To ask for all of my DD's baby clothes back?

[Tsubasa1]

Background= I have two SILs. SIL1 is particularly fond of lying, and I have caught her out many times over the years(but never confronted her).

I have been passing down my DD1's baby clothes to SIL2. The thing is she hasn't given any back, and now I'm having to buy a whole new wardrobe for DD2! The final straw was when I saw SIL1 at the weekend and her newborn (similar age to DD2) was wearing one of my DD1's hand me downs (that my DD2 should be using now). I was just shocked and I said, "that was my DD1's cardigan". -"oh yes" she replied. Then I said "I didn't get it back from SIL2". She says "Oh no she gave it to me for my daughter".

Then to my shock a few hours later she says. "Oh I didn't know this was your daughter's, I can give it to you" then I responded "You need to give it back to me". Then she rambled on about how she didn't know and this and that. But her first reaction tells me that she DID KNOW all along it was DD1s cardigan.

I expected SIL1 to be honest and bring back the baby clothes when my child might need them. It was our agreement to lend the clothes but always give them back. Instead they are passing them on to each other. Because SIL1's daughter and mine are similar in age, so if she gave them to me, SIL1 wouldn't be able to use them. I shouldn't have to be chasing them for every item, they should be honest and give them back. I think this incident will ruin our relationship forever.

I suspect SIL2 has given other items like blouses and dresses and shorts to my SIL1. I think they are in this together and decided to do that until I asked for the items back

YABU- let them do as they please and buy your DD2 a new wardrobe
YANBU- to ask for all the clothes back

Should I also ask for the newborn clothes that I don't need anymore back (sizes 0-9 months)? Just because I don't think they deserve anything from me? (SIL2 is expecting a baby in August)

Never gave away something you want for yourself. I can't imagine remembering who gave me which bits of clothes. Clearly your sil hasn't been thoughtful by not returning but the whole set-up is batshit.

They have lent me stuff aswell but I always return it!

@Thanosatemthamster

It's only clothes. Don't give away something you might want back.

It's no longer dd1s cardigan by the way. You gave it away and it's been passed on again. You can't take the clothes off a baby's back.

@ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal it was a loan and it wasn't giving away!

What is it with baby clothes at the moment

@ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal as I said, it was lent and not given away. It was a very clear agreement from the beginning, in my case.

I don't think you should give people clothes that you want back. There are a few of these threads at the moment and they always go the same way.

Well why didn't you ask her for all the stuff when you were pregnant? Why lend it out to start with. Lessons learned? Don't lend stuff to these people.

Sounds like you didn't make that clear, the part about the loan. How clear were you?

I'd have assumed it was mine to keep.

If you were absolutely explicitly clear that every item was a loan and you wanted every item back then fair enough. If this wasn't clear then I don't see what they've done wrong. I don't think what they've done is terrible anyway tbh. It's not like they've wilfully sold something they knew you wanted back.

Did you tell her explicitly from the start that you were expecting them back?

And I agree you should've specifically asked for the clothes back before your baby was born.

You don't loan out baby clothes, what if they'd been stained? More expensive items you might, eg steriliser/perfect prep (I didn't use either but SIL loaned hard to her sister who gave them back when SIL had her second) , clothes are given and then passed on, if they've even got any wear left by the time they're third hand. That's what most people would expect, you've just massively over reacted

There is another thread on here (sorry, don't know how to link it but it's called 'Friend is asking for baby clothes back' ) which highlights the importance of stressing what's a loan and what's not. Are you sure she understood you wanted the clothes back? Some people are very careless with possessions and she might not have realised what she was doing was wrong.

I don't know anyone who "loans" baby clothes. You pass on what you don't need / want. YABVU. A life lesson learned.

Did you make it explicitly clear they were loaned, or did you just assume they’d know? If the second then you are being unreasonable. I’m getting hand me downs for DC1 right now and I’m asking ‘will you want any of these back?’ there should be no confusion.

I was very very VERY clear to SIL2 that when DD2 was born I would need all the clothes back! I have also read threads recently about asking back for baby clothes. But in this instant it's different because we talked about it.

And if someone said they’d want something back I’d probably say don’t worry then, I would never be able to keep track!

@BuffaloCauliflower

Tbh you shouldn’t loan things you’d want back. What if they were damaged?

Why didn't you ask for them when you found out you were pregnant?

I think that even if you are clear it's a loan it's not really a reasonable request that they remember which clothes are yours and return them in a usable condition. The problem is you might not know that before you have a baby and so might agree to this kind of arrangement - but babies wreck clothes and keeping track of who gave you what would be very stressful.

I think it's very weird and rude that you demanded the cardigan like that - did you really expect her to give you the clothes her baby was wearing?

@lifestooshort123 @turnthebiglightoff I had no idea it was weird to loan baby clothes. I just wanted my SIL's to enjoy some of the nice blouses and dresses etc that I had with my DD1. I won't be so thoughtful again tbh