moment for you. You are valuing yourself and that will bring better partners into your life.

31 is still very young . Good for you. You deserve better and he will be shocked that you have changed so watched out for how he tries to manipulate. He may even get angry.

Edit your title to 'he wants to have his cake and eat it'
Seriously OP, he is taking the piss. This man is going to hurt you, he's already planning to leave. End it while you still have some dignity. You could be wasting years of your life with this man, and miss your opportunity to have the family life you want

Been married 20yrs now, share 2 kids (13+10). He has been aggressive since I met him (on occasion), never hit me or kids, but scared us many times. Very irritable with sounds, kids not doing what they're told etc.
I've had to explain away his actions so many times to the kids, that even they tell me it's not up to me to do so now. Anyway, I approach him about his outbursts every time, and he says he knows he's in the wrong and I tell him to get help. He never does. He apologises and thinks it's over. But I can't forget that easy, neither can the kids.
I'm now at a point where I feel I'd like to have a last shot at couple therapy before I walk away. I've held on this long for the kids sake (dad presence) and because he has supported me through some very difficult personal mental health issues. I suggested the idea of mediation or therapy and he is dead against it and seems so disappointed that I have even raised issues in the relationship. He always has an issue with our eldest son being a trouble maker and causing drama, but to be honest, he shows him the most aggression and lack of respect, so gets the same in return (I have explained this). So,he tells me the only way to solve this is him moving out for a few months! A) we cannot afford this, B) how is this solving anything with his son? That relationship aside, he and I are generally living as close friends. He doesn't talk about money easily. He is awkward and tries too hard in public. It can be hard to go from one extreme to the other. He says he wants to be closer to me again, but only talks about the physical sense. I can't even!
I guess I am venting here, but I feel like I've invested 20 yrs and all my money and time into a man who just sees me as frigid, and an answer to paying bills, cleaning the house and watching the kids. He doesn't seem to get why I feel upset by his behaviour over the years.
He has never contributed a bit of help at Xmas, holiday time, form filling, paying bills, buying a home...anything! It's all down to me! He doesn't even know when the kids are off school, or what they do from day to day.
Am I wrong for trying to fix things here, can we fix this ourselves as his says we can, or is he saying that to hide away the issues from others? Am I just staying out of pity for him and the kids and wider family? I do love him, I just don't want to go through this forevermore.