To ask for all of my DD's baby clothes back?

[Tsubasa1]

Background= I have two SILs. SIL1 is particularly fond of lying, and I have caught her out many times over the years(but never confronted her).

I have been passing down my DD1's baby clothes to SIL2. The thing is she hasn't given any back, and now I'm having to buy a whole new wardrobe for DD2! The final straw was when I saw SIL1 at the weekend and her newborn (similar age to DD2) was wearing one of my DD1's hand me downs (that my DD2 should be using now). I was just shocked and I said, "that was my DD1's cardigan". -"oh yes" she replied. Then I said "I didn't get it back from SIL2". She says "Oh no she gave it to me for my daughter".

Then to my shock a few hours later she says. "Oh I didn't know this was your daughter's, I can give it to you" then I responded "You need to give it back to me". Then she rambled on about how she didn't know and this and that. But her first reaction tells me that she DID KNOW all along it was DD1s cardigan.

I expected SIL1 to be honest and bring back the baby clothes when my child might need them. It was our agreement to lend the clothes but always give them back. Instead they are passing them on to each other. Because SIL1's daughter and mine are similar in age, so if she gave them to me, SIL1 wouldn't be able to use them. I shouldn't have to be chasing them for every item, they should be honest and give them back. I think this incident will ruin our relationship forever.

I suspect SIL2 has given other items like blouses and dresses and shorts to my SIL1. I think they are in this together and decided to do that until I asked for the items back

YABU- let them do as they please and buy your DD2 a new wardrobe
YANBU- to ask for all the clothes back

Should I also ask for the newborn clothes that I don't need anymore back (sizes 0-9 months)? Just because I don't think they deserve anything from me? (SIL2 is expecting a baby in August)

Op you have not said whether you asked for them back before your DD2 was born. I think that's the problem here.
I see why you're upset and think you're getting a hard time here

@TheLovleyChebbyMcGee yes!!!

But by the time your sil1's daughter was wearing them surely you knew original baby had grown out of them and you needed them for second baby? Why hadn't you asked for them back? How old is your DD2?

@Tsubasa1 then why didn't you just say "sorry I'll need them for DD2, but these are the shops I got them from"??? Bloody mad.

I have been passing down my DD1's baby clothes to SIL2

This doesn't suggest a loan to me - are you sure you were clear with your SIL?

I've never known anyone pass on baby clothes until they were finished having children. I found that dc1's baby clothes were okay for dc2, but a lot needed to be replaced for dc3 because they'd been worn and washed so much.

Why didn't you just hang onto them?

YABU

It was our agreement to lend the clothes but always give them back
Problem is, in view of the responses to the other thread, what one concludes from a conversation about baby clothes can be very different to what the other concludes, whatever the words being used.

So lesson learned. If you handover anything to someone, confirm in an email/text that they are borrowing the clothes on the expectation that it is returned.

If you've been handed over anything, even if you understsnd that it was given to you and therefore for you to dispose as you wish, make contact with them first and confirm they are happy for the items to be passed on to someone else.

Did you clearly label all of your dd’s clothes so it would be easy to return to you? It’s an absolute pain when people want clothes back, especially when they have been worn out.

I only ever pass on clothes once I know they won’t be needed again. I don’t expect them back

@1300cakes actually yes, there was a bizarre spate of panic buying baby clothes at the start of lockdown. But most newborn/small sizes. Still hasn’t quite recovered.

I would never expect baby clothes back that I pass in to family to use. They can do what they want with them after I've passed them on.

I realise to told your sil it was a loan but I can't believe you literally took a cardigan off a baby's back.

Yabvu

Don't give stuff away that you want in the future.

You've already decided you aren't being unreasonable so not sure why you posted TBH. I'd send a message to the SIL you sent the clothes to and ask her to get the clothes ready for you to collect. Then don't lend her anything else.

I think you were very rude to the other SIL. You obviously don't like her as you think she conspired behind your back to steal the clothes

If your going want something back to use don't give it away!!!

I've given bags of clothes to friends who had babies after me. No way would I ask for them back.

With DS1 anything I really liked and thought I may use for future baby I cleaned, bagged up and kept safe.

I do have one friend where we have passed Happyland Toys between our 5 children now starting from my oldest but I didn't ever expect to get them back.

You can't GIVE something then ask for it back its rude. If it is loaned people need to be aware of this.

@iano I only leant her stuff that wasn't newborn, but maybe 6 months to 24 months (I don't remember exactly). I gave her them when I was pregnant with Dd2 because I knew she wanted them and she agreed to return them.

You can’t loan baby clothes!
A pram or cot, something expensive yes. But not clothes. YABVVU.
Once clothes are passed on, they no longer belong to you.

Were you really clear you wanted them back?

I wouldn't give away clothes without a plan if I wanted them back.

I will never understand lending baby clothes out, you’re not guaranteed to get them back and I wouldn’t want to dress my baby in clothes that are now third hand and in god-knows-what condition.

Just buy some new clothes and treat it as a lesson learned.

It's not clear whether you've actually asked for the clothes back since you had your daughter?

Sorry OP but I agree with the others.

Don't lend baby clothes that you want to see again.

Babies wreck clothes- food, poop, etc.

Have you actually asked your SIL for the clothes back yet?

I don't get why people 'give something away' to then want it back?! If it's gone it's gone just buy some more.

I was passed on loads of clothes for my DD, I never even considered giving them back when I was finished

@BakewellGin1 pleanty of people lent each other things and expect them back. For example: a ladder, a piece of clothing like a dress, a suitcase, a mop. Those are some things I have been lent or lended in the past (with my SIL)

And as other posters have said baby clothes get ruined so quickly, get spiked shrink etc. Me and my friend have a rule where if something still has tags on we give them to each other (not to be returned) but anything that's been worn no one wants.

0I think there are a lot of CF about this. Imagine knowing that the person who had paid for the clothes and kindly given them to you to use, saving you lots of money, now needed them back but instead giving them to someone else.

OP is not getting upset about stuff that’s been accidentally ruined so I don’t see how that’s relevant.